PROLOGUE

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2008

He shouldn't have come here. Every fiber of his being told him to stay the hell away. Not just because the journey required him to drive past his old house, which it did. Not because it was a long drive, which it was. Not because this would likely set him back in therapy, which it undeniably would.

Elijah knew walking through the crowds to find her would be all too inviting. The drive to sit next to the two people who should have been parents, and were in so many ways, and watched with them as their only daughter graduated high school, could very well be his unraveling.

Too many moments missed in the last nine years, yet Elijah was uncertain if he had a right to be a part of such a significant one. After all, he'd now been out of her life longer than he'd been a part of it.

Madeline was a feisty two-year-old when they'd first met. She'd had more hair than any toddler he'd ever met, and that big mischievous smile of hers could be seen from two blocks away. Elijah had heard of the 'terrible twos', yet with all the energy this little girl had, there was nothing terrible about her. Not yet wise beyond her years, she still had the sweetest outlook on life back then. That was before his mother's death two years later. Before his father unleashed all that darkness and madness, he'd been holding within himself.

From the age of two all the way to the age of nine, Elijah had a connection to that little girl. One he'd never felt before, and had never felt since. While she may have exhausted him at the beginning, she crawled into his heart with ease, and there she remained.

Elijah had never been one for friendships. Even as a child, it wasn't easy for him. Some may have thought it silly to have a best friend so much younger than himself, but it wasn't like he sought the friendship out. No, it was Maddie who wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

His little M&M. That little girl with the big hair and the even bigger smile wormed her way into his heart like it was as easy as breathing to her. Now here she was, about to start a new chapter of her life. Yet another chapter he wouldn't be in. He hadn't even been in her story since early in the book, yet here he was, hiding in the background of her life.

Maddie deserved better than that. Better than him. That simple fact kept him away for so many years. So why in the hell did he find it impossible now?

A glimpse of wild curls grabbed Elijah's attention. Though her back was turned away from him, he knew exactly who it was. She was speaking to Elijah's old teacher who'd been a pain in his ass his senior years, but also perhaps his saving grace.

Ms. Baker was brand new to teaching that year and reminded him of one of those teachers from the movies who swoops in and shakes everything up. She had that spirit about her that reminded him a bit of M&M, but with Mitch and Mary's take no bullshit attitude. Despite Elijah's best efforts, the woman got to him. His attitude was no match for her determination, and eventually she convinced him he deserved a better life than what the cards had dealt him.

Elijah could have entrusted the letter he wrote to Mitch and Mary, but he needed someone to look after M&M during a time in life where things could so easily go sideways. And the way Ms. Baker embraced Maddie, it appeared she'd remained true to the promise she made nine years prior.

When a man's voice came through the microphone to request seniors take their seats, Maddie gave her Ms. Baker a last squeeze before turning away from her. It was then he could almost see her. Rather than allow himself the luxury, Elijah turned his back to her and took his place far in the background once again. He just couldn't risk being seen, as much as he wanted to see her, as much as he wanted to go through the crowds of onlookers in the bleachers to feel Mitch and Mary's embrace once again.

There she was, one of the few students in their chair, ready to relish in the start of her new journey. And here he was, some creeper watching a high school graduation next to a tree in the background. No GED. No place he'd ever considered home. A car which was given to him that was on its last leg. A criminal record with a temperament to match. The string of failed relationships, both romantic and platonic.

Elijah wasn't just watching his childhood best friend graduate. He was there to see what his life could have been if only he'd had a mother who could fight her illness and win, and had a father like Mitch to support him.

In an alternate existence, where his father had skipped town after his mother's death, and Mitch and Mary had adopted him, this could have been his life nine years ago. It could have been him sitting in one of the perfectly aligned chairs waiting to cross that stage and receive his diploma. It could have been him going to college in a few months' time.

With parents like Maddie's, what would have become of his life? Elijah never imagined him working a nine to five in an office, but maybe a business owner? A photographer? A job that allowed him to travel and see the world? All those thoughts invaded his mind as he watched more graduates take their seat.

Elijah shook the thoughts from his brain and scratched the stubble on his cheek as he continued to stare at the slightly tamed curls of the girl he couldn't approach. No, Elijah would never have the future M&M would. Not just because she was given the lottery of parents, but because of her beautiful soul. Her soft nature. Her determination. Elijah could only hope she would lead a big enough life for the both of them. 

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