P.S. grammar errors and spelling (I will edit it if I have time🕯️)
Ever since I was a kid I would always wait for my family or friends to tell me if the moon is already out at 6pm since I usually prefer to watch television dramas but, I also go outside for the moon. I'm that lazy kid with favoritism.
I remembered, I tried to steal my parents' expensive digital camera just because I wanted to experiment what angles I should take with the moon's beautiful view. Although, I didn't take any pics cause I'm afraid it would ran out of storage since my mother needs it for school documentations. She loves taking pictures, just like my Dad.
Now that I have thought about it, I kind of understand why my aunts or cousins would laugh if they found me looking outside the window and having my own world or moment- PFFT- well...
Who wouldn't have a moment when the moon looks like that?
The moon is beautiful and silent my thoughts could reach it, right?
Even if the moon changes.
Even if it shows half of itself.
It is still the moon that gives off that beautiful surreal feeling.
At least if I had a hard time expressing myself back then (as a kid), I would rather talk to the moon since my cousin who I trusted my secrets the most is not always there since we live far away from each other.
We still send letters to each other tho but we only write how we miss each other and how we would plan our next reunion together- we would avoid saying sad things cause even tho our parents or families wouldn't open a child's letter we still leave some doubt✨- (signs of introvertness-jk)
Talking to the moon for me was my silent hobby. It's not a secret but it's also not known to them (my family).
I also remembered back in elementary I had a huge fight with my best friend or close friend rather...
It was my first ever heart break although I don't know if I should be glad that it wasn't because of a boy or feel remorse since she's one of my fave special people that I created plans with in the future. To have a journey with. But I failed her, she felt a lot of things I never knew she would feel because of me. I knew we were still kids but it was foreign to me that I was the reason of someone's sadness and anger.
I felt embarrassed and heart broken, and that's because I know I didn't intend to do that, and in the end there's nothing I could do to change what already happened.
The moon was the first one to hear my sniffles. I even tried so hard to keep those tears in front of my parents since they knew I was really close to my best friend. Then they would suddenly think why I am not talking about her in one of my daily life updates to them at dinner.
I don't want them to know that I caused someone's sorrow. Tapos sa iya pa gyud (Most especially since it's my best friend)
Inside my room my tears busted. I tried so hard to keep myself from making squeaky noise. So I wrote the sad things I felt that day in my notebook, maybe it will ease me somehow but it didn't. I was so scared because it usually works.
I ended up laying down my bed and that's when I saw the moon's view from my bedroom's window.
"Di ko kabalo unsa akong sala moon promise..." (Did I do something wrong, Moon? I promise I really don't know...)
I thought about the possibilities that were still confusing to me. I was controlling my tears because I'm scared my parents would notice. The moon witnessed that though...
The moon on the blue sky without a shine also witnessed how I bravely let go of my first ever loved best friend. It was afternoon but the moon was already there.
Talking didn't ease the pain since I really cared for my friend but that's how I started to realize that growing up sucked. Especially if you realized a lot of things such as, being mature is the only way for you to handle situations like that.
As young as I could be, I learned closure can be a solution for anyone to finally start a new chapter without any locked chains that will suffocate falling relationships (platonic or romantic).
I know if the moon could ever speak to me, I expected him to ask me, if I wanted a hug, and then I would literally go to outer space just for that.
Despite the pain and happiness I felt, I felt relieved when I saw the moon.
The Moon is like my messenger because I know, through the moon the Almighty is also listening. That is how I realize why I felt so connected and comforted with the sight of the moon.
Because all along it feels like the moon was created for us to know that there is at least something that will constantly remind us that you are never alone. I felt the presence of the Lord that keeps me healed with the moon.
Beauty and silence can also mean peace and that's the moon.
YOU ARE READING
I Know That I Don't
Random"My ranting/qoute book" 'I know that I don't' is a narrative of my realizations and questions that will yet to be answered by me. I explain my experiences which are kind of cringe but this is my way of coping in life. Writing is healing to me, to re...
