Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: FACING THE TRUTH

Elijah woke up at four in the morning, his hand still entwined with Madeline's. This time, he awoke from a dream. The same little girl he'd thought was his M&M before, only this time she spoke, and called him 'daddy'. He'd never had dreams of being a father before. Elijah knew if that was ever in the cards, Madeline was the only woman on this planet who could bring out the desire for a family of his own. All his dreams did was confirm it.

It wasn't even dark out when they'd fallen asleep, and now the sun was still an hour away from rising. After he separated their hands, Elijah went to the bathroom and grabbed a shower, travelled down to the basement for fresh clothes, started the coffee in the kitchen, then went out to his truck, taking five minutes to haul every box into the living room from outside.

After pouring himself a cup of coffee, Elijah opened the first box and saw his mother's youthful face staring back at him a dozen times over. Pictures of when he was Madeline's age, when they first met, a sweet toddler with dark pigtails and a big smile. Before Elijah took a single photo out, he trotted back down to the basement and returned with his sketchbook, then dumped the contents of the box across the table in front of him.

One as a toddler, one as a child with her hair longer and in a ponytail, one where she was his age when she died, just reaching her teen years, and one where she was about his age when he left, just having reached adulthood.

There would be no photos of the mom he remembered, a beautiful woman with slightly hollow eyes and a timid smile. It wasn't until then that Elijah realized he was one year older now than she'd been when she left this earth.

He'd felt so hopeless that day. He remembered wondering who'd be there to love him now that she was gone. Who would talk to him about girls, teach him how to be a gentleman? Where would he go to get advice about love or grades or life? Who would hold and comfort him when the world beat him down?

While his mother loved him beyond measure, she was gone, and there was no one left to love him.

The family next door with the little girl who followed him around like he was the greatest thing on earth would become all those things to him. Mary and Mitch loved him beyond measure, saving for his future as soon as his father gave him that first beating; something he was unaware of until he went to say his goodbyes. They bought him presents on his birthday and for Christmas, took him clothes shopping at the start of every school year. Mary talked to him about girls, and Mitch taught him how to shave and change a tire.

They never treated him as less than. Never treated him like anything short of family. Their home was his haven, and the people inside were his whole world.

When he was fifteen or sixteen, after one of his dad's beatings, Mitch was icing the wounds and asked him why in the hell I wouldn't just let them help him? Why every time they called the cops on his dad, Elijah denied everything or ran away so he wouldn't have to say anything?

As if my some cosmic connection, footsteps hit the steps and Mitch came into view, looking tired and worn the hell out. "You and I need to talk. Again."

Elijah ignored the comment and went right back to looking at the four photographs. "Do you remember when you asked me why I put up with my dad's beatings? Why I never told the cops the truth when you called them?"

Mitch paused on the final step for a beat, then completed the journey and just stared over at him. "I remember. You never did give me an answer."

"It was because I knew I'd get sent to live with another relative," Elijah admitted finally. "Leaving that house meant leaving the only mother I had left, the only father who truly loved me, a best friend I'd do absolutely anything for. I thought my childhood was one big trauma, but I had so much love in my life, and I couldn't stand the thought of leaving it. I lied so I could keep all of you.

"I think about how fucked up I was, and then I think about how I might have turned out if my family hadn't moved next door to yours. How much more fucked up I'd be if I hadn't had all of you in my life. You, Mary, M&M, you all saved my life repeatedly. Showed me I was worth saving, worth loving. Showed me what a family could be for one another. That your children weren't just something you had to love until they turned eighteen and went their own way, but that sort of love was forever, and unconditional. I don't know if I ever thanked you for that."

"I don't know if you ever thanked me for that," Mitch conceded, "but I know you never have to. But where the hell is all this coming from, son?"

Elijah shook his head, leaned his back against the couch away from the photographs, and took his first drink of coffee. "The first night you caught us sleeping in bed together, Madeline asked me what made me end things. If it was just having children, or if there was more to it than that. I explained everything to her. I told her I was a mess inside back then. Her coming back into my life made me happy, but I needed to be happy with myself, and I wasn't. Inside I was screaming, and everything in me felt like it'd been slowly boiling over. I didn't know it then, but once the water spilled out, I realized that was the true reason.

"But when she brought up the kid thing, I remembered that fear I felt when you first said the word. That was a genuine panic in me. My father hated me, my father's father hated him, my mother's family completely abandoned her, never even showing up for her funeral. I truly felt like I was spawned from hate, its DNA coursing through me. Programmed not to show love or affection, programmed to be detached, heartless even. Was that something I could risk passing down?"

"Your mother loved you, Elijah," Mitch argued.

He nodded his agreement. "Yes, she did. I was angry at her for a long time for leaving me, but when she was still here, she showed me nothing but love. And her parents loved her, Mitch," Elijah told him before taking another sip of coffee.

Elijah looked over at the photographs again, bringing Mitch's attention to them. "They didn't blow off her funeral. Harrison didn't tell them she died until a month later. Hell, they didn't even know she was sick. When they did finally find out about her death, they wanted custody of me. But apparently in this state, grandparents don't have rights to their grandchildren, and they had nothing solid against him.

"He brainwashed my fucking mother, Mitch. He controlled her, gaslit her, and isolated her from her family. And he did the same fucking thing to me, telling me they didn't love me, never gave a shit, didn't want her. All that bullshit.

"That's where I went yesterday. I went to confront my grandparents because I needed to heal that part of me. I needed to face those fears. My grandmother tried looking for me until the day she died, but she couldn't find me because I changed my last name. I've got three boxes here full of presents they bought me every year. I sat down with my grandfather, and all I could feel was love and sadness from all the time lost.

"I wasn't spawned out of hatred, Mitch. Yes, my father hated me, but that's not who I am anymore. I'm my mother's son. I choose to be my mother's son. I choose to let go of the anger I feel for my father and forgive him for myself. I choose to live with courage instead of fear. I choose to be grateful for the family I had instead of focusing on the sadness from all the time I lost.

"And I choose Madeline until the day I day. If she chooses me, I will give her everything I am, good and bad, and not run away scared. If she doesn't choose me, then yes, I'll lead a lonely life, but it's better than settling for half-hearted love. Either way, her and I were put on this earth for each other. That's a gift, Mitch, and I'm not walking away from that a third time. So no, we don't need to talk."