Forever the one (A Larry Stylinson Fanfic) L.S PART 1

Chapter 44 Louis

Summary:
Louis finally realises what he has done

I KNOW THIS IS NOT A HARRY SONG BUT FOR MY STORY IT IS HAHAHAH

Please let me know if you still enoying this fic, not long left now till the end

I miss Harry, there are no other words to describe it, it's as simple as that I miss him loads. I feel like even after the short time we spent together a piece of me is missing. The is a hole in my heart which only 5 days ago was full. 

Five days since Harry left for LA and I have yet to speak to him. I have been making myself busy with work and after a lecture form both Elle and Liam about how blind I am and how I jumped the gun I'm feeling ashamed of my actions. I'm such a dick sometimes, my walls come up and that's it, I'm in defensive mode.

The thing is I was completely heartbroken. I went home and cried all night; I'm not going to lie it really hurt me to walk away from him knowing that he was going to the USA the morning after. I just wanted him to be here. I thought many times that night about calling him and telling him to please come get me, please come and hold me but I couldn't, still too wrapped up in my own head.

I know he was texting and ringing but at the time I felt too heavily emotional, and I couldn't handle it all. I'm still heartbroken to an extent but the pain of missing him is more than what Olivia said to me that evening. Now it's just heartbreak over the fact we separated on not so good terms, and I don't really know again, where we are in regard to us.

I felt the blow as soon as Olivia said them words and still to this day, I can't believe another human being can be so twisted and cruel and make them sort of things up, and that's what I'm having trouble dealing with. I didn't know how to react for the best. I genuinely thought I was doing Harry a favour; in my head it made sense to remove myself from the equation but I'm starting to see now maybe it wasn't as black and white as what it appeared.

I know he has texted Evan daily and spoken to him, he has never failed on that promise to him and for that I cannot be more grateful.  Evan has adapted well to this arrangement, he understands even at this young age that his dad is away for work sometimes, and he has taken it better than I have and who's meant to be the fucking adult here.

Harry has reached out to me daily as well, texts, phone calls, voicemails, which I find so hard to listen to as I know he is upset. I can hear it in his voice, and it makes me feel saddened and guilty cause I have caused that. I have hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt and for what reason? I'm not even sure myself anymore, but I can't bring myself to answer. I want to be sure I'm doing the right thing for me and Evan. I wish he was over here as I really don't want to do anything over the phone, I want to see him, sort this out properly face to face.

It's a crazy position to be in. My heart wants to be with him, wants to believe that he loves me but then that stupid voice in my head keeps popping up reminding me of the past and saying we are too different now. I know I need to get over that if I want to follow my heart and make a go of it, well that's if Harry has not moved on already and had enough of my whiny arse.

Harry is going to be on the James cordon show tonight, he recorded it yesterday and I've been informed by Evan that we are going to watch his daddy on tv. He is so excited, I think he finds it surreal as he not seen him like this before, on tv as Harry styles, well not since finding out Harry was his dad.  Harry has messaged me privately asking if I could "please watch it"   because it will mean a lot to him so I will do that, besides I want to look at him, I want to see how he appears with my own two eyes as the last time I saw him he was crying and looking as heartbroken as I felt. My fault I know but it's still there embedded in my brain.