SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 10

The changes happening in me became more intense after Kuya Hunter left again. Mas lumala ang mga napapansin kong kakaibang nangyayari sa 'kin that it started to frustrate me so much.

It was so frustrating. It became scarier too. Mas dumami ang mga araw na lumilipas na wala man lang akong naalala sa kung anong nangyari sa araw na 'yon. Although there were times that it would only be a few hours or even a few minutes but still... It was scary.

Minsan, hindi lang isang araw ang lilipas na wala akong naaalala. Umaabot pa ng tatlong araw. And that was what scares me the most.

I was sure that something weird and frightening was happening to me.

May mga bagay na bigla na lang din lumilitaw sa kwarto ko. Things I knew that weren't mine and I didn't even buy. I was worried that they were from other people and I just took them without their permission.

What if I stole those things?

Ilang beses ko ring napansing wala sa dating pinalalagyan ko ang mga bagay at nakikita ko sila sa ibang pwesto. I asked Nanay Flor about it. But, ever since the day I told her to put my things back where they belonged if she cleaned my room, Nanay Flor has made certain that she did so.

Because of that, I sometimes overthink things.

What if... I'm killing people with those days I couldn't even remember what I was doing? What if... I'm a serial killer and those things I've found that weren't mine were from my victims?

Marahas akong napailing.

No. That wouldn't be possible. I was just overthinking things.

"James, hijo, maaari ba kitang makausap?" salubong sa akin ni Nanay Flor isang araw pag-uwi ko galing school.

I looked at her. She had a serious expression on her face. But I could also tell that she was worried about something based on the look in her eyes.

I blinked. Maya-maya ay napatango na rin.

"Sige po, ano po 'yun?"

Nakita ko pa ang pag-aalangan sa mukha ni Nanay Flor which just confused me even more. But she looked at me and she might've realized that I just got home from school.

"Magbihis ka na muna. Pagkatapos do'n tayo sa hapag."

I nodded even if I was still confused. Mabilis akong umakyat sa kwarto para magbihis. I just took a plain shirt and cotton shorts. Habang nagbibihis ako ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung anong gustong sabihin sa 'kin ni Nanay Flor.

Hindi kaya... napapansin n'ya na rin ang nangyayari sa 'kin?

I got nervous. No, please... I wouldn't want that. It was... embarrassing. Natatakot akong baka kung ano'ng isipin din sa 'kin ni Nanay Flor.

Kaya tuloy habang pababa ako ay sobra-sobra ang kaba ko. Lalo pa nang makita ko si Nanay Flor na seryoso ang mukha habang nakaupo na sa dining table. Umupo ako sa harap n'ya. I tried to act as casually as I can.

"Ano pong pag-uusapan natin, Nanay Flor?" lakas-loob kong tanong.

She was hesitant at first. I could tell. Pero bumuntong-hininga rin at may inilapag sa ibabaw ng table.

"Nakita ko 'to sa damitan mo, James..."

Tiningnan ko ang nasa ibabaw ng lamesa. I frowned when I didn't recognize what it was. It was a box of some kind of product. Kinuha ko iyon at binasa para malaman kung ano'ng laman. Napanganga ako nang mabas kung ano 'yon.

Condoms...

"Ano— Na—" Napatingin ako kay Nanay Flor sa nanlalaking mga mata. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng sasabihin ko!