Good Days •Rafe Cameron•

Guilty

       It was like I was seeing everything through a blue filter. The perfect set up for the room was decorated with books and white furniture.
The soft ticking from the round clock above the door called my nerves as I slouch in my seat with my feet tucked in the cushions.
The over sized t-shirt I borrowed from JJ swallowed me as I rested my head in my hands as I balance my elbow on the armrest.
Dr. Turner, a dark skinned woman with long curly hair and dark brown eyes sat across from me with a clipboard in her hand and a pen in the other.
Today was my first therapy session. We had tens minutes left.
"Phoebe." She spoke, quietly. Her attempt to get me to talk was almost the impossible. I probably only said 12 words this session.
I understand Mike and Anna wants what's best for me. And I did agree that I would try.
"What are you feeling?" Dr. Turner asked. I shrug my shoulders sucking my teeth. "I don't know." I sigh. "Yes, you do." She replies.
I run my fingers through my locs before sitting up. And before I know it; I start to speak. Letting the words out one by one.
"I feel...mad. I feel mad because I had no idea that some drunk guy could fuck up my life so hard. In one second. Fuck up so many lives. My aunt, my uncle, Kiara." I say, listing out the names.
"Then I think, I should be grateful to be alive. I feel like, maybe I don't know, there's some weird fucked up reason why I made it and my parents didn't. But then when you sit back and you think about it. You realize. No. There isn't. There's no fucking reason. They shouldn't have died." I cried.
     "I think that was a great start." Dr. Turner says, smiling sadly at me. "I hope to see you in the future. Maybe we can talk about your life in the Outer Banks next session. Friends, family, relationships?" She implies.
    I nod, wiping tears from my cheek. "Um...yeah." I say. "Maybe." I hop out of the chair fixing my now wrinkled t-shirt.
      "I'll see you later." I say walking out the room into the lobby. I approach the front desk signing my name out in the big binder book sitting on the counter top.
     I quickly skip out the lobby out into the the hot summer sun. My bike is leaning against the brick wall along with Rafe Cameron whose also leaning his back against the wall. His hair is messy. He's wearing a bright blue shirt that brings out the silver lining in his eyes.
   "What are you doing here." I pout my lips, joining him against the wall. My long locs fall down my back as I look up at him.
    "Have you been crying?" He asked. He reaches for my cheek but I pull away. "What do you want?" I demand.
     "You've been with the Pogues have you?" He says. I shrug my shoulders. "What's it to you?" I sassed. He rolls his eyes. "Be, what is wrong with you. The Pogues are bad news. Okay, Barry knows that you guys stole 25k from his trailer. And he's coming after y'all." He leans down to my eye level.
     "Oh yeah, really? Tell that mother fucker that he can try all he wants, but we will curb stomp his ass again if he tries some shit." I spat.
     "Hhm." Rafe sighs. "What?" I say, raising my right brow. "For someone who's going to therapy for family problems you sure don't mind putting Kiara in danger." He smirks.
    "Don't bring Kiara into this conversation." I glare at the tall boy. "This is so like you." I scoff. "Pope and JJ warned me about you and I didn't listen. You always do this." I say.
     Rafe smiles, finding my rant amusing. "Do what?" He smiles. "Don't play dumb, you know what I mean." I said, before stepping past him reaching for my bike.
     Rafe quickly grabs my waist turning me around. My chest is against his as I stare up at his face. "You know all you dirty Pogues ever do is take, take, take." Rafe says. I smirk up at him. "You know I think you might actually be right." I smile. "John B took your spot in the Cameron house now that you're kicked out. And he also took your daddy's heart. He's out fishing with him today. Did you know that? Trust me, in two day, Wheezie and Sarah are going to have a new big brother." I sassed.
Rafe grew angry. He bit down on his lip as his jaw clenched. "You're a real piece of shit." He spoke. "Maybe, but at least I'm not irreplaceable." I smirk.
The tension was thick. The hairs on my arms stood up as my body stayed against his. He radiated heat from his chest. And his breathing was heavy. His hair fell into his eyes as he studied my features. I watched his eyes stare at my lips.
"You give on my nerves Carrera." Rafe says. I roll my eyes. "It's Carrera-Devereux." I correct. "See!" Rafe exclaims. "Right there! You always try to get the last word. You're so stubborn and frustrating. And most days I find you to be insufferable and sassy. But others days. The Good Days. I just was kiss you all over. Especially when you're upset and your brows furrow and you get those little lines on your forehead. Then you pout your lips while glaring at me with those big brown eyes. And you don't really blink. It's more like a flutter, mostly. If that makes sense." He smiles.
     His large hands rub up my back under my shirt grazing my bra. He leans in, brushing his lips against mine. The slight smell of cologne and weed fills my nostrils as I devour the kiss. Enjoying every moment and breath that leaves his mouth.
     My hands roam the nape of his neck. My fingers run through his honey brown hair. I feel his left hand get tangled into my hair as he pushes me against the hot brick.
    The concrete digs in my back as I push myself into his chest more. I can practically feel his heart beating against mine. The two of us begin to fight for dominance with our tongues. He eventually wins, picking me up off the ground.
    "Wait, wait." I say, pulling away. "We're getting carried away. I don't want to be in jail for public indecency." I giggled.
     Rafe smirks. "Okay, we'll stop." He breathes. "I've got to get home." I say, hoping onto my bike.
    "Be!" Rafe calls out before I can peddle away. "Yeah?" I questioned. "Promise me that you won't go near Barry?" He pleads.
      I nod. "I promise." I say, before peddling off. As I rode my bike further away from the oldest Cameron child I wondered if I really meant what I said. Did I actually make a promise. Or was I just to high on kisses to care.
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       I rode my bike to the Château meeting up with the Pogues. Kiara was dangling in a giant tin container while Pope held the rope maneuvering the pulley. JJ watched as his feet splashed around in a hot tub.
      "When did you guys get a hot tub?" I asked the teens resting my bike on the ground. "It's a lot to explain." JJ shrugs. "I'll tell you all about it later." JJ explains. "Okay." I nod, before joining Pope.
     "How was therapy?" Pope asked. "I cried. So I guess it's working." I joked. "Are you at least taking it seriously?" He implies. "Yes, Dr. Heyward." I smile.
    "Yo, Be!" Kiara exclaims. I look up at my cousin as Pope lowers her down. "What's up?" I asked. "We might send you down the well to get the gold." Kiara says.
    My eyes widen. "What? Why me?" I say. "Because you the smallest!" JJ shouts from the tub. "You're 4'11, Be. It's almost abnormal." JJ explains.
    "Do I have to?" I whined. "Yes!" Kiara says. "You're a Pogue now. It's all about getting your hands dirty." She smiles.
     "Okay, fine. But if this pulley breaks, I'm killing all of you in your sleep." I say. "Wouldn't dream of it." Pope says.
     "Hey, John B." JJ says, hoping out of the tub. John B rushes past him walking into the Château. "Okay, what was that all about?" I asked, looking between the Pogues. "I was going to ask you the same question." JJ says.
     The four of us follow each other inside. John B continues to ignore us as we call out his name. He begins to rummage through all the junk in his house. 
    "Do you need help finding something?" Kiara asked as she watched her friend dig through the cushions to couch. "You alright, man? What's up?" Pope asked.
     "Yeah, we don't mind helping you?" I smile. He continues to look under the couch before pulling out a gun. JJ's gun.
    JJ steps up to John B. "Yo! What do you need the gun for?" He asked. He reaches for the weapon trying to take it from his hand.
    John B roughly pushes JJ onto the couch. "Hey!" I shout trying to deescalate the problem. "John B, chill!" Kiara yells.
    Pope quickly steps in front of him trying to block his way to the door. "Get out of my way!" John B shout. He shoves Pope into the table.
    "Shit!" Kiara says. "Are you okay?" She asked. Pope nods. "Yeah, I'm good." He says. I step in front of the door blocking John B from leaving the Château.
    "You need to chill. Put the gun down now and relax!" I say. I push my hands against his chest trying to stop him from leaving.
     "You've got three seconds to get your hands off of me, Phoebe." John B demands. I scrunch my face up. "What? No!" I shout. "What's wrong? We're trying to help you-." John B suddenly grabs my body slamming me down on the floor.
      "Phoebe!" Kiara rushes to my side. "Are you hurt?" She asked helping me off the ground. "No, just sore."
    The four of rush after John B. He hops on JJ's motorbike revving the engine. "John B, what the hell?" Kiara shouts.
    "Ward know about the gold! He killed my dad!" He says before driving away.
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       Pope, Kie, JJ, and I waited on the HMS. Pogue by the Cameron dock. The house was lit up in the dark.
    "What now?" JJ asked. "We just go up to the front door and ask: Hey, have you seen John B?" JJ says. "Look, he lives at Tannyhill now. It's plausible. We can play dumb." Kiara explains.
    "Play dumb?" JJ questioned. "It's pretty late." Pope says. "Look, I've never seen John B like that. We should honestly be going to the cops." Kiara explains.
     "Yeah, and say what, Kie. We're worried about our friend  because he's on a rampage because Ward killed Big John? Like, they're not gonna believe us!" JJ yells at her.
     "Hey, I see Ward." Pope exclaims looking through a pair of binoculars he dug out from his bag. "Let me see." Kiara takes the binoculars peeking through the lenses.
     "Doesn't look dead to me. Let's go home." Pope says, starting the engine to the boat. "What?" Kiara snaps. "Why, would we go home?" I furrow my brows.
    "Look, obviously Mr. Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn't now, okay?" Pope explains. "Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours." Pope said.
     "Yeah, well, our friend is in trouble." Kiara shouts "I'm in trouble. Guys, I haven't been home in three days. My dad's probably put all my shit on the streets by now." He says.
     "Okay, so that's it!" Kiara asked. "Look, Kie. Pope is right. We don't want to get in the way of his future." I smile sadly at the Pogues.
     "Thank you, Be." Pope says. "Guys, can we not do this right now?" JJ asked. He runs his fingers through his hair.
     "Hey, I have a scholarship interview in the morning." Pope warns. "What about John B?" Kiara cuts him off.
     "Why is it always about John B?" Pope yells. "Guys, calm down. Someone's going to hear us." I say.
     "It's not always about John B. You're so stupid. It would be any of you in the situation." Kiara explains. She continues to yell at Pope. "Oh, bullshit!" Pope snaps.
     "This is about friendship!" Kiara cries. "Yo! Bring it down!" JJ warns. Kiara ignores him as she continues with her rant. "This is about Pogues for life." She says.
     "What about forensic pathology, huh? It's my life. Everything I've worked for." Pope explains. "Oh, really? That's your priority?" She asked.
     Pope steps up to Kiara, shouting in her face. "Stop the moral high ground bullshit!" He screams.
     "Pope!" JJ calls out trying to stop his friend. "No!" Pope says. "She has no room to talk. Where were you when Big John went missing? You weren't there. You weren't there for John B. You weren't there for any of us." Pope quietly says.
     "Pope, stop it!" I snap. "Don't patronize her. She was going through a lot." I try to explain. I remember Kiara and I would call each other everyday while she was at the Kook Academy. It's was the worst mental state I've ever seen her in.
     "No, Be!" Pope says. "She's just feeling guilty about her precious Kook Year!" He says.
       "Give me a break!" Kiara snaps, pushing Pope out of her way. The two Pogue begin to hit each other.
     "Hey!" JJ yells. "Get off each other!" I say, pulling Pope away from my cousin. JJ stands in between the two. "Stop it! Cut it out alright! If I'm the one meditating we've hit rock bottom." He says.
     "Bow, now." JJ says pointing to the other side of the boat. Pope sits far away from Kie.
    I join my cousin at the butt of the boat. "He didn't mean it, Kie." I whispered. She wipes her tears from her face. "Yeah, whatever." She breath.
     JJ turns the boat away from the dock, driving off into the dark marsh.