When All is Lost

Chapter 19

I backed up until there was nowhere else to go, pressing myself against the wall next to my chair. I could feel how wide my eyes had gone as adrenaline flooded my exhausted senses. My heart pounded so hard I nearly felt it against my rib cage.

"Why?" It was all I could ask with my voice barely above a whisper. Carlos hadn't moved from his seat and his utter lack of reaction only put me more on edge.

He was expecting something to happen.

Forcing my gaze away from the window where I'd seen the strange man, I turned to Carlos and locked eyes with him. His expression was hard to read. It was as though he was trying his best to mask his true feelings. It made me uncertain which threat was more pressing – the creeping man outside or the duplicitous one inside.

Unease made the tomato mush turn sour in my gut. "Why am I here? What do you want from me?"

Carlos watched me carefully. "It's as I said – we need your help."

A board creaked again from the outside, making me press myself even tighter against the wall. "Give me my gun back."

"I will," he said in a restrained voice as if he was talking to a petulant child. "Let me explain first."

"Then explain," I hissed through gritted teeth.

"Paula and I have been doing just fine. We haven't left the house in over two months and no one bothered us. We were fine. But... I guess people have been getting hungry or scared or something and they've started to lose their damn minds.

"A few days ago, we noticed some people started sniffing around here. I thought, showing them my gun would be enough – I even took a shot at one of them yesterday – but they seem determined to keep coming back."

I eyed him skeptically. "So, why am I here? Why did you let me in?"

His face became pinched and, for the first time, I could see cracks in his calm demeanor, noticing that his nerves seemed to be as fried as mine were. "You didn't seem like one of them. And even if you were, Paula thought, maybe if we showed you kindness, you'd trade with us rather than robbing us blind... or killing us"

A light tapping came from the outside wall beside the window. "Trade?" I asked, choosing to focus on one thing at a time.

"You aren't with them then?"

"No."

Carlos sat a little straighter in his chair. "You help us get out of this and we can give you some food."

"What exactly are you asking me to do?"

"Have you ever killed anyone before?"

I let out something between a laugh and a scoff, disgusted by his question. "Have you?"

"No," Carlos answered almost reluctantly. "I have not, but I will do what needs to be done."

My fear became tempered by my rising temper. "So, you are what? Asking me to kill for you? With you?"

"Those out there aren't giving us much choice." The pointed to the wall with his gun where a consistent tap reminded us that we weren't alone. "They are desperate, but so are we."

It was becoming clear that there was no actual choice for me to make either. I'd been drawn in by what I thought were kind faces, craving something other than the never-ending brutality. I'd been tricked. I was trapped. I shook my head at my own stupidity. "How many are there?"

Carlos readjusted his grip on his gun. "I don't know exactly. Maybe four or five?"

I balked at his answer. "You brought me in here to die with you."