Forever the one (A Larry Stylinson Fanfic) L.S PART 1

chapter 5 Harry

The sound of banging doors down the corridor awakens me as I roll over putting my head under the pillow. Another day and already the feeling of anxiety is bubbling up. I need to see him I know that much I'm not going to relax until I do. I roll onto my back grabbing my phone to text Olivia. I need a car renting and need to ensure she has sorted out my guitar being delivered and my suit as I couldn't carry them on the bike. I'm so hot, I feel agitated. When I'm feeling like this, I normally put it down in a melody or lyrics, but I can't think properly. I need to see him and preferably before the funeral I can't stand the waiting and anticipation, I want it over and done with.

  I wonder how he is I hope he is ok. I can't help thinking if he has listened to my songs and realises, they are all about him, about us, if he sees the articles in a magazine and knows its him I'm talking about even if I'm not mentioning his name. I jump out of bed pacing, the carpet feeling like sandpaper on the soles of my feet, my hands tugging at my hair in frustration

"you're so stupid of course he doesn't listen to your songs, he doesn't fucking care or even think about you. Why would he? you made that pretty easy. You changed your number for fucks sake just so you wouldn't have to see the endless list of messages, missed calls or to hear his tears on the answerphone you did this YOU it's your fault" 

I pull on my jeans and t shirt and dash to the bathroom, quickly washing and brushing my teeth. I'm suffocating in here. I can't believe being back here has brought up all these feelings. I don't like it I feel out of control I need to get out. I hear a voice inside my head screaming at me Thats right keep on running do what you do best. I ignore it grabbing my jacket and helmet and I'm out the door.

I speed down the roads, overtaking cars that are in my way. I don't know where I'm going, I'm just driving. Me and Zayn used to love the feeling of flying down these roads. We shared the same passion for bikes and speed. We thought we owned these roads thinking we were bad asses. We were young and foolish and yet here I am doing the same.  Having Lou on the back of my bike was the best feeling ever. He would grip his arms so tight around my waist hugging my back trusting me as we found new places to just hang out talking about anything and everything. The endless summer nights just being together. He would lay between my legs, my arms wrapped round him planting kisses on the side of his neck, he always loved that. It was perfect, nothing else mattered, we were young it was just us. It was on one of these occasions I told him I loved him, that I'd love him forever.

I pull into a carpark, driving this way is not going to solve anything. I look around. I'm outside Holmes chapel public library.  I get off my bike and walk inside heading straight to the desk.

"Harry dear how are you?" its Mrs Horan Niall's mom. I've not seen her in years she looks older her hair up in a bun, glasses perched on her nose. I never remembered her wearing glasses I think to myself smiling at her

"I'm good thank you how are you how's Niall?"  I ask fondly. I hope I get to see Niall. Another close friend I shut out, I can't help but hope he will be his usual understanding self and not hate me too much. 

"Oh, you know Niall same old Niall, never changes, still isn't settled down yet though or given me any grandchildren" she laughs shaking her head 

"Well, he always was a free spirit" I nod in agreement. I can see by her face she wants to say something, pursing her lips as if she is thinking. Then I hear it

"Are you here for the funeral Harry. Such an awful thing to happen I can't believe it. I'm sure it shocked you as well with how close you all were"

I take in her words; how close we were. It sends a wave of guilt through me. Yes, we were close, and I left them like I didn't give a shit. She reaches over the counter and gently rubs my arm