Longing Stares (On-going)

22.

Battalion

"Ah, son, finally I'm going to see you wait for your wife here," my father whispered in my ears as we watched the long line of our wedding procession. "Soon enough, I would see you soon sitting in the mayor's seat at the office."

I only nodded and didn't say anything more. Pinanood ko na lang mula sa malayo ang pagdikit ni Fiona kay Purificacion na akala mo ay silang dalawa ang matagal nang magkakilala. I don't like her gushing around Purificacion, I'm pretty sure she's saying some unimaginable things about me to her. I shook my head, bakit kasi siya ang maglalakad sa kaniya sa altar ngayon?

Then my gaze wandered towards Cielo and Gonzalo. I haven't confronted them about what transpired just weeks ago.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin sa akin sinasabi ni Cielo ang ginawa nilang dalawa ni Gonzalo, kahit nga kaninang gusto naming magkalinawan sa mg bagay. I don't understand why he is so persistent in hiding the intimate relationship he's had with Gonzalo when I have been open with him about things.

Except... for that thing, of course. It might cost his life and I can't let him know that.

"Ah, look at that," I heard my father grumbled. "Sa simbahan pa talaga naisip na magkalat."

Sinundan ko ang tingin ni Dad at na-realize na nakatingin din siya sa gawi nina Gonzalo at Cielo. He had a disgusted expression on his face as he watch the closeness of the two.

Hindi na bago para sa akin ang ganitong reaksyon ni Dad when it comes with same sex relationships. He and my grandpa had always shown their dislike towards the people like me.

I was in highschool when I finally learned that what I feel for both women and men are the same and of the same level of attractiveness. Kaya hindi nagtagal ay nagbago ang paningin ko sa mga same sex relationship couples at hindi na kagaya ng dating pag-iisip sa kanilang mga "makasalanan".

But even after I realized my bisexuality at such age, hindi ako nagkaroon ng oras para ma-explore kung gaano kalalim pa ang atraksyon ko sa mga babae dahil si Cielo agad ang naging unang experience ko sa lahat.

I've never been with a woman. Hell, I haven't even been with a man other than him!

Cielo was my first in everything. Kaya nga hindi madaling mawala siya sa aking sistema na kahit anong pagpapalayo ang gawin niya ay ako pa rin ang palay na lumalapit na sa manok.

"You know it's a good thing that he broke up with you and took my advice, did he, son? Kasi kung hindi baka kayong dalawa ang gagawa ng ganyan at nakakahiya 'yon sa mga tao."

Natigilan ako sa narinig. What the fuck? What the actual fuck! Is dad aware of my relationship with Cielo?

I faked a laugh. "What are you talking about?" I said nervously. "Magkaibigan lang kami ni Cielo."

"Oh, sonn! Hindi mo na kailangang itago, matagal ko ng alam! Mabuti nga at natigil na ang kalokohan dahil baka pag nagtagal ay maapektuhan na ang buo mong buhay at mga plano natin."

"You... knew?" Hindi ko makapaniwalang saad. "How?"

He shook his head firmly. "You don't have to know where I learned about your disgusting connection with that man, ang importante ay wala na ang relasyon na meron kayo. Masamang impluwensya lang ang binibigay lang sa 'yo ng lalaking 'yan."

"Dad?"

"Hindi ka bakla, Batallion! Hindi kita pinalaking ganyan," may kataaan na ang tono ng boses niya no'n at mulinh hininaan.

I gritted my teeth. "No, of course I'm not gay, Dad. Because I'm fucking Bisexual!" May diin kong sabi ngunit hindi ko pa rin pinigilang paliitin ang boses ko para hindi marinig ng mga taong nasa paligid namin.