Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER TWENTY: MORNING FIRES

Elijah awoke with sun peering between the blinds, and looked over at the woman laying by his side. This wasn't like all the other times. His hands weren't on her stomach, and her back wasn't pressed against his chest. But she did have a hand resting against his arm, causing Elijah to wonder if it was on purpose. Did they still sleep best when laying next to each other?

Minus his mental and physical exhaustion after her surgery, Elijah hadn't slept that well in years. Four of them to be exact. No worries preventing him from falling asleep, not nightmares startling him awake, though he did dream of her as a little girl, running up to him with her arms spread wide. Only in that dream, Elijah was the age he was now, and M&M's eyes looked more like his own. 

Elijah took a moment to look closely at Madeline. He'd noticed her hair was red as soon as he walked in the hospital room, but couldn't focus on it when all his focus was on her injuries, and the fact that she was alive and in the same room as him. The change of hair seemed purposeful, as if she were trying to reinvent herself during this new stage in her life. 

Besides her hair, there was little about her that had changed. She was still his M&M, minus the curls. She was still absolutely beautiful. No scars and bruises could change that undeniable fact. 

He gave her one last look, fought temptation to kiss her, and gently removed her hand from his arm before sliding out of bed. 

The aroma of coffee lingered in the air, causing Elijah to pause just a moment on the steps, before continuing his decent until Mitch came into view. He was sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee in hand, his feet resting atop the table as he continued gazing ahead of him at nothing. 

"You're playing with fire," Mitch spoke. "You know that, right?"

It was fairly obvious that Mitch noticed Elijah in the bedroom, as he hadn't closed the door before they'd fallen asleep. Even then, he would have noticed Elijah going down the wrong flight of stairs rather than coming up from the basement. 

Elijah skipped the coffee and took a seat next to Mitch on the couch. "I'm trying not to," he told him. "I kept my distance in the bed when she said she wanted to watch a movie with me. Didn't even mean to fall asleep in there. I'm in uncharted waters here, Mitch. All I can do is try to figure things out. Maybe see if our friendship can be salvaged."

"Something tells me two people who are in love with each other can never be 'just friends'," Mitch spoke in a sort of a grunt. He then sat up, placed his feet against the floor and set his coffee cup on the table before turning to look Elijah dead in the eye. "Have you even gone out on a single date since the two of you broke up?"

Dating wasn't an option when he was drunk, nor was it an option for a while after he was sober. At least, it was frowned upon since a breakup could push you right off the wagon. After that? Jay had tried to set him up a few times at one of his barbecues, but Elijah declined every time.

Outside of those sort of get togethers, there wasn't really an opportunity. He went from home to work, then back home for his online classes. His hobbies were all done within his home. Realistically, Elijah led almost as much of a solitary life as he did before he'd moved to this town.

Then there was a single fact more important than all the others. He didn't want to date. Moving on from Madeline was an option, but he knew everyone who came after her would be second place, and he didn't want any woman having to be that in his life.

"I've been busy," Elijah told him finally.

"Busy," Mitch repeated. "Busy for four years?"

 "First two don't count. I was too damn drunk and pissed off all the time. And when you're in rehab, they tell you to take your time before you date. You risk becoming co-dependent on the other person. They recommend waiting at least a year before entering a relationship."

"It's been at least a year, Elijah, and you and Maddie are the definition of 'codependent'," Mitch reminded him, as if he needed the reminder. "Have you at least slept with anyone. And please, I don't need details. A one word answer will suffice."

"Once." He'd had sex one time in five years, pre-dating Madeline coming back into his life. One time. Everything about it felt so damn wrong, that Elijah hadn't bothered with it again. But that woman wasn't his date. He'd fucked her during a New Year's party last year in Jack's upstairs bathroom, stayed fifteen minutes longer, then went home. 

Elijah rubbed the back of his neck and let out a sigh. "I get it, Mitch. You're worried about both of us. But I'm not the guy I was four years ago. Yeah, I'm still chipping away at my issues, but I'm not him anymore. I'm not terrified of what I'm capable of, I have ways of coping, I've built relationships with people and maintained them. I'm not running scared anymore. 

"Do I love her? Hell yes, I love her. I'll love her and be in love with her for the rest of my life. She's been a part of me for twenty-three years, and you just don't walk away from that. We're connected for forever. When you called that night, I knew something happened to her before I ever picked up that phone. And in that letter you gave me, she could feel the pain I was in from four fucking miles away. That's just who we are to each other.

"If there's a chance I can have that friendship back, I'm going to take it, because nothing in my life has ever been more important to me than her. That's all I'm looking for here. I know you said two people in love with each can't just..." Then it hit him. The exact phrasing of Mitch's words. "Madeline isn't-"

"She never said as much out loud, but when she came over to tell us she was engaged, that wasn't the sort of joy you'd expect someone to have. Maddie was happy, sure, but you could see that sadness in there too. It's honestly just as well the engagement ended when it did. I'm not even certain she would have gone through with it, and if she had, that wasn't the sort of relationship that keeps you content the rest of your life."

Mitch paused, let out a huff, then continued. "I don't care about your criminal record, Elijah, and I don't judge you for spiraling after the breakup, or ending up in rehab. I've told you a hundred times before, and I'll probably tell you another hundred more at least, but you're my son. It hurt like hell seeing you like that, but it's been remarkable to witness what you've done with your life since then. The changes you made. And it's a beautiful thing to see you at peace after you had to live most of your life suffering in torment. 

"I'm scared," Mitch admitted quietly, a somber taking over his face. "You say all you want from her is friendship, which is a load of bull, but whatever. The thing of it is, as long as Maddie is still part of your life, you'll never move on from this. You'll never give any other woman a chance, because no one could ever live up to what the two of you had, no matter how brief the relationship part was. That's a lonely existence, Elijah, and it will take it's toll."