Her Fire

Replay

I wake up and stretch my fingers searching for Tobias, only to come up empty. I sit up and look around.

"Tobias?" I holler, thinking he may just be in the bathroom. No answer. I get up and walk to the door, I open it and step into the hallway.

"Tobias?" I call out again, walking a few steps. I listen for a response but hear nothing again.

'Where is he?' I think.

I take a few more steps and hear his voice coming from his office. His voice gets louder as I reach the door. I open it to ask him what's going on, but when I do, he turns to me and shouts,

"What?" I'm stunned, hurt. My eyes wide, I stammer,

"N... nothing, sorry." I close the door and run back to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and step in, in a daze.

'He yelled at me.' I think,

'He's never yelled at me before.'

'Well, that's not true.' my brain corrects, throwing flashes of that nightmare into my vision. I drop to my knees and cry. The nightmare replaying in my head. His angry look, him shouting at me, him walking away from me and telling me he never wants to see me again. It plays over and over as I sob, my tears washing down the drain with the rest of the water. I can faintly hear the door open.

"Kyrie?" Tobias asks, pulling the curtain back to see me in a heap at the bottom crying.

"Kyrie, what's wrong?" he wonders as he squats down, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinch and he pulls his hand back.

"Baby, what is it? Please look at me." worry in his voice. I slowly turn to look at him, afraid to see his face, in fear of him still being mad at me.

"You yelled at me." I choke out.

"Oh, love." he says, making it sound like I'm being ridiculous.

"No!" I shout, getting a little angry,

"You don't get it. You said it the exact same way." more tears,

"You're 'what?' when I opened your office door." copying it as I said it. Confusion crosses his face as he tried to remember the other time he shouted.

"I don't understand Kyrie. What do you mean?" he asked, concern in his eyes.

"When you snapped at me and told me you never wanted to see me again." I stammer through heavy sobs. Trying to calm myself I pause to take a deep breath, and finish with,

"When you left me." my small voice barely audible over the running water. Tears fall silently as the 'nightmare reel' plays again. Tobias turns off the water and begins,

"Left you? I didn't..." he stops as he finally realizes what's happening. He continues,

"Oh, babygirl. I'm so sorry. I wasn't shouting at you. Work had called me, and I was frustrated with them because I specifically told them not to. I told them all not to bother me today. Not today." he states.

"Why did I get the shit end of the stick then? I'm not work! I didn't do anything to deserve that." I retaliated.

"You're right. You're not work, and I shouldn't have taken out my frustration on you. It was uncalled for. I really am sorry. I feel horrible for making you cry, especially on our anniversary." he said, dropping his gaze.

"I'm sorry." he repeats, looking defeated. I sigh and place my hand on his arm,

"Look, you have to understand that I wasn't crying because of you. It was the way you snapped at me. It brought me back to that nightmare, reliving every moment, watching you leave me. My heart can't survive without its mate. Dream or not, it will kill me if we're ever not together." I look down at my hands, unable to watch his face as I say those words. I become anxious as the silence continues to deafen the room. My nerves becoming frayed waiting for Tobias to say something. Anything. I sigh again and glance up at him. He is just kind of sitting there, expression; unknown. Hints of curiosity, bepuzzlement, sadness, understanding; all shone through. However, it wasn't just fully one emotion, maybe, all of them? It was strange to watch all these different feelings cross his face in all manner of combinations. He blinks rapidly a few times and finds my hazel orbs with his. He opens his mouth to speak, only to close it again. He raises an eyebrow and looks at me curiously,

"Is that why we weren't together in our last life? Because I left you?" pain and sadness in his eyes. I give him a small half smile,

"No, you were already married when I found you. I couldn't get in the way of that. You were happy." my smile fading.

"But you, weren't." he said not as a question, but almost knowingly.

"I was happy that you were happy." I said.

"That's not the same thing." he retorts.

"No, but it was what I had. And that was enough, for a while." mentally kicking myself for throwing those last few words in there, knowing he will have caught them and question me.

"Until it killed you?" he asked, the pieces clicking in his head.

"Well, no, and yes." I stated. Tobias raises another brow at me, wanting me to elaborate. I continue, a smile on my lips.

"No, because seeing you happy really was enough. You were safe and sound. You had everything you needed. A roof over your head and clothes on your back. You were healthy and taken care of, and loved." I pause, my smile fading.

"And yes, because despite all those things, you didn't come home to me. I was heartbroken and devastated. It hurt so much. I was going to come talk to you when I found you, but she walked up, and you kissed her. I could feel my heart shatter." I pause again, fresh tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"I stuck around for a while so I could, at least, be close, or see you around. But it got to be too much, seeing you, with her. So, I left, I moved away. That was worse. I didn't have any idea how you were or if you were alive. I moved back and you were happy as ever, with her. I couldn't take it anymore and I...I..." tears falling freely now.

"You what Kyrie?" he inquired.