Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER EIGHT: CARRY YOU

After a long day, Elijah laid in his bed staring at the envelope. Her fingers had caressed the paper, her hand had held the pen that scrawled his name. It was bordering on obsession. He knew it. Opening this envelope was flirting with fire, but everything attached to her was. Always had been, and always would be.

Neither he nor Mitch had brought the letter up for the first two visits. Instead, they all concentrated on dissecting the past and facing it together. Elijah couldn't lie. He wouldn't have been able to handle most of it if they weren't on either side of him, holding his hands. Now he was about halfway through the rehab program. Still struggling with his demons, but facing them for the first time in his life with their help.

But this... This letter, this woman who wrote the words, was another one of those demons. One that hit too close to home for his family to help him with. Elijah considered waiting until he was out of rehab before reading it, but ultimately decided he didn't want to risk being able to run to the nearest bottle. He was contained her. He had a support system here.

The flap of the envelope was tucked in rather than sealed, and when Mitch handed it over, had let him know that he'd read the contents and found them mostly safe for his eyes to read and his heart to take in. So he opened the flap, tugged at the single piece of paper, and opened it so it was flat. For so long, he stared at the penmanship, not reading the words, but instead just absorbing it. Where she'd pressed the pen down harder. Where it looked like she may have paused before forcing herself to continue. Where she crossed out words she decided not to use to the point they were completely blacked out.

Like Jiffy the Giraffe, the paper smelled a bit like lavender and vanilla, where she rest her arm against it as she fought for the will to press on and complete her task.

E,

When this all went wrong, I took the prism you gave me off the hook in front of my bedroom window. It felt like I wouldn't be able to survive with all these reminders of you. But as quickly as I took it down, I put it back where it was, because we'll never be rid of each other. Objects won't change that, and neither would time. We're a part of each other forever. So much so, I've been able to feel your pain these last two years, hoping if I carry some of it as my own, you'll find your way out of the darkness and into the light.

I tried to cry you out of my system, and you tried to drink me out of yours, but nothing either of us can do will get rid of the love we've always felt for each other. We're a part of each other. We define one another's pasts, even in the time we were separated.

That love is still beautiful. The passion was painful, the loss of it even worse, but that innocent love? It kept us both going time and time again, and I cherish it like nothing else. Moving on from one another was like no pain I ever felt, but I did, and you need to do the same. You can't keep drowning in it, because if it ends up bringing you to your last breath, I'll never forgive myself, and I'll never be whole. That's what you do to me, even at a distance.

I have moved on, but I carry you with me. I'll always carry you with me, because even now, you are still my best friend. It's written across all the pages I don't dare send to you, with the exception of this one, but what we meant and still mean to each other cannot be erased with distance or time.

We'll move on, have lives that are separate. Maybe I'll get married and start a family, maybe you'll start a business and find a way to allow a new woman into your heart, but we'll always be part of one another.

Because you are still my best friend, and hopefully because I'm still yours, I need to ask a favor of you. I need to live and finally allow yourself to flourish. I can't bare the thought of being in a world that doesn't have you in it. It would destroy me, and I know you don't want to do that to me a third time.

I know you're probably trying to come up with reasons, as I did the same. But we can both push ourselves to be better, knowing that's what the other would want. You've done it before when we weren't in each other's lives. You can do it again.

If ever you feel yourself falter, or when it all seems like too much, remember the words I spoke to you when you came back into my life. There is nothing about you that isn't worth loving. Let the world see you, Elijah, because who you are is beautiful. You just have to let yourself believe it.

Always & Forever,

Your M&M

Elijah wiped at his face, trying to rid himself of the tears and his own thoughts. No matter how painful their ending was, she still loved him. Maybe was even still in love with him. Maybe not. No matter which, what they felt for one another could never turn into hate. Could never be tainted or evaporate.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that he was still very much in love with her, but would settle for this. They continued their friendship at a distance, and he would rely on it again. Maddie, his M&M, could still be his courage. His strength. His salvation. It was Madeline who could be his ruin. Now all Elijah had to do was separate the girl he loved from the woman he would always be in love with.