Only If We Could || Y.JW FF

fourteen - realization

Jungwon stared at Jake who avoided Jungwon's gaze. Jake, Jungwon, and Sunghoon moved to the living room so that they wouldn't wake up Heeseung. Yet, no one has said a thing.

Jungwon sat there nervously, his leg bouncing up and down. "Jake hyeong," Jungwon called out, hesitation laced in his tone. Almost sounding afraid.

Jake hummed gently, not sure how to face Jungwon. It wasn't that he felt guilty because there wasn't anything going on between him and Kyungmi, but for some reason, he still felt as if he did something wrong.

"Do you like Kyungmi nuna?" Jungwon questioned.

Jake paused before turning his attention to Jungwon. "No."

Jungwon stared back at Jake, his eyes widened. "Then what's going on between you two?"

Jake sighed heavily before running his fingers through his hair. Sunghoon pulled himself up, curious about what Jake was going to say. "Nothing. Literally nothing, Jungwon-ah. You have my word on that one," Jake clarified.

He lied.

Jake had a small crush on Kyungmi.

He understood what those feelings were. He knew. Yet, he would never admit it out loud. He knew how much Kyungmi meant to Jungwon and would never jeopardize his relationship with Jungwon over a stupid crush. A mere attraction. At the same time, he couldn't shake the feeling. Jungwon blew out a breath of relief, but Jake tilted his head, eyeing Jungwon. "But, even if there was something going on between Kyungmi-ah and me, why would it matter to you?"

Jungwon froze. Sunghoon smacked the back of Jake's shoulder, sending him a glare. Jake paid no mind to Sunghoon, instead, he kept his eyes locked on Jungwon, watching his reaction to the question.

Why?

Why did he care so much about Kyungmi's love life?

Why?

Why did the idea of Kyungmi dating irritate him?

Jungwon tilted his head in annoyance. A small smirk tugged its way onto Jake's lips. Jungwon started to connect the pieces on his own. Sunghoon furrowed his brows in confusion. "What the hell are you trying to pull by asking that?" Sunghoon whispered in a hiss.

Jake turned his head, staring back at Sunghoon's curious eyes. "He's in the middle of realizing something."

That was all Jake said before turning his head back to Jungwon. Jungwon was lost in his own world, his strange feelings confusing him further than he was before. Niki wandered into the living room, still half asleep. He quickly came to a halt when he saw the three of them sitting around.

"What's going on, hyeongs?" Niki asked as he plopped beside Sunghoon.

Jake shook his head, "nothing, Niki-ya."

Niki hummed in acknowledgment, dropping his head on Sunghoon's shoulder, and yawning loudly. "What's wrong with Jungwon-hyeong?"

Jungwon turned to look at Niki, his eyes slightly widened. "That can't be it, right?"

The three of them look at Jungwon with curious eyes. "What?" Sunghoon questioned, completely curious about Jungwon's thought process.

"That can't be true," Jungwon was starting to freak out. He sprung up from his seat.

This isn't right, there's no way in hell that this is true.

Jake's smirk widened when he realized that Jungwon had finally figured it out. Sunghoon and Niki looked concerned when Jungwon began pacing around, mumbling incoherent things to himself. "Yah, Jungwon-ah," Sunghoon called out to him.

Jungwon froze. "I like her."

His voice was soft, almost in a whisper. Niki's eyes widened while Sunghoon inched his way closer to Jungwon, not having heard what he said.

"What?"

Jungwon looked up at Sunghoon, fear lingering in his eyes, "I still like Kyungmi nuna, hyeong."

Sunghoon looked at Jungwon in shock. Everyone had their suspicions, but no one openly said this to Jungwon because they didn't want him to become distracted by his unknown emotions. "Why do you make it sound like such a bad thing?" Sunghoon asked gently.

"Because the last time I figured out that I liked her, she disappeared from my life for six years," Jungwon said, his voice shaky. He looked at Sunghoon with a pleading expression. "I don't know what I'll do if I have to lose her again, hyeong. I just got her back, I can't lose her again. I can't," Jungwon rushed out, tears pooling in his eyes, threatening to spill.

Seeing Jungwon like this broke their hearts. Jungwon groaned in frustration. How could it have taken him this long to figure out that he still had feelings for her? It wasn't like the signs were subtle. The foreign heat that spread throughout his body whenever she called his name or smiled at him. Or the way her touch made his mind go numb his skin erupt in goosebumps. Or how his heart would slam against his ribcage whenever her name lit up on his phone screen.

"How could I've been so stupid?" Jungwon hissed as he threw himself back onto the couch.

He thought that he was only feeling this way because he was happy for her to be back. Yet, that didn't explain why he longed for her soon after she left. Why he missed her even when she was right beside him?

Jake patted Jungwon's thigh. "Don't beat yourself up over this, Jungwon-ah. You're still a kid, how could you have known the difference between all these emotions when you never experienced them before?" Jungwon sighed in discomfort. The sudden realization made his head spin, impersonating the feeling of being dizzy.

"This sucks, Jake hyeong," Jungwon whined.

Jake pulled Jungwon into a hug, patting his back to comfort him. "I know, Jungwon-ah."

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Jungwon allowed a few tears to fall. Sunghoon and Niki watched with aching hearts. Jungwon was the first to pull away, thanking Jake. Jake smiled softly at Jungwon, ruffling his hair. As if perfect timing didn't exist, Jungwon's ringtone disturbed the silence, making them all jump.

Jungwon moved quickly to fish his phone out of his sweats, stiffening up when Kyungmi's name was written across the screen. Shakily, Jungwon clicked the answer button, moving to place the phone next to his ear. "Hello?"

Kyungmi was silent for a moment. "Hi, Jungwon-ah."

Jungwon's lips gently tugged up into a small smile, not even realizing that he was smiling. "Hi, nuna."

The boys looked at each other. "Let's give him some privacy," Sunghoon suggested. Jake looked hesitant, not wanting to leave, but nevertheless, he got up, giving Jungwon some privacy.

"I miss you, Jungwon-ah," Kyungmi claimed.

Jungwon's eyes widened in surprise. "We miss you too," he said, not wanting to confess that he was dying to see her in person again.

Kyungmi laughed gently. "I already told Jake that I missed you guys this morning. I'm telling you, that I miss you."

Jungwon blew out a laugh. "Ah. You spoke to Jake hyeong this morning?"

Kyungmi hummed in response. "I wanted to see if you guys wanted to hang out today, but it seemed to have slipped my mind that you guys are on lockdown," Jungwon laughed gently at Kyungmi. "I would've called you, but I didn't want to wake you."

Jungwon tilted his head, brows furrowed. "But you would've called to wake Jake hyeong?"

"Yeah, he wasn't on V-Live all night like somebody else I know," Kyungmi pointed out.

Jungwon pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, trying his absolute best to hold back his smile. "How considerate of you," Jungwon said.

Kyungmi sucked her teeth at Jungwon's sarcastic tone. "Yah. Yang Jungwon!" Jungwon burst out laughing hearing Kyungmi yell at him. Kyungmi groaned in annoyance hearing Jungwon tease her. Kyungmi hated being teased, especially by Jungwon. Kyungmi waited for Jungwon to simmer down. "You done?" Kyungmi asked.

Jungwon hummed before clearing his throat. "Oh, and nuna," Jungwon called out. Kyungmi quickly responded with 'what', annoyed with her friend. "I miss you, too."