the horrific past

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"BECAUSE I AM A FREAKING MURDERER"

Sana's pov
Have I heard right? Is he saying that he is a murderer ? But why? Whom did he murdered?
All these questions are messing my mind. A few moments ago we were too close and I confessed my love to him but the words that just blurted out from his mouth has blocked my mind

End of pov

Sid',s pov
She is quiet. I know she will react like this. She will judge me too. She is not saying anything but her expression has expressed it all. But it's okay I deserve this.

End of pov

Sid removed Sana's hand from him and moved back bringing Sana out of her trance.

"Oh shit he had just confessed his biggest secret to me and here I am lost in my own thoughts"

She went towards him but he moved back "it's okay I know you will hate me now and you must be scared of me too but don't worry I will not closer to you. I will stay Away and after returning I will not even show my face to you.... I am bad.... I..." Sid was rambling but Sana interupped him.

"Sid I am not...."

"Please no need to say anything....I know I am bad I deserve hatred... I am evil"

"Sid stop....."

"No... I am bad... I am" he was not listening to Sana and was just uttering the same thing again and again
So Sana stood on her toes and placed her lips on his making him forze.
She didn't kissed him but just placed her lips over his and cupped his face.
Sid took deep breath and then closed his eyes feeling calm with her closeness.
Sensing his calmness she moved a little back but she still was cupping his face.

"Shhh....not any other word now.....you are neither bad nor evil I trust my Sid he can't do anything bad... You are good....no you are the best....I have always seen kindness in your eyes so I can't believe that you will ever anything bad. There must be some reason behind what you have done in the past but that doesn't going to change the fact that I love. I have loved you since childhood. I have always dreamt to spend my entire life with you as a child and now also my plans are same....so please Sid Don't think bad of yourself...... don't hide your feelings don't mask your personality. Not atleast in front of me. Let me see you.... Let me in.... Tell me everything.... I will surely understand you" Sana said joining her forehead with his whole tears trickled down Sid's face.
He opened his eyes and Sana opened her arms while he immediately hid himself in her arms placing his face in her neck.

"I didn't want to kill him Sanu... I didn't... I was not intentional... I.... I am not criminal" he said hicupping like a kid while Sana's heart broke seeing his vulnerable state.

"Oh God...he is in so much of pain....please God give me the strength to heal him"

"I know Sid you can't do anything wrong" she said caressing his hairs giving him strength to speak his heart out.

"Who was he?" She asked in a hushed tone as she didn't want to make him uncomfortable

"My...my dad" he whispered making Sana shock to the core but she still held him tightly as his hold was also getting tighter. He rubbed his back to calm him.
Taking a deep breath he broke the hug and made her sit on the head of straw while he himself knelt in front of her holding her hands.

"You knew right...how abusive he and my mother was...they never cared for me. My father was drunkard and my mom used to vent out his anger on me" he said reminiscing the old days while Sana just nodded.

"Dad was in so much debt because of his drinking habit so we had to flee from Delhi. We went to a small village nereby and started living in a small house. Mumma was fed off dad so she started seeing someone else behind my father's back. They still didn't cared about me. They sent to work in local tea stall. That tea stall owner was nice he used to give me food to eat and treated me better than my parents. He gave me his son's old books to study. I was so lonely, I was missing you and uncle-aunty badly but I couldn't do anything so I accepted my fate. My routine was the same work in the morning and I was beaten by my parents in the evening without any mistakes. Imagine a 13 year old boy dealing with all this stress and trauma " he said with difficulty as he was reminiscing these horrific memories.
Sana was feeling suffocated listening to his pain.
"How much he has suffered that too in young age....why God why did you do this to my Sid"
Sid placed her head in her lap as it was difficult for him to talk about all.

"You don't have to continue. It's okay I can understand" Sana said kissing the top of his hair and she was continuously rubbing his back making him a little calmer.

"No ......let me continue.... I want to vent out all this.... I can't bear more" he said raising his head while Sana cupped his and kissed his forehead and wiped away his tears.
"I have always craved this....this love, this affection...but I never recieved it from my parents...but still I was okay. I loved my parents.... But one day...

Flashback
Sid was cleaning his home while his mother was as usually out with her boyfriend.
Sid father came home fully drunk and started shouting on the top of his lungs

"Where is your mother? Where is that slut?" He said holding Sid tightly who was afraid seeing the rage in his father's eyes

"I....I don't.... don't know" he said shuttering

"Stop lying you bastard" he said slapping him hard on his face

"So you already started your show" said his mother entering home.

"So you are here...you slut...." He said making her eyes widen

"Don't be so shocked I know everything... I know where do you go everyday....you have no shame" he spatted

"Shutup you have no rights to say be anything you drunkard I am done with you and I leaving this home" saying so she started moving when Sid held her hands

"Mumma please don't leave me " he said with teary voice

"Get your hands off me" she said pushing Sid away but Sid's father pulled her by holding her hair "no you can't go...... I will not let you go from this home alive" saying so he took out a gun from his pocket shocking both Sid and his mother.

"Have you lost your mind? What are you doing?" Said his mother
Yes papa please don't do this" Sid too requested but his father pushed him and aimed the gun at her.
Sid parents started their fight while Sid was trying to stop them.
While all these choas the gun got fired at Sid's dad and he fell immediately freezing Sid and his mother.

"Papa....papa..." Sid said shaking him but he was not responding at all.

"You killed him.... You are a murderer" Sid mother said making his heart stop

"No mumma....I didn't...." He tried to say but his mother stopped him.
"No don't touch me you murderer" she said and ran out of the house while Sid didn't know how to react. His father dead body was scaring the hell out of him.

"No I am not a murderer.... I am not a murderer...." He said to himself and suddenly he got up and ran out of his house."

End of flashback

"I am not a murderer... I didn't killed him.... I didn't intend to.... I...." Sid said closing his eyes while Sana was too shocked to react. She even can't imagine the pain he must have went through all these years but his sobs brought her back to reality.
She immediately took him in her arms and started rubbing his back

"No you are not a murderer.... You are not.... You didn't did anything wrong.... I was not your mistake.... Stop blaming yourself for it please" she said kissing him over his head while Sid clutched Sana more tightly.

"Please don't leave me.... Please don't hate me" he begged her

"I will never my Sid.... I love you.... I love you so much....and you deserve all the love affection in the world... You are not wrong...it's not your mistake it's you parent mistake...
You are innocent my baby" she said caressing his hairs while her words were doing magic on her wounded soul. Her love was giving him strength and peace.
Sana cupped his face and wiped all his tears "don't cry my love" she said kissing his forehead and then she kissed his eyes while he was just sitting still.

"You are not alone...I am there with you and I will always stand by you no matter what" she said with determination in her voice....

So this was Sid's past.
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