Hobbit-imagines/one shots

Blunt the knives (mature)

I got this image from reading a story about ancient hidden dirty meanings of some dwarven songs and knew I had to write this in its fullness. In this version bilbo is a girl named bilbi baggins.

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Bilbi was running around her nice lovely home in a frantic flurry of aggitation, chasing after her unwanted company that had earlier invaded her home. There she was, just sitting down to a delightful fish dinner when there was a ringing of the bell at her door. Sighing she got up to answer, after all she was a proper hobbit and manners called for her to see who it could be. The moment she opened her door she was greeted by the largest and burliest man she had ever seen.

"Dwalin..." he bowed while looking at her. "..at your service." His eyes flicked down then back up to look into her eyes. She realized suddenly that she was not wearing suitable attire for company. Quickly she pulled her robe closed over her short nightgown, that didn't leave much to the imagination.

"Uh...Bilbi..Baggins..at yours." She couldnt help the blush staining her cheeks as her hands gripped the covering tighter to her small body. He stepped over the threshold into her home, pushing past her as she let out a startled sqeauk at his massive form pushing past her into her own home. When he didn't do anything unbecoming or perverse ..with the exception of his eyes periodically glancing at her , she began to calm down as she watched him settle himself at her table, eating her dinner that she had meticously prepared for herself.

That was earlier...now her smial was bursting at the seams with other dwarves that kept showing up...raiding her well stocked pantry and drinking all her fine ale...along with that pesky no good wizard, who was the cause of all this mess she was in. Bilbi saw one of those infernal dwarves using one of her doilies as a dishcloth , drying his mug with it..gritting her teeth she gave chase...snatching it away from him as she huffed angrily at him.

"Excuse me, that is a doilie, not a dish cloth." She snarled out.

"But its full of holes!" Her eyes glanced over to Bofur who was reclining against the wall watching her becoming more frazzeled by the minute. Her normally well kempt curly hair was now sticking out in different directions from all her frustrated tugging of it and her robe that had been so well tied earlier was now flapping behind her from all the running around she was doing.

"Its supposed to look like that, its crochet." She huffed at him as his eyes roamed over her state of dress..more like undress. She saw his eyes getting a twinkle in them as his full dark mustache twitched up into a half smile as he spoke.

"Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it." She was startled by his smirky remark...~ did he just elude to what she thought he was referring to?~ There was some laughter amongst some of the dwarves at his off remark comment and she blushed...then she realized where his eyes were wandering at. Looking down at herself she saw what he was staring at..it seems in all her flurry of moving about her robes hadopened up.. revealing her thin nightdress that had slipped down in the front a little, showing off her full cleavage to all their eyes. She yelped as she whipped her robe closed around her ..her blush intensifing into a raging fire across her cheeks...he laughed at her as he moved away. She growled at them all as Gandalf came over to her to talk..attempting to calm her down. She noticed Bofur going into the dining room to sit down with some of the others..~ nori, bombur, dori, and gloin..at least I think that's their names~. While she was wailing about her uninvited guests one of them walks up to her with an apologetic look upon his young face.

"excuse me, Im sorry to interupt. But what should I do with my plate?"his smile was sweet and she felt relief that at least one of these males had manners. Bilbi opened her mouth to reply when out of no where the blond dwarf , Fili, grabs the plate from Ori with a mischievous glint in his blue eyes.