If Ever | Damiano David Story

Chapter 6 | Something but nothing

22 May 2020

"Okay. If you want to act like that, I can't help you." I manage to get Marsia annoyed.

I roll my eyes because I know that she only wants to help but there's nothing that she can do, there's nothing I can do. "Look. I just don't want to think about it right now. Can we just watch Eurovison, have a fun and calm night?"

She sights. "Fine."

"Thank you." I say and take a sip from my wine.

"But you do have to face it at some point."

"There's nothing to face. Everything is fine." At this point I am annoyed. "I'll bring some water."

I get of the sofa and walk to the kitchen trying to force an end at this conversation and my thoughts. But the thoughts don't go away that easy. Once my mind goes there, it isn't easy to stop. I look at my phone, open Instagram and press the search bar. I almost type his name, but I force myself to close it before I do. That will do no good. I have been trying to avoid his presence on social media and partly due to my phone breaking, I am managing. I grab a bottle of water and walk back into the living room.

I look at the TV and try to break the silence. "Who's now?"

"Belgium, I think."

19 August 2021

I was laying on the beach getting some necessary Vitamin D and relaxing. Marsia was sitting next to me drinking her coffee.

"You are so stupid." She took a sip with her metal stra.w "It's unbelievable."

I took my cover up and placed it on my head trying to hide my frustration "I know."

"Luckily you have a week to fix that."

"It's weird." I took the cover up of my face and looked at her. "I haven't been in that situation in the past two years. I don't remember it to be that hard."

She made an expression meaning she understood me. "You haven't really ever faced a problem with that. Usually, you liked someone you went for it. What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." I yelled in frustration. "I feel intimidated."

She looked at me in question.

"I guess I'm a little rusted in the whole flirting, fooling around, thing. I'm a little too much in my head, last night I hesitated because I was thinking about it too much."

"Then get out of it." She stood up and left.

I fall back on my back again, groaning and placed my coverup on my face again, blocking the sun. I stayed there for a while, still thinking about it too much. I kept thinking that I did a stupid thing last night. I could have woken up happy and satisfied today but didn't. I woke up overthinking and feeling stupid. Overthinking things was definitely not on my plans for this vacation. My plan was to have fun and I could have had this last night, but I messed up. I heard footsteps coming my way. There's was a part of me hoping it was Damiano and part of me wasn't ready to face the situation yet. There was something about him that made me feel intimidated in a way that I was scared to let go. I felt like it was a big deal, even though it totally wasn't.

"You seem weird." Stefanos voice put me out of my thoughts.

I got up sitting on my legs and looked at him. "I'm fine."

He sat next to me. "I think I know what this is about."

"Really?" I looked at him in disbelief. Was it that obvious? I mean I didn't plan on hiding it or something, but I hadn't realized that I was being that obvious.

"Haris told me you talked yesterday."

I sighted in relief. One good thing is that with what happened last night I did take my mind off that. I smiled to that though, I had not let that ruin my mood and I was proud of that. "It's really not."

"No?" Stefanos looked at me surprised. "Then what's up?"

I smiled at him. It was a sincere smile like my answer. "Everything is good actually. There's something, but it's nothing so don't worry about it."

"Something that is nothing. Huh? That's..." He chuckled. "...something."

I laughed a little too and placed my head on his shoulder. He was a pretty good friend. He always cared about me, always knew if something was wrong, and always had my back. And he had managed to separate our friendships with both me and Haris perfectly after our breakup, reminded friends with both of us and had no hard feelings. He tended to be on the calmer side anyway, so it wasn't hard for him.

"I guess it's harder than I thought." I said frowning. Before I started going out with Harris I used to be more spontaneous and carefree. I'd never gotten into any serious relationship, rather going from guy to guy. I thought that I could easily get back to that but maybe I couldn't. Maybe I didn't want to go back to that, but even If I didn't want that, I knew what I wanted last night and that was to kiss him. So, what stopped me?

He placed his arm around my shoulder. He understood that I didn't want to talk about it, but even though he didn't know what I was talking about or wasn't sure at least, he did try to make me feel better. "Maybe you're making it harder."

"Maybe." I said, and we stayed like that for some time without talking.

I stayed there laying most of the day. The sun was starting to set, and the sky was slowly getting yellow. Stefanos and Marsia were doing yoga some meters away from me. I decided to go for a last swim before I got out of my swimsuit and rinse of the sea salt. Swimming on the sunset was always beautiful and relaxing. I left my book on my towel and walked towards the water. I stopped when the water was just below my thighs to take a moment and enjoy the colors of the sky. I heard someone get in the water and then I felt someone close behind me. I knew exactly who it was. He leaned his head down bringing his chin on my head and closer to my ear.

"Well, hello there." His voice was deep and low.

I felt my heart beating fast and intense. He knew very well what he was doing. I didn't turn to face him. "Hi to you too."

"Why are you avoiding me?" He didn't move.

He was forward, and I liked that about him. Well, I liked that too.

"I'm not." I got a little overdefensive.

"You are." He slowly moved his body around me and walked past me. He dived into the water and then turned to look at me. "Are you going to stay there?"

I shook my head in disapproval and followed him diving in. I got my head out of the water. As usually the water felt refreshing but wasn't enough to cool down the heat he was making me feel. I turned to face him. "Okay, maybe I was avoiding you a little."

"Really?" He said in a sarcastic tone. "I didn't notice."

I rolled my eyes. "It was stupid of me I guess."

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." He got serious.

"You're not." I said firmly, uncomfortable was the last thing that he made me feel. "I freaked out with no reason last night and then I felt stupid, so I guess I thought I'd feel even stupider around you today, if that even makes any sense."

He shook his head. "No, not really."

"Just forget about the whole avoiding you part, will you?" I took a deep breath.

"I will forget about that part." He came closer "If you stop of course."

"I will."

"Good." He leaned closer staring at me. His stare was captivating "Because it's not fun."

I smiled at him playfully "You're fun."

"Well, you should see how fun I am naked." Saying that he turned and left, leaving me once again burning.

"You'll have to stop doing that." I yelled at him

He smirked at me and walked away. I dove in the water and stayed there trying to calm myself down once again. If that kept going for the whole week, it'd drove me crazy.