If Ever | Damiano David Story

Chapter 13 | Too far away

22 May 2021

I take a deep breathe and try to calm myself and my thoughts. Marsia and Vana are looking at me without saying a word. They're giving me the time I need to gather my thoughts and mind. Eventually, I raise my head and look at them.

"Last summer, I met a guy."

"Shocking." Vana's sarcasm is an attempt to make me feel better and lighten the mood. And it works. I chuckle at her comment and smile, trying to show her that I'm thankful for what she's trying to do, and she smiles back at me. Then I go on with what I was saying in my attempt to inform Vana of what's going on.

"I had a really good time with him. I freaked out when I realized that it felt too good. He lives in Rome, and that's what Marsia is talking about."

Then I turn to Marsia. I just spat out my attempt on talking to him and I now she won't let it go unless I tell her what happened. I want the whole subject to end and never speak of it again.

"I texted him some months ago thinking that I would tell him that I'm moving to Rome. I didn't because there's no reason to do that. There have been months since I last saw him, that's how it supposed to be."

Marsia looked at me without saying anything but I know she had so many things to say. I could see it in her eyes. She was disappointed and mad and confused at the same time. She and Stefanos were the two people knowing me more than anyone. I couldn't hide anything from them, so I'm sure that she can see right through me.

"You're stupid." She turns and looks at the TV, but I know very well that she's not interested in seeing the guy with the wings and the feathers, singing a pop and, must admit, catchy song. She's just given up. I can't blame her on that. She has been trying to get me to text him since I found out that I got excepted to the program and not only I did and never told her, but I also did it unsuccessfully. Marsia has been trying forever now to make me accept the truth but I'm refusing to. She thinks I'm hung up on him. From my side, I must admit that I still find him very attractive. Every time a new photo of him pops up on my Instagram feed I spent some seconds looking at it. And he looks so much better with his hair short. When I saw that photo, I was once again facing the question, how much hotter can this man get. I found out the hard way that the answer is very. I had to stop seeing at what both him and the others were uploading, so that I wouldn't constantly be reminded of how pretty he is. I avoided listening to their music too but there are some forgotten songs on some of my Spotify playlists and on my phone. But I hadn't listened to their new album. I know I wasn't acting very mature, right? Because every time I was looking at him or listening his voice, I remembered the days and especially the nights we spent together. But being hung up on him? That'd be crazy. I refuse to believe it. We stay here, silent, for some time before I turn to her.

"You have nothing else to say?" I look at her surprised at her sudden silence.

"Yeah, I do." She takes her attention of the TV and looks at me. "I'm jealous that Stefanos is on a date. I think I'm starting to have actual feelings for him, and I'm chickened to tell him."

I am confused and surprised at what she said. I have been trying to make her face it forever and she just did. I'm not sure what to tell her next. Before I even try say something, she speaks again "See? It's not that hard admitting something. Do you have something?"

1 September 2020

I was sitting on the stairs outside of the train station, waiting for him to come. It was pretty late so there were not many people around. I mean there was but not compared to other times of the day, when the square would be full of people. I felt nervous, since I freaked out and walked out on him, I didn't think I'd have a chance to see him again. I acted in a very immature and stupid way. After I had the time to calm down, I realized what I've done and decided to message him, saying that I knew I acted weird and stupid. We didn't talk about it over texts more, but I know I'd probably had to explain what happened tonight and I wasn't sure what to tell him.