SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 12

Violet and I became close. She was always with me, wherever I was. She became attached to me, like a stray dog that was given a name by someone, that's why it treated that person as its owner and began to follow them anywhere.

Most of the time, we were always together, doing missions from EL Ordre. They would give us the same missions kaya mas napapadalas na magkasama kami. I had no problem with that as Violet and I made a great team.

But because we were always together, Violet noticed the difference in me. She noticed my condition no matter how hard I tried to hide it. No matter how my alters helped me hide it. Violet still noticed those little changes that she knew weren't my personality.

I knew it would happen. She was a great agent. Of course, mapapansin n'ya talaga iyon.

So, I had no other choice but to tell her the truth. That I had a condition called DID.

"That's scary, Gray..."

That was the first thing she'd ever said after I told her everything. Nasa mga mata ang takot at... isa pang emosyon na hindi ko na ulit gugustuhin pang makita sa ibang tao kapag nalaman nila ang tungkol sa sitwasyon ko.

She looked disgusted.

That was when I realized that... Ah...  I really was different from other people. I wasn't normal. No matter what I would do, I would never be normal.

Of course, she'd be disgusted. Other people would be disgusted too. And I decided that I would never tell anyone about my condition again.

Ayokong... pandirihan nila ako. Ayokong makita ulit ang ganoong emosyon sa iba.

Fuck... I don't like this. I hate this. Why am I different? Why am I not normal?

"No wonder you kept it a secret. People would find it funny and ridiculous," Violet said. "Am I the only one who knew about this?"

I nodded. I felt so cold. It was my first time telling anyone about this.

I was thankful, though, that she took me seriously. It took a lot of courage to admit it.

Ayoko sanang malaman din n'ya. But she already noticed it. Baka mapagkamalan n'ya akong baliw o weird kung hindi ko pa sasabihin sa kanya ang totoo. I figured that it was her anyway. She would believe me. And I was so glad that she did.

"That's why you don't let yourself get attached to other people even though you are so friendly. There's that wall that you put up around yourself."

I almost chuckled. Kahit 'yon pala ay nahalata n'ya.

"But yes... That's a good move. Don't let yourself get attached to people other than me. If they found out about your condition, they would get scared and stay away from you," she said as if giving me advice. "To be honest, Gray... You look crazy whenever an alter front. It was really scary."

I know... I could understand. Ganoon din naman ang naramdaman ko nu'ng mapansin ko ang mga kakaiba sa 'kin. It was frightening as hell. Ako pa nga lang natatakot na, paano pa kaya ang ibang tao?

That was one of the reasons why I've been keeping from other people. Ayokong matakot sila sa 'kin. There's nothing scary about me. About my alters. They're good... I also like talking to them too.

But then... The thought of alters living in my mind. The sudden change of personality whenever an alter front, for other people, would be frightening.

Kaya kahit na may galit ako kay Kuya Hunter na palagi s'yang wala, kahit na may tampo ako sa kanya na hindi n'ya ako nadadamayan sa mga panahong kailangang-kailangan ko s'ya... There were times that I would be glad that he's not here.