Torn: A B5 Story

Crimson

As the middle of the week presented itself, I began to despise my days off. They left me with so much time and space that I had no idea what to do with. My soul was conflicted between what was right and wrong. It always seemed easiest to go with the morally correct side until you were put in a position where it felt like you were being pulled into the fire against your will. It was almost as if I were destined to be burned by the flames shot from my lapse of good judgement.

I looked at my ankle high socks and examined them not really looking for anything in particular. I yearned for comfort and clarity within this situation.

There was a knock at my door and Katie's head peeped through the door.

"You okay grumpy?" She asked with one hand on her belly.

I stuck my tongue out.

"Yes mam. What's up?" I asked.

She walked in slightly and gave me a look I knew all too well. She was about to ask me to do something I knew would involve Patrick.

"No." I said before I could give her a chance to say anything.

Her shoulders droop and her gave me her famous pout.

"You didn't even give me a chance to say anything. Damn. Just hear me out." She said.

I shook my head.

"I already know what you're going to say and who it may involve so the answer is a resounding no!" I said.

She walked over and flopped on my bed. She grabbed my face and pushed my cheeks together.

"Come on Jules! Kelly invited me to the annual Breeding family Christmas dinner and he wants you there too." She said smiling.

I tried my best to pry my face from her grip and when I finally got lose I turned my body to the wall.

It was quiet for a few moments and the silence allowed the thoughts of Patrick to come in at the open opportunity. Maybe it was just time to let this whole thing go and get on with my life. It was like trying to hold onto sand with an unclenched hand. The slightest occurrence of wind or movement and the sand would escape from between my fingertips. Every part of him that I clenched for a moment always seemed to escape through my fingers. He was always only there for a moment and then he was gone again. God only knew how much I appreciated those moments even though I always found a way to spoil them. We did not share much between one another except a few kisses. The conversations we had were what had me in a tight grasp. His humor and his gentleness were all parts of him I admired all of these parts I wish were more evident within my own personality. I just prayed that the little time I had to know him was enough to open up those locked doors within myself.

I had almost forgotten Katie was there if she had not ran her fingertips down my back. My body jerked in surprise.

"Sorry." She whispered.

I turned around and smiled at her.

"Christmas Eve is tomorrow, when is the dinner?" I asked.

Her face lit up.

"In a few hours." She said giving me a sly smile.

I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh.

She jumped on me and hugged me before I said yes.

"The dress code is formal so jeans are a no! Going to go get ready now!" She said before rushing out of my room.

I got up out of my bed and peered in my closet looking for my outfit of choice. As I approached the back of my closet, I saw a red dress I never had the opportunity to wear. The bustier top accentuated my breasts without showing too much and flowed down into a flood of deep red material until it reached the floor. It was Christmas season and red was the perfect color.

It took us both almost three hours to get ready. I decided to let Katie do my makeup and anticipated the tough time I was going to have avoiding rubbing or touching my face. There was way too many restraints when it came to makeup and I liked the freedom to rub my eyes. 

Once we stepped out of the car and arrived at Dustin's house, the winter air sharp as it cut across my face and the exposed parts of my body. My heart was beating so fast and  I caught myself holding my breath so often. I peered at Katie and noticed how breathtakingly beautiful she was covered in a gold sequined fitted dress. Her dirty blonde hair pinned up in an elegant up-do. 

Dustin's house was beautiful like most Georgia homes. Two stories of concrete and shades of brown that blend in with leaves that fall off of the trees in fall. We passed a few luxury cars and SUV's in the driveway before arriving at a gorgeous front door composed of glass. Katie pressed the doorbell and the classic ding dong echoed throughout the door. I took one last gulp and a deep breath as a shadow through the door approached the glass barrier. 

"Julie! Katie! Come in!" Dustin's voice rang through the night air. 

As we stepped into the house we were greeted by calm music and the sound of small talk coming from the living area. 

"You guys look beautiful." I heard Dustin say between sips of what looked like red wine. 

I heard Katie eagerly thank him and I nodded as my heart pounded through my chest. I was growing weary of feeling so weak because of Patrick. Anticipating his presence and his gaze was like approaching the initial drop of the roller coaster. I was at the tip about to fall down. 

I turned the corner and there he was, dressed in a black tux with a velvet, crimson pocket square peaking out of his chest. His hair was slicked back, face nicely shaven, and those dark eyes paired well with his suit. 

I forgot how to breathe.