I Know That I Don't

Glad

I may have a lot of stuff written on my burn books and diaries that pains me but in the end it's only the minority of what's happening in my life.

I may not be able to tell my loved ones about those minorities because I don't want them to think I'm ungrateful when I am not.

I feel very blessed every day. I just don't know how to express myself since I'm used to not showing any emotions that much as the eldest of the family.

I grew up reserved and shy, I always wonder if there will be a change for me.

If someday I will be seen as a person who can relate to anyone you know like anyone does. Because growing up, people tend to tell me how privileged I am.

In fact, I am glad that they tell me that since it shows how my family's effort blossoms into a great reward not just for me but for everyone they love.

But I wasn't quite prepared for the things ahead of me...

I thought if you're privileged you won't get to encounter bad luck, just little mistakes.

If you're privileged you don't get to vent nor complain about your own problems.

They said, "You should be glad you're not experiencing other problems!" or "Don't feel too sad it's just a phase, other people have gone through much worst..."

And I thought, wow... I don't like being known as that privileged kid after all.

They say privileged kids don't need help, don't need support, and many more cause others would need it more than the privileged kids do.

I get the part where I am privileged somehow financially although I see my parents struggling as well.

But what I don't understand is why I don't deserve sympathy? Why don't I deserve support mentally?

I don't get it.

In the eyes of others I don't need it, in the eyes of my relatives I may not need it, for my parents they think I am already fine.

I was kind of lost from there.

I prayed to God that if I was privileged, maybe because I was closer to you since then. I am loved by many especially Him.

I continue praying asking for a little sign, it's not that I am being demanding but I hope someday people get to see me in a different light. I hope that some people will be seeing me as someone who needs support, and other things that I am almost deprived of. I will accept any hurdles and fate that would happen to my life. I will always be glad.

You know those basic phase of any person that would go through. I wish I could experience the same like anyone. To have someone be there for you and understand you in a certain struggle is a different feeling.

God answered my prayers later on when I entered High School.

I never knew my friends would have that "very special place" in my heart. Because of them I feel validated and that's the best gift that could balance my being.

I am glad that I can rely on others' when I thought I never needed it.

I will forever thank my friends and my special soulmate cousin for staying and understanding the roller-coaster ride of my life.

I'm glad
-.-- --- ..- / ... .- ...- . -.. / -- .