KEPT

10. YOU WILL TREND!

KHANYISA

On Sunday morning I lazily turn on the bed and look at Nkosi's empty side of the bed. It's gotten cold so he must have been up for a while now.

I'm naked under the sheets and when I stretch my legs I feel the soreness, it serves as a reminder of yesterday.

After we caught our breath he ran me a bath and I soaked my body but then I remembered that I had left bloody sheets on the bed and I needed to clean that up so I rushed out the bathtub only to find that he had already taken care of that. We ended up going two more times before I fell right asleep and now here I am, wishing I could lay here for the rest of the day but I can't, plus I want to go to the shops for some things that I need in the kitchen so I get up and get dressed then I make the bed, brush my teeth, wash my face and head out.

I find him in the dining room with a cup of coffee and his laptop on

"Morning" I say and he looks up from the screen with a smile

"Morning, ulale kahle?" [did you sleep well?]

"I did, you?"

"Me too, I'm just responding to a few emails" he nods at his laptop

"Alright, I'll leave you to it" I say then walk away

I should be feeling happy that I've finally gotten over these fears or restrictions that I had set for myself with Nkosi, I mean I did give myself to him repeatedly last night and I should be having these wonderful flashbacks but instead my soul feels heavy, I'm sad.

I know why I'm sad.

It's because I know that between the two of us, I'm the one whose going to break the rules, I'm the one whose going to fall for him and I feel that that day is near. What will become of me then? Will I still be able to withstand all of this?

Nkosi has been very kind to me, there's really no question about that. He hasn't been this cold husband that one would expect from an arranged marriage. He's been taking care of me and treating me with respect... But I do see his resistance when it comes to opening up, He is closed off emotionally and I fear that that will start knocking hard on me, I just know it.

By the time I'm done making breakfast I decide that I need some time away from him so I tell him I'm heading to the shops. I was only going to go later but I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and I don't want him to see me like this because he will ask and I won't know how to explain myself to him

With my emotions all over the place I get in the shower and start silently crying. I hate it when this happens, I start overthinking and it ends with me crying and I can't even come up with a resonable or proper explanation as to why I'm crying. I hate this.

I remind myself that this is what I wanted, this is still what I want and he hasn't done anything wrong, I'm the one whose getting out of line and I need to get back in it very fast if this is going to work.

I finish with my shower and get dressed. I put on my high waist jeans and a pink long sleeve shirt with one side tucked in then I wear my pink heels to complete the look. I put on some make up and go with my gray bob weave, I grab my Dior sling bag, pack my essentials then I'm ready to go

Nkosi is on a phone call when I go to find him where I left him so I just wave and he waves back and mouths a "see you later"

I drive to the mall and take my sweet time cruising around the shops. I only came here for groceries but I find myself checking out the shoes and clothes and handbags, I can't help myself and knowing that I'm not limited to getting anything is what turns on this spoilt brat in me that comes alive whenever I'm surrounded by clothing shops