a soulmate that wasn't meant to be

chapter 14

TW: mention of abuse, overdosing, alcohol, pills, drugs, making out

Dazai put chuuya in his bed and ran his palm through the ginger's cheek and hair "Why did you pretend to love that girl chuuya? To be someone you're not?" Chuuya was still drunk but he could understand what dazai was saying now "How did you know?" Dazai chuckled softly as he stared at chuuyas deep ocean eyes, oh those eyes, he could stare at them forever "I know you too well, and I talked with verlaine" he said as he tucked some of chuuyas hair behind his ear "I- im still in love with you" when you're drunk you always tell the truth they say, chuya was staring at dazais shore lips intensely, dazai noticed and leaned closer "You want to kiss me?" Chuuya smiled and grabbed the bruenette's chin while dazai was on top of him "what if I do~" the bandaged man was just staring at chuuyas lips now, he couldn't resist, he missed his touch, his lips, his body, he missed him. Suddenly he felt a hand unbuttoning his shirt "I missed your body you freak" "Are these drunk words or the truth love?" dazai said while smirking "Its the truth of course, it doesn't matter if I got alcohol in my blood" before dazai could continue teasing him he felt the ginger's lips on his while cold hands were touching his waist and back "Now tell me, why did you pretend?" "Because I'm still in love with you! And I'm still not sober" "I can see that" chuuya didn't want them to continue talking, neither about him, neither his girlfriend, neither his fake personality, he just wanted to touch dazai, to feel him, to be his again. "I want to be yours dazai" "You're already mine my love".

They slept together while cuddling and just throwing small kisses at each other's bodies but love and happiness doesn't last for long does it? Especially for this stupid boys.

Chuuya woke up, almost all his clothes off and with a terrible headache, he got up, took an aspirin and then realised that wasnt his house "Where the fuck am I?!" suddenly a bruenette whispered under his breath, still in a sleepy and tired voice and tone "my house, we fucked" "No we didn't! And why am I at your house anyways?! I want nothing that has to do with you!" Dazai got up and chuckled with a dirty smile "You did want to fuck me and touch me last night tho" suddenly chuuya slapped him, good way to start his morning. "Don't ever talk to me again." he said and wore his clothes and left.

When he got home things weren't any better "Chuuya! Where were you?! I got worried sick!" "I got drunk" he said in a murmuring tone, suddenly his girlfriend took something out of her pocket "I found these in our room, hidden." Fuck. It was his hard pills, the one he took to get knocked out to feel something, expect sadness and anger, and anti-depressants "I-" "You were lying this whole time? You were never sober." Suddenly a blonde man walked into the room "You-?! You told her?!" Verlaine sighed "Its for your own good" he suddenly punched his brother as he fell on the ground "I told her youre gay too" chuuya froze as he stared at his girlfriend, she was ready to cry "So you used me? To get over your gay love and yourself? You never loved me?!" she started yelling but then she just gave the ginger a cold, numb stare, a dissapointing one "We are done. You got some hours to get out of my house. When I'm back I don't want you here." and she just stormed off. Chuuya was furious. More angry than ever. He punched and punched his brother "Do you realise what you have done?!" "You ruined your own life by doing this chuuya".

6 years before

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE VERLAINE?! YOU GET WASTED AND MAKE OUT WITH BOYS AND TURN YOUR BROTHER THIS WAY TOO?! IM TAKING YOU WITH ME." the old man grabbed the boy's hand and didn't let go, he pushed him in the car and knocked him out as he took him in his house. Family, what does that word even mean? Can someone be your family when you're related by blood but they abuse you? Can someone be family when you're not related with blood? I think its how anyone sees it but I personally think home and family can be anything, a person,a place, not a certain someone you happened to share the shame pitiful blood with. Verlaine didn't felt like this man and woman called 'his parents' were his family. They never treated him this way. Family is supposed to give love, affection and support to each other doesn't it? Why did he never got it? All he ever got was some bread that he gave to his little brother that was skin and bones, he found other people and ways he can take the things he wants, he used people and stole, but he didn't do it for him. He did it for his family. Well his called family. No one else would take care of them so he had to.

-

"Brother, why do you always bring the food and water, isn't dad and mom supposed to do that?" the small short ginger boy was shaking from cold, they couldn't afford the bills or to fix the house and it was cold, verlaine took off his sweater and gave it to chuuya "aren't you cold brother?" "No chuuya I'm fine".

But after all they were just kids. Kids with dreams they couldn't afford. Dreams only come true when you have money and love, a good family, if you you will mostly end up not fullfiling your dream, but verlaine sacrificed his dream so that he could fulfill chuuya's one. He didn't care about his one happiness because he had the idea he didn't deserve it. But his little brother did. They were just traumatized kids.

Dazai wasn't better. His mother gave him money for food everyday that she got from her rich boyfriends she had sex with but he had to give them to his dad and the other half for pills. "You tried to kill me multiple times" "Son I would never-" "That's why I have multiple scars and purple-black spots everywhere?" his father tear up.

- Why are you crying osamu?
- I never wanted to be this kind of father
- but you did.

That's what he said and left the room, how pitiful this man was, he tried to kill and abused his child and he was the one who was crying. Such a shame.

But they had each other.

Right..?

Author notes:
I want to continue this but I'm half asleep so next update probably someday this week