SHIELDER (CPAGS Epilogue)

Part 18

Rey was just listening as I told her everything. Kabang-kaba ako habang nagsasalita. Takot na takot na baka pagkatapos nito, magbago ang lahat sa 'min. I was trembling. I wanted to just lay down dahil pakiramdam ko, bibigay na ang mga tuhod ko anumang oras.

Still, I continued telling her everything. I kept on reminding myself that everything would be okay. This is Rey. The woman I love. Hindi ko naman s'ya mamahalin kung hindi ko nakita ang kaibahan n'ya sa lahat.

She's kind and understanding; most of all, I am comfortable with her. As comfortable as I feel when I'm at home with my family.

I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Nakikinig lang si Rey habang nagsasalita ako. She respected my wish for her not to go near me as I spoke. Natatakot kasi ako kapag malapit s'ya. I was afraid I would just suddenly break down. That I would beg her not to leave me even after this. Kaya pinigilan ko s'ya sa ilang beses n'yang tangkang paglapit sa 'kin.

The consolation I have was the understanding I saw on her face. And it was all that I needed.

Pakiramdam ko, may taong totoong nakakaintindi na sa 'kin sa wakas. Na may taong kaya akong tanggapin nang buong-buo.

Kung minsan ay hindi ko rin mapaniwalaan si Rey. Like how could she accept me just like this? How could she be so kind? Bakit wala man lang akong nakikitang pandidiri at takot gaya ng inaasahan kong makikita sa mga tao kapag nalaman nila ang tungkol sa kondisyon ko?

Maybe, it was because she's a psychologist. But... I could see the love in her eyes as well. The intense love she had for me.

Is she even real? Hindi ba s'ya bunga lang ng hallucinations ko? Hindi ko kasi talaga mapaniwalaan na makakatagpo ako ng katulad ni Rey.

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagmamahal n'ya para sa 'kin. Pagmamahal ang isinukli n'ya sa magulong buhay ko. Sa kondisyong nagpahirap sa 'kin sa buong buhay ko.

I was so grateful I found her.

I wanted to give her everything.

Sa palagay ko pa nga ay hindi pa sapat ang ginawa kong paghingi ng tulong kay Kuya Kylo na ayusin ang tungkol sa kaso ng nanay ni Rey. I wanted to help her. To ease some of her problems. Ako na lang kasi lagi ang tinutulungan n'ya.

So, I asked Kuya Kylo about it before. I couldn't ask Kuya Creed. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay sasabihin n'ya kay Kuya. Madaldal pa naman ang isang 'yon. Hindi mapigil ang bibig. Buti nga hindi naiinis si Fatima sa kanya.

Ah, si Kuya Kylo nga pala ang inis na inis sa mga katarantaduhan ni Kuya Creed.

But I knew Kuya Kylo could win Rey's mother's case.

"Are you sure you're really okay with... someone like me?" I asked Rey after I dried her hair. Her head was resting on my lap while looking up at me.

She reached for my face. Hindi ko na inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya, hindi katulad kanina na kinakabahan akong tingnan s'ya. I wanted to see her expression.

"I'm really sure, Gray..." she said with a soft voice but her eyes were full of promises. "Infinity percent sure."

Mas lalo lang lumalim ang pagmamahal ko para kay Rey. Wala rin naman akong planong umahon. I would gladly sink myself into this feeling even without knowing its depth. I could drown, yes, but I would feel even more alive drowning. I could breathe more freely.

Wala na 'kong planong pakawalan pa si Rey. I knew I wouldn't be able to find someone like her again. Nag-iisa lang s'ya.

I would do everything to protect her. I would do everything to make her happy. I would even flip the whole world if that was what she wanted.