Kind Of Infinite (Outer Banks)

Chapter 16

Ava's and JJs ways had parted at the dock. Ava had him told about the woman in her living room, the argument between her and her father and what JJs father had said about Ava's mother. Of course, she had wanted to help her friends to find the cross, but right in that moment, Ava had to uncover another mystery. JJ had taken the truck to finally save the Twinkie and Ava had made her way back home. Ava had used the 30 minutes' walk back home to sort her mind and feelings, until she finally reached the small house. First, she quietly went to her room to grab the bandana that Kiara had given her at the bonfire. Wearing it around her neck to cover the bruises, Ava went downstairs and took in a deep breath, before she entered the living room. The tension inside the room felt heavy and Ava's lungs instantly started to work faster. Her father sat on the grey couch with an unreadable expression, but his hands were moving around nervously. Looking to her left, Ava saw her grandmother sitting in her armchair. She silently stirred her tea with a little spoon, while she sadly stared inside the cup.

"Were you able to help your friends?", Trevor asked and looked up to his daughter. Ava nodded and suddenly noticed how tensed her body was.

"JJ went to help them. I think we need to talk. Who was that woman and what did she want?", Ava asked and her father sighed. He leant back and patted his hand onto the empty space next to him. Ava shook her head. Her body felt stiff and she feared, that if she would move just one finger, all the thoughts, feelings and stress would want to break out of her.

"How much of our conversation did you hear?", her father asked and Ava shrugged her shoulders.

"Not much, but enough to feel uneased. Enough to make up scenarios in my mind and I'm not sure what that means.", Ava explained and looked around the room, as her voice began to shake. Deep down inside her, she knew, that there was only one logical explanation for this situation, but the little kid inside her still hoped, that there was something else. Some other story, something that wouldn't change her whole life.

"Ava, I'm sorry you had to get to know about it this way. That wasn't how we had planned it...", her father started and Ava squeezed her eyes shut.

"Will you please, just tell me the truth right now?", Ava interrupted him and her father took a shaky breath, before he stood up from his seat.

"A few weeks before I met your mum, I had broken up with a girl. Then I met your mum, we fell in love and a month into our relationship, this girl from earlier told me, that she was pregnant with my child. She was young and she wasn't ready for a child. But I was and your mum, she... she wasn't able to have children on her own. We talked a lot about it. Our parents thought we were crazy, we had known each other for just a month. But I knew, that I wanted that child and your mum chose to stay with me. Your mum chose to be your mum and she raised you as her own daughter. She adopted you right after your birth and we took you to Iceland. We did not only go there for your education, but your mum was scared that your biological mother would want to see you someday or worse. I understood that fear, so we thought it was best to leave the Outer Banks. Ava, I am so sorry. We wanted to tell you, but..."

"But what?! Why didn't you? What was the plan? We had planned to move here, all together! Right here, were the woman lives that gave birth to me. And the whole Island fucking knows! Did you want to tell me before we would move here or after some local would have told me?! Because that is what just happened, dad!"

"Ava, I am so sorry. We wanted to tell you, but your mum was scared. She was scared, that you would push her away. We wanted to tell you, before moving to the Outer Banks, we wanted to give you the choice to meet your biological mother, but... I know I should have told you earlier, before coming here, but, I didn't know how, Ava. I never imagined, that I had to tell you on my own, without your mother. I was overstrained and scared. I know that's not an excuse, I know that you must feel angry and confused, I..."

"The choice of wanting to meet my biological mother or not? You took that choice from me in taking me here. Everyone who knows you and her, know the truth. How on earth did you think I had a choice of not meeting her when I live on this fucking Island? I do not want to meet this woman and I don't want to know anything about her. I would have never pushed away Mum for a woman that didn't want me and it fucking hurts, that the two of you even thought about that. You were scared of being hurt, so you chose to hurt me instead? To lie to me, just because you were scared?" At this point, Ava was crying. Her voice was shaking, but her words still came out strong.

"My love, don't be angry at your mother for being scared. She loved you more than anything else.", her grandma quietly said and Ava turned around to face her.

"No, I have the right to be angry! You both lied to me! Even you and grandpa! It's not my fucking fault, that I get to know about this now, when my mother is already dead! You know, I would have loved to have this discussion with her, to shout at her, be angry at her and hug her after we made up. But you chose to wait until it's too late. And now I have to live with the fact, that I can never have this discussion with her. How could you not tell me, before she died?! What am I supposed to do now?!"

"Ava, I will answer every question that you have, we can...", her father started and slowly walked up to Ava to reach out for her. Ava shook her head and hid her face in her hands, as she stepped backwards.

"I don't want any answers, I want my mum back. I want to go home.", she cried and felt homesick for the very first time. Since her mother died, Ava had thought that she would feel closer to her on the Outer Banks. The place her mother had dreamt of her whole life. But now, everything felt different. It felt, like her mother had wanted to escape this place. She had raised Ava as a brave, friendly, curious, Icelandic girl, even though her roots hadn't set there. But that was her home. Her mother was her home. Iceland was her home. And now it was so far away. Everything suddenly felt so far away, like she watched herself and her life from a distance. Wanting to escape the surreal situation, Ava thought of the only place that felt close to home. And sometimes, home is nothing more but the two arms of a person.