Heartbreak.
Nobody ever prepares you for it.
Because it's not something you can prepare for.
Heartbreak comes in different ways. Some people move on and get over it quickly, others will mourn over their lost relationship for some times, and a few...
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🎶: 'enough for you' by Olivia Rodrigo
"Welcome Taehyun, I'm your future psychologist Jung Hoseok. Your parents wanted you to start therapy because they said you're suffering severe trauma from someone."
The brown haired boy nodded.
"Yeah... pretty much."
The psychologist smiled at him softly.
"Loosen up kid; you don't need to feel threatened here, okay?"
"Okay..."
"So, about this someone; care to tell me more? I'll need to know in order to help you."
Taehyun exhaled, clamping his hands together.
"Yes... this someone... is my ex boyfriend, Beomgyu."
"I wore makeup when we dated. Beomgyu never liked my masculine side and demanded me to become a femboy so he could have his daily dose of eye pleasure. I did what he asked me too, not because I was comfortable with changing my entire identity, but because I was worried Beomgyu would leave me. After all, I was currently dating the biggest playboy of the school. Many of his past lovers were dressy as well and wore many fancy things, so I decided I needed to be the same, in order for Beomgyu to like me. But no matter how much I tried to be appealing to him, he didn't see that, and just said I'm not the compliment type. Me, one of the most beloved students in the school."
"I didn't understand it. After all, I did so much for him. I knew how Beomgyu wanted his coffee every morning and brought it to him fresh. I even knew all of his favorite songs by heart, wanting to understand him better by taking a look at his taste in music. I even read all of the self-help books he had stowed in his closet, so he would think that I was smarter than I already was."
"Did you ever stop to think that this was unhealthy?" Mr Jung questioned.
Taehyun sighed.
"Sadly... I didn't realize it on time, or maybe I had been to blind and stupid to see it. It only hit me when Beomgyu took me out a few months ago, saying we should break up."
"It seems like he found someone more interesting than me. Not even a second after he broke up with me, he was already gone, together with his new girl. He didn't even offer to drive me home. He just left me there crying in the playground, wondering what did I do to cause our relationship to fail. The more I thought about it, the more I blamed myself. Beomgyu always complained that he was never pleased with anything I was doing, and I believed it was my fault. I believed that I was the cause of our downfall because I didn't try hard enough to be enough for him. It was all I ever wanted, and I only failed miserably."
A small tear rolled down Taehyun's cheek, and he sniffed when he felt it drip down. Mr Jung took a tissue from the tissue box and handed it over to Taehyun accepted it with a tiny bow and blew his nose.
"How did you feel when he broke up with you?" the psychologist questioned.
Taehyun peeked up from his tissue.
"Excuse me?"
"What were your emotions when you broke up with him? What were you feeling? What were your inner thoughts?"
"I just told you—"
"Then let me rephrase. How do you feel now?"
Taehyun bit his lip before he continued speaking.
"I would say... Beomgyu broke my heart, but he shattered so much more than just that. He ruined my mental health. These days it's hard for me to get out of my bed because I feel so weak and horrible on the inside. Sometimes I even refuse to eat even my favorite food because his words haunt me. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore because I hate every aspect of myself. I just... I just want myself back."
Before you found someone more exciting The next second, you were gone And you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong
And you always say I'm never satisfied But I don't think that's true 'Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough
"Taehyun, I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?" Mr Jung instructed.
The psychological patient nodded.
"A boy who acts like a jerk should not determine the way you look at yourself. You have no wrong here. You did everything you could to make him feel satisfied. That he never appreciated it is his fault."
"But... I didn't try hard enough."
Mr Jung sighed.
"Taehyun... it's hard to believe it when you've been manipulated. But lemme just tell you this: If you weren't telling me that you were the one who was mistreated by your boyfriend, that means you're the boyfriend who mistreated someone."
"Hmmm..."
Taehyun sank back in his seat, hugging his knees.
"I dunno what to do... it's been hard enough the past few months getting over this."
"Well... how about you think like this?"
The boy raised a brow.
"How?"
"Someday Taehyun, you'll be everything to somebody else. And they'll think that you're inquisitive, no matter how you look or what your hobbies are."
"You... you think so?"
Hoseok nodded.
"Indeed. There will always be someone who will accept you for who you are Taehyun. And once you find that person, then Beomgyu will be the one who's crying because he lost a precious gem like you."
The thought of that made Taehyun giggle. And hearing him laugh caused Hoseok to smile at the brunet.
"Tell me, who at the top of your mind will like you just the way you are?"
"Well... recently, I've been talking to this one guy who's a grade above me. His name is Soobin, and we both are pretty similar. He's also a really kind and gentle person; I instantly felt comfortable with him when we were paired up for a science project between freshmen and sophomore students."
"Then maybe you should take a shot with him. Put Beomgyu in a box and toss that box in the back of your closet, or in the basement. He's old news, and he shouldn't be controlling your life anymore from today on, okay."
Taehyun nodded.
"I'll do my best."
"That's the spirit! Now, tell me even more about this Soobin guy, and then I'll form a plan on how to soothe your trauma, how does that sound?"
The young boy nodded.
"That sounds nice, thank you sir."
And from the way Taehyun smiled, he knew that it was gonna be okay.
Even if it takes a long time... he'll be okay someday.
My therapist is right. I may have not been enough for Beomgyu, but I am hella enough for Soobin.
