ADORATION

Attention

'Cause if I let my feelings out, it's my luck then
I'll bug you
I'm tryna keep you around
From walkin' out on me' 

12:24 am... still no Jordan. I was used to this, yet another Saturday I spend alone in our apartment in silence. I don't know what I did to deserve this honestly. I was a great girlfriend if I said so myself; I support him in every endeavor he embarks on whether it be basketball or endorsement wise. What do I get in return? Sitting alone in a dark silent apartment and if I bring it up how these actions make me feel it'll be just my luck he'll get annoyed which will result in arguments. So simply I just don't say anything, but I'm tired now. A woman can only take but so much before she taps out mentally. 

Gathering the wine bottle and the glass I had drunk out of I begin to clean up the area I was occupying while deep in thought. Could you imagine being a 23 year old woman sulking over a man who's not sulking over you. Crazy I know which is why I'm now making my way to the bedroom to pack my shit and move on with my life. I'm too young to be drowning in relationship issues, he wants to act single let me give him what he wants. 

As I was throwing my clothes into a suitcase roughly with tears dropping ever so often, I heard the front door close indicating Jordan was home. I glanced over to the clock on one of the night stands seeing the time '1:05 am' I let out a slight scuff. Yeah no way was I staying to continue dealing with bullshit I didn't have to. I continued to pack my stuff as I heard him make his way into what was now I once shared bedroom. 

"Yooo where you going?" I heard Jordan ask while taking off his jewelry. 

I just continued to pack; he ignored my calls and text all night, so I'm just returning the gesture. 

"So you deaf now Y/N?" He asked yet another question. Still ignoring him and packing my clothes. Truth be told this was spur of the moment and I didn't know where I would go, but I knew I had to get far away from him for sure. 

"Yooo Y/N I know you hear me talking to you." He said snatching the clothes out my hand and the suitcase off the bed. 

"I'm not in the mood truthfully Jordan, so I advice you give me back that suitcase and my clothes." I said reaching out for my stuff, but instead he just threw his arm back shaking his head 'no.' 

"Where are you going? Its literally 1 am Y/N and you're packing a bag to go where?" He asked. 

"Away from you. I'm going away from you Jordan. As you pointed out its 1 am and you're just getting home. Not once did you text me or return my calls about your well-being. You could've been dead for all I knew." I said angrily. 

"Y/N come on, I was out with the boys and we just lost track of time and I barely was on my phone. How does this amount to you packing up a suitcase?" He asked. 

"Yeah 'The boys' they get more of your time than I do. You don't gave a shit about me or how I feel." I said continuing to pack. 

"Y/N where's this coming from? Why are you blowing up on me all of a sudden." Jordan asked. 

"Jordan just leave me alone and let me go please! I'm not trying to do this with you tonight." I said grabbing the suitcase and making my way out of the room. 

On my way out Jordan grabbed my hand causing me to drop my things 

"Y/N wait please don't walk out like this. Talk to me. I know You're upset, but how can we move past this if you're not saying how you feel." He said to me. 

"I-I... I c-can't do this anymore Jordan. I've been feeling this for a while now. You don't care about my feelings and it feels like if we're fighting at least you're paying attention to me." I said now crying. 

"Y/N I love you; you should know that. Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling instead of just bottling all this up resulting in you feeling like you have to leave me." Jordan said. 

"Because Jordan if you weren't being to selfish you would've picked up on the fact that we haven't been where we used to be. If you know about me that's what lovin' means, there's no reason I should have to pick a fight to take up your time." I said taking a seat on the edge of the bed trying to regain my composure through the tears. 

"Y/N I'm sorry baby, you gotta understand I just got caught up, I never meant to make you feel neglected I swear. I promise I don't love you no less. You made it seem as if things were okay. I never knew you were feeling this way." Jordan said now getting on his knees in front of me. 

"That's the thing Jordan, I was only going with the flow and talkin' back because that was all I have to make sure I'm in the front of your mind, but obviously that wasn't enough for you." I said  through a hiccup of tears. 

"Well Y/N we can make it through this. I'll do better baby, I promise I'll do better as a boyfriend I promise. I promise to give you more of the attention that you deserve." Jordan said sincerely. 

"I'm sorry Jordan, but I can't. Emotionally I'm tired, I sat and did my thinking. I deserve more than just words and lately I haven't been happy with the way things have been." I said standing up ready to leave this chapter of my life.

"Y/N please just think about this before you make a final decision." Jordan pleaded with tears in his eyes. 

"I have Jordan and for me there just ain't no other way of Savin' us. This is for the best. Take care of yourself. And remember for the next girl attention is what's going to matter to her most." I said planting one last kiss on his lips and leaving out the door. 

Getting into my car I broke down in tears; walking away from Jordan was so hard, but I needed to do what's best for me. In my heart and mind leaving was the right thing to do, so I did it. 

Because it hurts me more to hear this and have to say goodbye, but if I stayed with Jordan solely based off his verbal declaration to change things and he didn't keep his words then, I would have paid the price for my own pain. 

So here's to a new journey of paying more attention to myself and my feelings.

_____________________________________

A/N: Can't lie this imagine was personal to me!! Its based off one of my favorite songs that just speaks to me on a different level I swear. I just had to get it off my chest! Ladies you deserve to be prioritized in a relationship. Never let a man show you he doesn't love you more than once. I had to learn the hard way. You deserve to be show love and proper attention 1000 percent of the time!! Love y'all ladies, guard your hearts cause these boys/girls don't play fair.