a soulmate that wasn't meant to be

chapter 10

TW: mention of death, mention of sa, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, sh

The ginger woke up to find himself in dazais bed with a pair of arms wrapped around him, he opened his ocean blue eyes to see that this were the bandaged boy's arms around his waist, he could feel his breath on his neck, he tried to get up and get dazai off him but he pulled him and held him tighter as he felt the bruenettes soft lips closer to his neck and slightly touching him "z-zai" "mhm" chuuya held his breath as he was watching dazai sleeping, he was beautiful and so peaceful. The short boy just went back to sleep and held dazai too as he moved him closer, he still hated him but this moment. He wanted to have this moment he had dreamed his entire life.

The ginger fell asleep again and when he woke up dazai wasn't next to him but he was standing by the door and waited for chuuya to wake up "I see you're up, I need to talk to you." chuuya got up and glared at the bruenette "Whats up?" he said in an ironic tone, dazai leaned closer and grabbed chuuyas wrist "Don't play games chuuya, I know you hooked up with fyodor" chuuya pushed him off him "So what? What's your problem?" "He tried to have sex with you without you wanting ans getting you fucking drunk! And you still love him?!" Chuuya chuckled as he was furious "LOVE HIM?! LOVE HIM? I LOVE YOU. FUCKING YOU. BUT YOU LITERALLY DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY FEELINGS. YOU BROKE MY HEART AND DESTROYED OUR FUCKING FRIENDSHIP!" dazai was sobbing "WHAT?! YOU HURT ME AND YOURE CRYING?" it was the first time he saw dazai sobbing and shaking, he loved him, he loved him so much he couldn't see him like this, he cared more than anyone. "Hey hey I" he said nothing and just took dazais in his arms as he could feel the bruenettes heart beating fast and shaking body "I should be dead I ruin everything I'm useless.." "No dazai you're more than that, a lot more and it's alright, everybody makes mistakes" dazai started trembling and stuttered while talking but chuuya sushed him "shhhh its alright dazai I'm here now".

The next day they started hanging out again and pretended that none of that happened, fyodor tried to flirt with chuuya all the time and bullies were still a pain in the ass but dazai was like his bodyguard and didn't let anyone touched him but one day emu finally snapped. "Dazai you said we would go on a date today! Where were you!?" "Sorry emu I was with-" "chuuya?! Of course you were with him!" Emu was in tears, dazai hugged her as she glared at chuuya. After the bandaged boy left the pinked haired girl walked over to him "Look I know you struggle with your life and family and being a freak but you're not taking my boyfriend, I'm your friend i have always defended you but you're not taking him." The ginger sighed, he knew it. Dazai wasn't his in the first place, he didn't want to be selfish and emu was a nice girl for him, girl yes. He didn't want a boy by his side. "Don't worry emu I don't like dazai he's just my-" he struggled to say it "best friend" the pinked haired girl smiled and pinched chuuyas cheek "thank you! See you tomorrow!" Chuuya forced a smiled as she walked off "that bitch" he whispered to himself as he clicked his tongue and went to class.

The ginger was siting in his room when he got a call "Hey you fake ass friend" "look I'm sorry yosano okay? I was-" "Yeah I know sad because of dazai and stuff, I will forgive you if you go out with me tonight, not as a date gross, as friends and go drink" chuuya smirked "wine?" "Yes" "im in" yosano giggled "Oh and you kinda have a lot to tell me don't ya?" Chuuya rolled his eyes "Yeah yeah" suddenly as they were talking verlaine started yelling "Chuuya! Come downstairs now for God's fucking sake!" "One sec I'm gonna call you back" chuuya grinned and went to his brother "What do you want!" "Dazai called me." Fuck what did that bastard had to do with his brother "He told me someone tried to rape you." the short boy went silent "You need to protect yourself chuuya. I allow alcohol, cigarettes your friends but when that boyfriend of yours tries to rape you no I draw a line at that." "Since when do you care?" Verlaine look defeated "Excuse me?" "Last time I checked you beat me up because I ruined your date and I forgot to buy groceries and you didn't care that I went to the hospital by too much drugs, dazai got me to the hospital not you" the blonde man slapped him "Listen here. All this time when Dad hit us I was the one that protected you and stand up for you. I was the one that was feeding you and kept you safe. It's not my fault you did drugs and almost died. You chose to. And if you want me out of your life just tell me so I don't have to waste my fucking money that I work my butt off to feed you." Chuuya had a blank stare in his eyes, verlaine was right. He was blaming him for nothing when he should apologise for bringing him trouble so many times. Of course sometime he would snap. "I'm sorry. I had been a shitty little brother. But we are both wasted verlaine and you know it. You get drunk almost every night and take pills so you can not feel any pain because you're sick of it, do you think I didn't know? We are the same shit as our parents verlaine and we both know it." "We can change it" "we can't. I may be the dumb little brother that always causes trouble but I know one thing. We are created by our parents and we can't change what we are. That's who we are. A wasted mess. We don't even know ourselves because we can't define it." Verlaine hugged chuuya "you really are a bad little brother and an asshole."

The next day school was full of drama. Bad drama. Rumors about fyodor and chuuya were starting to spread again by fake rumors fydors friends have made, emu kept flirting and hugging dazai while his eyes were numb, he felt no emotion, chuuya kept wondering what was wrong but the pinked haired girl wouldn't let him even talk to the bruenette. Suddenly while he was out skipping class and smoking a black haired man took his cigarette "Its bad for your health you know pretty boy" the ginger clicked his tongue "Leave me alone you creep" fydor chuckled "you know people don't like freaks like us, thats why they make such a negative fuss about it, if it was a straight couple everyone would congratulate them comment a little and stop caring but it is a gay couple so the world goes wild and says mean and bad comments about it." Chuuya got up and grabbed fyodor by the collar "What do you want from me?" "Love" chuuya laughed and threw him on the floor "God for such a smart ass I didn't thought you could stand this low-!" He said after punching him "Getting me drunk to rape me and then just begging for forgiveness and love? Nope not possible." "I actually came to tell you something else" "What is it again?" Chuuya started running as fast as he could when the black haired man spoke "Dazai is at the bathroom, bleeding.".

He rushed to the bathroom and as he saw dazai everything just got off his mind, it was just him and his worry about the bruenette.

"I-im sorry.."

The bruenette whispered.