Let me beg for forgiveness (Vegaspete)

1.The Beginning

Hi
So it's been a long time since I've written something and when I write I don't share but I felt Like it and here we are.
Tw/ somewhere in this chapter he talks about ra/pe so be careful if this subject is triggering for you.
English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes
Hope you enjoy
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Vegas PoV:
Being a high-schooler sucks. When you're in high school, everything gets more irritating. I didn't like people, to begin with. They were noisy. Most people live a normal life in high school, but not when you're from one famous family in Thailand, Theerapanyakuls. I wanted something normal. Middle School was bearable so I thought maybe in high school things get better but no. Things got worse. I was in the same class as my cousin kinn and he was popular nothing like me.

You see he is from the main family and they know how to please people with money and the power of words but the unlucky me, I'm from a minor family and we are nothing like them. The idea of being the second one took over my father's thoughts. And he became worse day by day. My mother couldn't take it and one day when I came back from school I found her drowning in her blood and water in the bathtub.

Things got nasty after that in front of others my father is like the most caring man in the world but behind closed doors, he only knows how to punch us or insult us.

My uncle shows love and affection toward his sons and they have a good image. He never uses his sons in a way that causes rumors But my father doesn't care about that. He does care that in high school people talk more and rumors spread like air. like it was the truth and has always been there.

I'm not so talkative and most of the time I prefer to let them think I'm sleeping in class. I always have good marks and it's not enough.  Like I should always be more, do more, show more...

Things are not that simple in my life I always have to compete even though I like nothing but peace. I was happy that even in my last year of high school get to be in the same class as "him" my high school crush. My first crush or should I call it my first love? Since I have had a crush on him for about 5 years.

Every year we were in the same class but till now we didn't even talk not once. I always watch him. He is about the same height as me. does have this cute smile that every time reaches his eyes and makes his dimple shine more. Always acts goofy around my cousin and to be fair he is always there with my cousin so I guess like everyone says they are together. for me it's painful but nothing new.

People always choose kinn over me. He is taller and more talkative. he likes to show the idea of him being the heir of the family even though he has an older brother. even being gay didn't destroy his image. But there's me Mr no.2. They used to call me that in middle school. but kids are meaner in here and as I said the rumors didn't help my situation at all.

They call me manwhore now all thanks to my dad and the way he likes to work using his sons to make deals. Of course, I couldn't let him use Macau. he doesn't deserve to live this life and suffer like me so I take all of this shit for both of us and it's okay. I feel disgusting ever since this started I didn't feel safe. I can't sleep without nightmares. Without feeling nasty hands on me. Pulling me into the darkness.
If it wasn't for Macau I think I would have killed myself after the first time this happen.

He called me for a Meeting and handed me to them like I wasn't his son. Only because he hated the fact that I was gay. They used me like I was a doll and my father didn't care enough to take me to the hospital so I asked one of my bodyguards - nop - to take me there. And I had to sit there and explained to them that it's not a rape case.

And it was hard to always stay as perfect as he wanted me to be and hide all those nasty bite marks and bruises. So eventually they started to talk about it. It was good I was quiet and angry so they thought I was getting in trouble like fights. But one of the dad's clients was the father of one of the kids in our class and that's when everything turned to hell.