Love Shots

Unsent Email.

*1 Unsent Email*

From: Her <her@gmail.com>

To: Him <his@gmail.com>

Subject: Goodbye.

I'd probably regret in the future that I wrote you this letter. More or less, not being able to give it to you. Ewan ko ba, ang tanga ko lang eh noh? Hayaan mo na, last na to. So bakit nga ba kita ginawan ng letter? Why? Simple lang. Because I want to tell you the truth. No filters, no sugar coated words. The truth. Ung tutoo? I am so fucking inlove with you. Na hindi ko kayang tumigil. Na walang katapusan tong katangahan na to. Na hanggang ngayon, meron parin eh. At naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi sobrang corny ko na. Kaso kainis eh, sobra. Ba't ba ang hirap mong kalimutan ah? Kainis ka. Sarap mo ilublob sa toilet bowl eh. Toilet bowl na puno ng pagmamahal.

Sometimes, we tend to fall inlove with people who we do not expect to fall inlove with. Tulad ako sayo. Na inlove ako sayo. Biruin mo? Iba tayo ng mundong ginagalawan. Pero I guess things just really happen. Unexpectedly. Just like how I fell for you.

Today would be the last day that I'd probably see you. We're off to College and I know the world is not that small for our paths to meet once again. Matagal ko ng natanggap ang posibilidad na ngayong araw nalang kita huling makikita. And you know what? I realized something as I stared at you while you were all smiles, accepting your diploma on stage.

For four years, we had five days. When I wake up every morning, you were the first person I would always think of. When I enter the classroom, you were the first person I would always look for. When I'm bored in class, you were the first person I would always glance at. Every time I go to school, I feel so excited. Excited because it's another day with you again. You always made my day. Every single day of that five days, ten months and four years. But it's bound to end. After this day, I wouldn't be waiting for you anymore when I go to school. After this day, I wouldn't be staring at you in class anymore when I feel bored. Because after this day, it would be different. New world. New environment. New routine. New People.

But there's no you.

It's too fast. Everything's about to change. And I can't even watch, more or less look, on how I'm about to lose everything. I can't just watch fate take you away from me. I can't.

Natatakot ako.

Natatakot ako kasi alam ko na pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng araw na to, eto na ang huling beses na makikita kita. I know I was bound to lose you. And I also know, that the next time I'll see you, I wouldn't be still inlove with you by then.

Iyon ang kinakatakutan ko.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe may rason kung bakit all these years, nagpakatanga ako sayo. Maybe I needed a lesson. Na kapag nag mahal ka, mahal lang. Wag mahal na mahal. Para pag nasaktan ka, masakit lang. Hindi masakit na masakit. #HUGOT.

I'm not like those girls who had a simple crush on you. I am not like them. Kasi ako? Minahal kita. And kahit na sabihin ng mga ex mo na minahal ka rin nila, I can distinguish myself from them. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na walang kahit sinong babae ang magmahal sayo the way I loved you. Grabe migo, mahal na mahal talaga kita. As in, sagad sa buto eh. At kahit nabibwisit na ko sa ka kornihan ng letter na to, wala eh. I just really have to tell you that for the first and last time. Ung tipong wala akong pakielam kahit na magmukha akong tanga. Basta mahal kita. Un un. And don't ever think of yourself as that cute guy that people could easily forget. Kasi ako? Tangina kahit ano gawin ko. Wala eh, sayo parin bagsak ko. I'm still a fucking fool for you. And I can't even hate myself for that. Cause it's like a drug for me. Loving you is my drug.

Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng graduation ceremony, agad kitang hinanap. Nagsimula narin kasing mag kumpulan ung mga tao nun. May nagpapa picture, may mga magulang na kinocongratulate ung mga anak nila, may mga mag bebestfriends na nag gogoodbye na sa isa't isa. Nakipag siksikan ako sa mga tao para lang mahanap ka, and when I did, agad akong napangiti. You were laughing with your barkada. Kahit madaming tao at naipit na ko sa mga nagsisiksikan, nagawa ko paring huminto at titigan ka. One fucking last time. Kaya ganun nalang ang gulat ko nung bigla kang napatingin sa direction ko. You never did that. And so was walking towards me. I was in state of awe. Halos lumingon lingon ako para tignan kung ako ba ung pupuntahan mo, kung may tinitignan ka bang iba. But you weren't. You were directly looking at me and you were serious. I didn't know what to do kaya dahan dahan ako naglakad papalapit sayo. I was so damn scared as I took every step, I was going near you. I was about to touch you. Almost.

Almost. Kasi pagkalapit na lapit ko sayo, you continued walking. Lakad, lakad, hanggang sa malagpasan mo na ko. You continued walking when I already stopped to where we crossed and supposedly, meet. But you didn't. Gusto kong lumingon pero hindi ko kinaya. Masyado masakit para lumingon. Kaya naglakad nalang ako. Palayo ng palayo, hanggang wala na ko sa mga mata mo.

That was my last memory of you. How sad it is that I wasn't even able to say goodbye for the last time. Na naduwag nanaman ako. Na kahit isang araw lang, hindi ko manlang nagawang sabihin sayo how much you really mean to me. That you were the sun of my world. That no amount of 'I love you's would tell you of how much I really do.

Sad to say, I guess I really do have to move on. College na noh! Ayoko naman magpakatanga forever. Qoutang qouta na po ako sa four years, noh?

I'll miss you. I'll miss your smile. I'll miss your voice. I'll miss your laughter. I'll miss the way you dance. I'll miss your hair. I'll miss your smirk. I'll miss your teasing. I'll miss your humor. I'll miss the way you walk. I'll miss the way you say my name. I'll miss the way I search the room at morning just to see if you've arrived.

I'll miss you.

So much.

And it sucks, sayang eh. Because I would have given you the world, if only you had given me the chance.

Goodluck, you. Hope we'll see each other again in the future. I hope we'll meet again.

and this marked the last Love letter of the girl who was terribly in love with you.