If Ever | Damiano David Story

Chapter 17 | Too late

22 May 2021

For the past 40 minutes everyone have decided to drop the conversation about me and I really appreciate it. We are back to casually chatting about random stuff waiting for the part of the results' announcement. Right now, we are watching the previous winner sing, so I guess the results are not far away.

"Do you think they have any chance?" Marsia asks

I shrug my shoulder.

"Who?" Vana asks.

"Italy?" She answers her.

"Why do you care?" Vana asks me playfully.

I grimace but doesn't say anything. All this feels so surreal to me.

"They do have a chance though. They're one of the favorites to win."

"Really?" My eyes sparkle. Do they really have a chance to win? I'm so proud of them. So proud of him. My heart starts beating fast in excitement and anxiety.

"That's so cool." Marsia says.

Some minutes passes and the announcement of the results starts. Italy gets their first points from Poland and my excitement grows. I'm practically jumping of my sit at their first 12 points, by Slovenia. It's so nice to see Damiano celebrating, it fills me with joy and I can't help but smile at the TV. They are at the fifth place but it's still a long way and that's only the jury results. Could Vana be right? Do they actually have a chance on winning? I'm not going to lie. Damiano has a way to charming and it won't surprise me if he can charm the whole Europe and by what Vana has told us, he kind of has already.

They got another twelve points from Ukraine which is great for them but not so great for me. Watching him celebrating is awesome and makes me happy but it's also a small stab on my chest. Twelve points from Croatia and Georgia comes next getting them up to the fourth place and they even managed to climb up to the third one but quickly lost it. The end of the jury result finds them on the fourth place and my anxiety is incredible high.

The televoting results are about to be announced.

"I think I need a drink." I say and quickly go to the kitchen. I open the fridge and grab the bottle of wine. I run back to the living room. "Did I miss anything?"

"No. UK got zero points." Marsia says not taking her eyes of the TV.

"I told you you'd be at the edge of your sit by now."

"It's just because it's Maneskin."

I chuckle and turn my attention to the TV. We comment a little on the results of each country until we get to Italy. I can feel my heart beating fast and intense. I can see Damiano's anxiety on his face. He has his hands in front of his mouth waiting to hear the results. I don't know how many points are left, given that already there were three country that had incredibly high scores, but I want to believe that they're plenty left for them to win.

The moment their points are announced I jump of my sit, as I watch Italy climbing up in the first place of the leaderboard. It can actually happen. This feels so surreal but it's happening and I can't believe it. Malta's points are not enough and nor are France's points. There's only one country left. The screen is separated between the two countries and the camera of Italy is on Damiano who is waiting the results impatient and so am I. The result is announced and it takes me a moment to realize what's going on. Maneskin won. I can't believe it, but they have won. I'm so incredibly happy for them. I'm practically jumping from my excitement while Marsia next to me is laughing because of my reaction.

"You are so cute."

The next some minutes fly by so fast. They went to get their trophy and now they sing their song another time. I can't stop smiling at the TV the whole time. If only I could tell him how happy I am for him. My smile immediately fades away. I can't tell him how happy I am and I'm the only one to blame for that.

After some time Vana leaves, leaving just the three of us. I'm still sitting on the couch trying to realize whatever happened tonight.

Marsia is picking up the glasses "Are you okay?"

I shrug my shoulders. I'm not in the mood of talking with anyone. I know that Marsia will want to talk about everything and I'm not in the mood of hearing it.

"It wouldn't hurt to send him a message to congratulate him you know."

"It's too late."

Marsia looks at me with concern. "You know better."

I get up and take a quick look around the room. There are only some plates that need to be washed. I decide that I'll wash them in the morning. I grab them and turn to Marsia. "If you don't mind I feel a little tired. I think I'm going to bed."

"You don't have to lie. I know you just want to be alone right now."

I look at her and smile. As always she gets me and I appreciate that she also understands. She walks towards me and gives me a hug then takes the plates of my hands and walks to the kitchen.

I walk to my bedroom, and I sit on my bed. My laptop is placed on my side table. I grab it and open it and for the first time in so much time I type "Maneskin". I spent the next hour listening to their new music and watching videos from their latest lives, hearing some of their new music for the first time. My Italian are not good enough yet to understand everything, but I understand some. One of their songs particularly catches my attention. Could he really have? No, I'm probably being paranoid and over myself. It's captivating to watch him sing. He's so passionate and enchanting that it's driving me crazy.

I put my laptop aside and lay down. I close my eyes hoping that all the thoughts will magically disappear, but they don't. I open my eyes and grab my phone. Our last messages catches my attention. It was right before the night I last saw him.

I take a deep breath trying to make up my mind. I want to congratulate him, let him know that I'm happy for him but something stops me. Is it too late? Does he even care if I want to congratulate him? Maybe I should just let it be.

I start typing. And the I erase it. And then I start typing again. I change my mind about three times before I decide what to say and whether I want to. Eventually I send it.

"You were awesome. Congratulations."

I close my phone and put it on the side table not even waiting for an answer. It'll probably never come.

It's too late.