A Rose In The Dark

Chapter 4

It's morning. I lie in bed, trying to remember how to be happy again. I come to school in my 'sad' outfit. I wear it whenever I feel really bad. Whenever dad has ruined me. I probably wear it to often. Like now. I'm in a grey oversized hoodie, baggy jeans, and Converse. All I want is to make it through the day without crying. I know it'll be hard.

"Positive thoughts, Sofía!", I remind myself.

I see Caitlin running up to me. I hate these days, because I can't talk to her properly. And she doesn't deserve it, but on these days, I just can't see the point of living anymore. The last time I had one of these days was last month, when Lucía won a prize, and dad would not shut up about it.

'Lucía won, Soph.' he would say. 'It's not that hard, so why can't you?'

'Sofía?' Caitlin is in front of me, looking concerned. 'Sofía, what's up? What's wrong? What's happening?' I open my mouth, but no words come out, no matter how hard I try. Instead, tears prick my eyes, and I shake my head. I can't even talk to my best friend. What's wrong with me?

'Oh, Sofía', says Caitlin, and she pulls me in for a hug. 'You know you can talk to me. I'll do my best to understand.'

But she could never understand. Caitlin has the best family, she could never get what it's like to always be told you'll never measure up. You'll always be a disappointment to me.

'I- I just want to have a normal day.' I say through my tears, and Caitlin nods, but concern floods her face.

'Let's get to class, then.' she says, and we make our way to first period maths- oh no.

Somehow, I make it through the day without crying. Most Pathetic Goal Ever Achieved! But I forgot I had netball practise. I should be worried- I can't be late. But netball is something that makes me happy. I can smile again. I can be happy! I make my way to the courts, a smile spreading across my face. Netball always makes me happy.

'Sofía, what's taking so long?' yells my coach, Isana. She's 24, and terrifying. You never do anything wrong around her, unless you want to be kicked off the team. The A team, may I mention.

'Coming, Isana! I'm just getting changed!'

'Well, hurry up, Sofía. You better not be late.'

I rush off to get changed into my netball dress. If this wasn't netball, I would be extremely self conscious, because netball dresses are pretty short. I love netball. I love my team. Practise and games are the only times I forget about my home life, except for Caitlin's house. I slip on my netball shoes, and run out there.

'Alright, girls!' Isana says. 'Warm up time! Ellie, you can lead today.' We all line up, and Ellie leads us through our warm up.

Once we've finished out warmup, we get into our regular training. Being tall, I'm a GD, so I practise against our shooters. My mind is clearing, and happiness is coming back to me.

When there's 15 minutes left to go, we play a game of half court. My mind is now only focused on netball, and I forget all about Lucía, and dad, and I just play netball. I love this sport- if it didn't exist, I don't know what the point of living would even be. If I would even still be on this Earth.

It's all over too soon. I have to go home. Home has been a war zone since mama left to help mi abuela look after abuelo, because he is sick. We don't know when she's coming back- and she doesn't own a phone, so she can't call us.

I catch the bus back home- it's later than usual, 6:30pm, because we have a tournament coming up, so we need all the training we can get. I get off at my station, and walk the last 5 minutes to my house, and stop dead when I see the car parked in my driveway. A blue Solana, which shouldn't be amazing, but. It's mi mama's car. Which means she's home. Which means I'm saved.

Mama's home.