ADORATION

Talk to Me

Trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm. Please skip past if that isn't something you'd like to read. 

Monday July 10th 

Your POV

"he really choose her lol" 

"do better Jordan" 

"if I looked like that I'd kill myself" 

Tears rolled down my face as I read the several hurtful comments under my new post. I honestly don't understand why people have to say such mean things to me just based off who I'm dating. Ever since Jordan and I went public about our relationship 5 months ago the comments have been getting worse. I wanted to turn my comments off, but it made me feel as if I'm giving them the power of knowing what they say bothers me. 

I walked into the bathroom and examined myself in the mirror; the girl looking back at me was broken and presented no life. I just bawled my eyes out. What did I do to deserve so much hate. 

I turned to close and locked the bathroom door. Jordan would still be at practice for a while so this gave me some time to partake in this act I've been doing for almost 2 months now. I sat on the closed toilet seat and stared at the blade that has become my new found "friend" to my forearm.

"this is for being ugly" slit 1 

"this is for being worthless" slit 2 

"this is for why am I still here" 

Just as soon as the blade came in contact with my wrist to make the third slit a voice rang through Jordan and I shared apartment 

"Babygirl I'm home" 

So startled by the fact he was home early I accidentally cut too deep. I let screech loud enough for him to hear. 

Jordan's POV 

I came home to the apartment pretty silent. Typically YN would be in the living room in one of my hoodies and some shorts watching tv, but I did leave practice early because I've been so busy preparing for the upcoming season I haven't spent much time with her. I made sure to leave early enough for her and I to get dressed and go out to eat. I decide to shout out and make my presence known incase she maybe sleep. 

"Babygirl I'm home!" I semi-shouted.

"aughhhh" rang out. 

I heard it come from our bathroom as I walked in our room. I immediately made a beeline for the door; I twist the knob only for the door to not budge. It was locked. 

"Baby open the door!" I yelled. 

I heard sobs coming from YN and her call out "It hurts Jordan." That is when panic began to set within my body. I began throwing my against to door to break it open; I could care less about breaking it off the hinges, my baby needed me and I was going to get to her one way or another. 

Once I got the door to fly open; my eyes bulged at the scene before me. YN sitting on the floor in a miniature pool of her blood oozing from her wrist. 

I went into action snatching my shirt off and grabbing her wrist to stop the bleeding. I wanted to ask her how'd this happen, but when I looked into her face it looked as if she'd black out any moment. With swiftness I picked her up and ran as fast as I could to our car. 

Floating through traffic and red lights I could care less I had to get her to the hospital fast. I was talking to her to keep her awake. I can't lose her she's been the best thing in my life and I wouldn't know what to do without her 

HOSPITAL (No Specific POV)

"HELP, I NEED HELP" Jordan yelled out as he carried YN through the ER doors. 

"what's the emergency sir" a nurse asked as another rolled up a wheelchair. 

"My name is Jordan Poole, this is my girlfriend YN. She's bleeding out the forearm bad; idk how or what happened I came home and found her like this." Jordan said with tears welling up in his eyes. 

"Okay. We're going to roll her to back, check her vitals, and make sure everything is good. In the meantime sir I'm going to have to ask you to have a seat in the waiting room please." Said the nurse. 

Jordan had no idea what events could have led to him coming home and finding his girlfriend bleeding out the arm onto their bathroom floor. The tears finally rolled down as his adrenaline and emotions were very high. 

Moments later 

"Mr. Poole?" a voice called out. 

I looked to see the nurse from earlier call out to me. 

"Yes, is she okay?" I asked. 

"Yes she will be fine, although I do believe you might want to step into her room to talk about what led to you guys ER visit today. She's in room 12 right down this hall." she pointed in the hall direction and walked away with a tight-lipped smile.

"Baby are you okay, what happened?" Jordan asked as he walked into the room. 

"I'm sorry I hurt myself. The comments were becoming too much and I usually don't cut as deep.." Yn began to ramble with tears rolling down her face, but she was then cut off by Jordan.

"Wait what do you mean by cut YN?" he asked. 

She took a deep breath, it was time for her to come clean about what she had been doing for the past 2 months unknowingly to him. 

"Ummm for the past 2 months I've been self inflicting cuts on my forearm. I began doing it after I read the negative comments under our first post as a couple. I've also been dealing with suicidal thoughts and if we're being completely after I cut myself too deep I was hoping I would die so I wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore. I didn't tell you any of this because you were busy with preseason games and getting ready for postseason and I didn't want to distract you. I'm not happy being here Jordan, honestly your the only thing that's kept me alive this far, but even then I feel like after while you'll listen to the comments and go out finding someone better than me. Sometimes I just feel I don't belong and it'd be better if I were dead." YN expressed to Jordan. 

Jordan couldn't believe what he'd just heard come out his girlfriend's mouth. The past couple of months he thought everything was good. He absolutely loved the hell out of YN and nothing or no one could change that. So to hear her say she wish she was dead tore his heart to pieces. It all began to make sense why she suddenly went from wearing slightly revealing tops to long sleeved tops and dressed. He hadn't paid much attention to these subtle signs, but now he wished he had. Maybe he could've been there for her sooner rather than almost losing the love of his life. He kicked off his shoes and slid himself into the bed with her. 

"Hey look at me! I promise from this day forward to pour out my love for you. I am madly in love with and I could not imagine my life without you in it YN. I'm so very sorry I didn't pick up on the signs sooner, but if I have to spend every moment of my waking days proving to you why you belong here I will. In the future baby remember you can talk to me about anything or how you're feeling. I swear I'll never invalidate them. You're my girl and my world. I Love you and I need you here with me babe. So baby please from now on promise me you'll come and talk to me." Jordan said wiping her tears and placing a soft kiss on her lips. 

"Okay I promise I'll talk to you from now on Jordan." YN said.

"I Love you babygirl." 

"I Love you too baby."