Written In The Stars: Book Two

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: FACING FEARS

Elijah was fully aware he was playing with fire when it came to Madeline. There was no turning his feelings for that woman off, only masking them, which became more difficult every time he looked at her. Seeing her laying in hospital bed, still beautiful in her broken state, all Elijah wanted was to take care of her. Protect her from every bad thing in this world. 

Four years ago, Elijah knew, or at least thought, he was one of the bad things she needed protection from. Never physically. Nothing she could do or say would cause him to lay a hand on her, but he could wreck her emotionally. Hell, he did wreck her emotionally just by leaving, but it was a far easier pain than what lay ahead if she'd stuck by his side. The anguish in Mitch's eyes for nearly two years straight proved that. 

Now here she was, back in his life, and Elijah wasn't sure how to handle it. His first instinct was she still needed protection. Protection from trying to do things on her own, protection from a controlling fiancé, and still protection from his own demons. He'd made a lot of progress in the last two years, but watching her sleep in his apartment, in the room he escaped to to flee from the memories they'd shared in his other bed, made Elijah realize he was still broken. 

He'd spent time working on the big things, chipping away at the pain in his past with his therapist. He'd found ways to cope with his anger at the gym, found ways of coping with the sadness within paint strokes, found a way to keep his mind away from negative energy through learning new tasks. Elijah had pieced the larger broken pieces back together with time, talk, and practice, but there were so many things he still feared confronting. 

Before they started a movie the night before, Madeline had brought up the conversation in the hotel room, and if there was something more to the issue that had pulled them apart. Elijah gave her an honest reply, explaining to her that he thought so at the time, but realized soon thereafter that it was all his issues combined that he was trying to protect her from. 

But he still didn't have all the answers to that single issue that he thought broke them apart. 

The marriage his mother had with his father was unstable to say the least. Elijah never did find out if her mother truly loved Harrison, or if she'd married him because she fell pregnant, and just accepted her fate. 

His biological father never loved him. That was one thing Elijah was certain of. He ever felt one single ounce of love from that man, and he doubted Harrison lost a single night's sleep over his disappearance. The few times he'd been around his grandfather on his father's side, it was the same. There were no words of encouragement or loves spoken between the two men, no genuine relationship, no compassion. His grandfather never even hugged either of them after his mom's death. 

It helped somewhat, knowing how his father was toward Elijah had come from somewhere. At least then, he knew it because of who he was or the fact that he existed at all. His dad was raised not to show love, raised to be indifferent. The animosity was the only thing he was shown to express. 

Elijah never once met anyone on his mother's side of the family. No one came to the funeral, or came to see him after. They discarded their daughter when she became pregnant, throwing her away like trash. He remembered his mom discussing her parents with Harrison when her cancer took a turn for the worst, saying she wanted to see them, but no one ever came. 

Both sides of his blood family failed to show compassion, empathy, or love, and Elijah wasn't certain if was something engrained in him. If he was capable of showing and feeling all the things he wasn't shown by his father, or his parents weren't shown by their parents. What he did know what that he didn't want to fuck up some poor, innocent child like he'd been fucked up. 

Elijah knew where to find his answers, or some measure of closure. It was finding the courage to face it that was the issue. But with Madeline back in his life in some measure, and after the conversation with Mitch, he needed to figure out what was inside of him. What was just the trauma of his past, and was was engrained within his DNA.

He took a drag off his cigarette, knowing he should quit now while he was only five or six days in. A crutch to maintain his sanity wasn't needed anymore, not when he found other ways to cope. He'd quit twice already, and could do so again. He'd been doing pretty well until he got the call that Madeline was engaged. 

When Elijah's phone buzzed inside the pocket of his jeans. Elijah leaned back in the green plastic chair on his back patio, and pulled the phone out, crushing his cigarette against the pavement. 'Jay's' name popped up on the screen, and Elijah swiped to accept.

"Can you do me a favor?"

Jay let out a laugh. "The moment I've been waiting for. What do you need?"

"Could you come over this afternoon?" Elijah asked as he rubbed his temple. "Mitch went back home to grab some stuff. Won't be back until tonight. I have to go do something that's going to take a few hours, but I don't want to Madeline and her mom alone that long in case she wants to come downstairs."

There was a few moments of silence before Jay responded. "I can be there in forty minutes. Why? Where are you going?"

Elijah wasn't certain how to answer that question. Not yet. "There's just someone I've got to talk to. I'll explain more when I get back."

"No problem. But if my wife goes into labor, they're on their own. If that happens, I'll give you a call."

"Thanks man. I appreciate it."