SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 20

This is the last and final part of SHIELDER. Thank you so much for reading our babysitter's story, Grayson James Sanford!

See you in Chess Pieces Aftermath: Lucius D'Angelo, the final installment for Chess Pieces Aftermath!
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I leaned back on the couch where I was sitting, letting my body relax. If my eighteen-year-old self would see me right now, he would not believe that I would get this comfortable sitting on the couch inside the shrink's clinic. He would not believe that I would feel relaxed and that I wasn't thinking of bolting out of this room anymore.

Mrs. Pineda smiled at me when she saw my stance. And by the looks of it, I think we were thinking the same thing.

"You look great, Gray..." she said. Her smile was genuine. "The very first time I saw you, I saw a young boy walk in that door," tinuro n'ya ang pinto ng clinic," who looked terrified and confused. He looked like he didn't know what he was doing and he wanted someone to help him but he didn't know who to ask."

Napangisi ako bago tumingin sa pintong tinuro n'ya. Suddenly, I was remembered of the feeling when I walked inside this clinic. She was right. I felt so terrified back then. I was alone. Wala akong kasama nang pumunta ako rito sa clinic noon kaya mas grabe ang naging kaba ko.

"The very first time I sat here in this couch, parang gusto ko na lang tumakbo paalis ng clinic n'yo no'n," pag-amin ko. "Lalo na nu'ng umupo kayo sa tapat ko."

"Nahalata ko nga 'yon."

I chuckled. Mas lalong napangiti si Mrs. Pineda nang marinig ang magaang pagtawa ko.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. "Thank you ho na hindi kayo sumuko para tulungan ako. I mean, I know it's your job but... ramdam ko po 'yung kagustuhan n'yong  matulungan talaga ako. Hindi n'yo 'ko sinukuan."

I was so glad it was Mrs. Pineda that I chose to talk with that day. Na sa kanya ako nagpakonsulta. I've heard that people with DID find it hard to look for a perfect shrink for them. Because not all therapists believed in the condition. They didn't believe in DID and the theories and studies about it.

Kaya nga hanggang ngayon, ang mga taong may ganitong kondisyon ay mas lalong nahihirapan. Especially when they finally decided to get help but they find someone who didn't believe in their condition.

Imagine asking for help but you asked the wrong person.

That's why with Mrs. Pineda, I'm glad that she was my therapist. Pinaliwanag n'yang mabuti sa 'kin ang lahat. Lalo na noong litong-lito ako at takot na takot sa nangyayari sa 'kin. She explained my condition, about DID, and what was really happening to me.

Mrs. Pineda gave me a gentle smile.

"No, Gray... Thank you. Salamat kasi ginusto mong tulungan ang sarili mo. I am only here to listen and give advice. Ikaw ang talagang malaki ang naitulong sa sarili mo."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Bigla ko kasing naalala iyong mga panahong ginusto ko na lang na... sukuan ang lahat.

I'm glad I didn't.

Maybe Mrs. Pineda was right. Kung hindi rin dahil sa kagustuhan kong matulungan ang sarili ko, baka nga wala ako rito ngayon. But most of all, kung hindi dahil sa mga taong nakasuporta sa 'kin, baka tuluyan lang akong matakot. Tuluyan lang akong magtago sa mundo.

"I have people to support me," I said, thinking about my brother who was just outside the clinic.

And... the memories of the woman I love.

I cleared my throat. Muling ngumiti sa 'kin si Mrs. Pineda.

"So, you're okay now?" she asked and I nodded. "How about your alters? Madalas pa rin ba ang switching? Madalas pa rin ba ang hallucinations mo?"