SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 17

I was the happiest when Rey became my girlfriend. Hindi ko pa nga mapaniwalaan. Although I'd already kissed and hugged her, still, I couldn't believe that she finally became mine.

I mean, hirap na hirap pa nga ako kung paano s'ya dapat liligawan! I even asked Mang Gener about it. I have knowledge, si James pa ba. But I don't trust his ways. Baka mas lumayo lang si Rey sa 'kin at matakot kung gagayahin ko ang galawang playboy n'ya.

May alam din naman ako, from Kuya Hunter. I think Artemis dislikes him at first but Kuya managed to get through her heart. Si Kuya pa nga ang naging role model ko.

But I still asked Mang Gener as I didn't want to mess things up. Isa pa naman 'yon sa naging talent ko. I was good at messing up beautiful things.

That's why I couldn't believe Rey's became my girlfriend. That she really said yes.

May karapatan na 'kong magselos. May karapatan na 'kong magalit sa mga lalaking kakaiba ang tingin na binibigay sa kanya. May karapatan na rin akong tusukin ang mga mata nila.

Rey was my first girlfriend.  Not counted iyong mga babae na hindi ko alam kung nakarelasyon ba ni James or they were just his flings. Rey was the first woman I've ever wanted in my life. The woman I could imagine my future with.

With her, I could see a normal future. With her, I could see having my own family. Iyong magkakaanak kami. We will both take care of our kids. Inside our own home.

Rey was mine. She was someone I didn't want to let go of. She was someone I wanted to stay in my life.

But... Would she choose to stay if she finds out the truth about me? Is it okay if I tell her everything?

I should. I know I should tell her. I didn't want to keep lying to her. I didn't want to keep secrets from her.

Alam ko rin namang malalaman ni Rey ang tungkol sa kondisyon ko. Makakahalata s'ya lalo pa ngayon na nagdesisyon akong makasama s'ya. She's a psychologist. She would see the symptoms.

But... I wasn't prepared when that moment came sooner than I expected.

Hindi pa ganoong kahaba ang masasayang oras na nagkakasama kami ni Rey. It was too soon. The moment got ruined too soon.

Maybe fate didn't really favor me. Fate wanted me to suffer. They didn't want me to be happy. Kaya maagang binawi sa 'kin ang kaligayahang nararanasan ko.

I couldn't explain the excruciating pain I was feeling as I stared at Rey kneeling on the ground in front of a dead cat. It hurts so damn fucking much as I tried to drink in the scene in front of me.

Lilac was dead. With just one glance, I knew that someone murdered him. Ganoon din ang komento ni Mang Gener. Hindi kayang gawin iyon ng pusa sa sarili nila. Hindi ganoon ang magiging itsura ni Lilac kung sumabit man sa bagay ang bell choker n'ya.

Rey bought that bell choker for Lilac. And I knew, I knew that she was blaming herself. But I didn't want her to think like that.

That cat had been with me on those lonely days when I first came here in Negros. Kahit na tamad si Lilac, mapili sa pagkain na gusto ay manok lang, at kahit na palagi s'yang tulog, still, Lilac became my company.

Taking care of Lilac was like having a child. I loved the cat like it was my child. That was why I considered myself as Lilac's furr dad. Kaya nga nang makilala ko si Rey, I was really set on making her Lilac's mom.

But now... our child, our pet was gone.

Kitang-kita ko kung gaano nasasaktan si Rey habang nakatingin sa walang buhay na pusa. I couldn't even manage to get near Lilac's body. I didn't want to see him dead. I didn't want to admit that I wouldn't get to hear his meows again.