This is exactly what the title says.
These are all oneshots/drabbles that I wrote out based on randomly generated incorrect quotes! It's chaos with one serious scene sprinkled in. Enjoy!
Some ships included.
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Ah yes, Defense Against the Dark Arts: class of offensive and defensive spells, the most coveted teaching position at Hogwarts, never able to hold a professor longer than a year and, most recently, the bane of Remus's existence.
Professor Soots paced across the now open floor of the DADA classroom, where all desks and chairs had been moved aside. His sleek boots clicked hollowly against the polished wood floors as he circled the two students in the middle of the room, wands in hand and spells at the ready.
It was quarreling day which, for the most part, was rather exciting and fun. But Remus had learned to dread it even more so than the class itself. Why, you may ask? Why does Remus, top of the dark arts class, model charms student, and prankster extraordinaire dread a singular class so much?
James Potter.
His infatuation with a certain Lily Evans had grown exponentially over the summer and he would not shut up about it. Lily this and Evans that; it was downright exhausting and Remus was about halfway to hexing James himself. It was especially worse in DADA because James seemed to have a specific liking towards Lily in the middle of a fight; hence the near constant stream of chatter spouted directly into Remus's ear about swooning over a certain red haired witch and her skill with a wand.
"At the ready," Professor Soots announced and the two students tensed.
"Look at her, Moony," James gushed into his ear and Remus leaned away ever so slightly. "She's so pretty, mate. Did you notice she got a haircut? Doesn't it look good on her?"
Remus sighed. "Yes, I did notice but only because you haven't shut up about it for the past month!"
James didn't react to the bite in Remus's voice. Professor Soots raised an arm and let it fall. The two students were off in a flash.
"Petrificus Totalus!" Lily's opponent, Perley Willows, shouted in his nasally screech.
"Protego!" Lily shouted back and the wisps of Perley's petrifying spell shattered against the white shield.
"Brilliant, Lily! Well done!" Professor Soots applauded but Lily didn't break concentration.
Perley sneered and opened his mouth to retaliate with another offensive spell but Lily had the lead. "Locomotor Mortis!"
Perley screeched as the spell made contact and his knees immediately locked up. His arms began to windmill as he lost his balance and Lily finished him off with a quick "expelliarmus!" catching his twirling wand as it zoomed towards her. She had effectively disarmed her opponent, quick and clean. Perley fell with a thump and a grunt and the class broke out into clapping and cheering, some of them laughing at the ratty boy who's robes had fallen over his head during the fall.
"Wonderful!" Professor Soots exclaimed as he swished his wand and Perley's knees unlocked with a click! "Smooth and clean, Lily. Just like all fair wizarding duels should be!"
Remus frowned bitterly at Soots' words. He couldn't dwell on it long however because James was at his ear and whispering again.
"She's so cool, mate! Did you see how easily she disarmed him? Bloody beautiful!" He sounded like a love sick puppy. "Merlin, she could smack me clear across the face and I'd probably still thank her..."
Remus, now thoroughly sick of James's pining, snorted and dropped his book as Professor Soots called his name. "I'd thank her too."
