Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER THREE: FATHERLY CONCERN

"Did one hell of a number on your place, I see."

Elijah turned to see Mitch standing in the hallway, his arms crossed and his stance strong. Still, he looked damn tired.

"How did you get in here?"

Mitch let out an empty laugh, then released one of his hands to scratch the overgrown stubble on his face. "Your front door was wide open, genius. Though I suppose there's no point in worrying about someone robbing you when you've already broken everything you own."

"Not everything," Elijah corrected, dropping himself against the bed. The pillow Madeline laid her head against, the throw blanket she brought over for the couch, a sweater she left in the closet, and, of course, those damn candles. "Not yet."

He was still in the early stages of his grief.

Elijah felt the denial. Maybe she'll come back. Maybe M&M needed him as much as he needed her, even if in the innocent way they once felt. He couldn't have her completely when they wanted such different things for their future, but maybe their friendship could still be salvaged with just a little of time. It was a useless hope, but it was the only thing keeping him breathing.

Elijah felt an anger like nothing he'd ever experienced. He was never this angry when his dad beat him or spoke cruel words laced with hatred. He wasn't even this angry when he pulled up beside his old house, a gun beneath the passenger seat, knowing he was fully capable of taking his father's life at that moment.

The step Elijah hadn't quite reached was bargaining. Maybe he could give Madeline the child she wanted in the future. She'd make an incredible mother, because she was raised by two incredible parents. But Elijah was in no place to show up at her door making promises. Hell, he was worse off now than he'd been the entire time they were apart.

Then there was depression. Elijah did his best to remain in the earlier stages, because once the anger wore off and he allowed himself to truly feel the weight of this loss, it would consume him.

Acceptance seemed impossible.

"Jay called Maddie and got my number," Mitch spoke, breaking the silence. "He didn't want her getting any more involved than she had to be. Now I understand why. Jesus, Elijah, and here I thought Maddie was in rough shape."

Elijah lifted his head to look at the man. "Is she-"

"She's fine," Mitch reassured with a wave of his hand, then shook his head as his gaze dropped to the floor. "At least compared to you, she is. I don't think she's sleeping much, and she's barely eating a damn thing. She looks like she just finished crying oceans every time I see her. Truth is, I've been worrying about her like crazy until now. Now, I'm worried about you.

"Elijah, you look like you're ten seconds away from cutting your wrists open." Mitch lifted his head to look long and hard at Elijah. "I can't lose you again, son. I can't. My heart can't take it, and neither can my family. Especially in the way there's no coming back from, which you're flirting with."

He wasn't entirely wrong. Elijah considered taking his own life a handful of times since Madeline left his apartment. It was the only way they could truly be free of one another. Yes, they parted ways, but Madeline would always be etched into his soul. She would always invade his thoughts. The sort of love he felt for her, no matter how brief, was love you couldn't just be released from. You carried it with you for the rest of your days, and Elijah wasn't sure he could handle carrying that weight. Most of all, he didn't want Madeline to be burdened by it.

"I feel like I can't breathe without her, Mitch," he admitted. "I mean, I'm taking breaths, but it's like they're not enough. What the fuck am I supposed to do here? Just keep breathing and hope it gets easier? Keep living and hope that eventually living will stop feeling this fucking painful? Am I supposed to just start my life over from scratch?

"How do you move on from that? How do you become a better man without reasons? How do you survive when you've lost the one thing that's been keeping you sane for most your life?"

By the look in Mitch's eyes, he had even fewer answers than Elijah did.

He kept thinking back to the day he watched Madeline graduate. Too far away to see and appreciate her true beauty, close enough to feel that tug in his chest. That was the thing. He was always able to feel her. It was like a shot of electricity coursing through his veins, causing the hair on his arms to stand. Even if he hadn't been able to pick her out of a crowd, which he had despite the distance, he could still feel her presence close by.

But he remembered thinking that day about wondering what his future would have been if his father disappeared after his mom's death, and the Martin's had adopted him. Would Elijah have been spared this sort of love if he'd never left her side, considering her more of a little sister, always his best friend, but never allowing her to become the love of his life?

Elijah already knew the answer to that. There was no turning off the stars or flicking them away. There was no changing their fate. She was born to be his love, be his salvation, be his ruin. No shift in reality could alter who they would become to one another, or who they were.

Her love was something Elijah could likely learn to live without. It would take time, but so long as he could go on loving her, it was survivable. But that friendship? That bond that no measure of time had been able to undo? That is what would kill him slowly. Knowing he could never bask in her smile, run his fingers through her hair, knowing that she was lying in pieces just a few miles away, and he couldn't wipe away her tears or hold her against him until the anguish let up.

Elijah would never and could never be that man for her. That's what wrecked him.

If he hadn't dared kiss her during that snowstorm, if he'd resisted that all-consuming temptation, she'd be in his life now. Maybe not in the way fate had planned, but in the way he would have been able to keep.

"I don't have the answers you're looking for, Elijah," Mitch admitted. "The only thing I know is you are my son. You have been for as long as I dare look back. And right now, both of my children are suffering a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and I feel useless to both of you.

"Right now, I'm scared of hell of walking out that door, and when I come back, you've turned into your father. Full of a rage that consumes you, a darkness that refuses to let in the light, and a fall down drunk incapable of love. You're better than that, Elijah. Hell, you're better than me. You were born a survivor, and I'm terrified you'll die a victim of yourself.

"But even if that does happen, even if you end up turning into your father's son... It might be my biggest fear, but you won't scare me out of your life. I will still keep loving you, because that's what a real family does. And make no mistake, I am your family. You are my child, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. The thing is, I don't know what I can do right now. I've never felt so damn lost or hopeless in my life."

Though a tear threatened to fall, Elijah wouldn't allow it. Letting those words sink in would just make him feel like a bigger piece of shit than he already was. "Welcome to the club."