Lionesses- Harry Hampton

I miss him so much

The 10th of April 2022. 4 years since Dad had died.

Harry woke up and instantly felt the pain pulling at his chest. It wasn't fair. It would never be fair.

It didn't take long for the tears to start falling. A knock at the door interrupted his crying.

"Go away," he called tearfully. He didn't really want whoever it was to go away but he was upset and angry.

"Please, Harry. I need you just as much as you need me," his sister's voice begged from the corridor. It sounded like she'd been crying.

He got out of bed and went and opened his door. Hannah was standing there, tears running down her cheeks. She stepped inside and embraced her brother tightly.

"I miss him so much," she managed to choke out between sobs. Harry couldn't even get his words out so he just nodded in agreement.

The pair moved over to lie back down in Harry's bed. They spent time crying and chatting about their dad. As sad as it was, it felt nice to talk. It felt good to reminisce and appreciate everything about him.

"Remember the time he took us to that ice cream place and he made us laugh so hard coke came out your nose," Harry said. He still had tears falling down his face but he was laughing as well.

At about half past twelve a knock came at the door. Hannah and Harry had slumped a bit and they were just lying still, grateful of each other's company.

"I'll get it," Hannah said and she walked over and opened the door. Leah was standing there.

"Hey. I just wondered if you guys wanted anything. Or need me to do anything. If you want to go anywhere, I'm happy to drive," Leah said. All the girls had been told about what today was and Leah wanted to make sure they were okay. She was so close with her dad that even the thought of losing him made her upset so she had no idea how the two of them were coping.

"Thanks that's really kind of you but I don't know if we do need anything," Hannah replied.

"Oh actually I've had an idea," she added as something popped into her head.

After a lunch that Hannah had to force Harry to eat, they were sat in Leah's car, Georgia with them.

A good thing about being so close to Birmingham was that it wouldn't take long to go to their dad's tree. They'd planted it in memory of him but hadn't been back for a couple of years.

They drove along without talking. Leah and Hannah were in the front, Georgia and Harry in the back. The radio was on quietly.

Harry stared out the window. He was emotionally exhausted. Grieving had a way of pulling out all the energy you had.

Georgia could tell how upset he was. She wasn't used to seeing him like this. She reached over and gently grabbed his hand. Instantly, some of the tension was released from his body.

They didn't say anything but they spent the rest of the journey like that. It was comforting and Harry was grateful for it.

When they got to the park, they all got out and made their way to the tree. Hannah and Harry went and sat down in front of it and Leah and Georgia stood a bit of distance away. They wanted to give them enough space but also wanted to be near enough if they needed anything.

Leah wrapped her arm around Georgia's shoulders and she leant in to Leah's side. They stood in silence, watching.

"It's been a big year," Hannah said. To anyone else it would've looked like she was talking to the tree but they both knew that she was speaking to their dad.

"I made my first England appearance and I did so well I got player of the match," she carried on, then falling into silence.

"I've not been the best. I got expelled. I just felt so lonely and I did bad things. I don't live with Mum anymore. I'm sorry. I wasn't a good son. But I'm better now. I promise. I live with Grandad and Hannah and I'm doing so much better," Harry said, a tear rolling down his cheek. Hannah pulled him in for a hug and he rested his head on her shoulder.

"I play for Villa now. It's not quite like playing for the Baggies would be but I'll take it. It's a great club and I feel so at home. The people are amazing and they really look after me."

As time went on, it got darker and eventually it began to rain. They got up, their faces red from crying. For all the sadness that had come out, they felt much better. Speaking to their dad brought a calming peace, like everything had been settled.

"You alright?" Leah asked as they approached. Hannah nodded.

"We're alright," she said.

The four of them walked back to the car in a calm silence. Hannah's arm around Harry, Leah's around Georgia.

"Can we get McDonalds?" Harry asked as they drove back to St George's Park.

"Are you really using your grief to get a McDonalds?" Hannah asked with a little laugh. Typical Harry.

"Yes."

"Alright then. If that's alright with you guys?" Hannah asked. Leah and Georgia both nodded.

One drive through trip later, they were back on the road enjoying their food.

"Ah she's stolen another one of my chicken nuggets," Harry complained.

"No I never," Georgia said, her mouth full of chicken giving her away.

"You two are like little children," Leah laughed.

"To be fair he stole two of my mozzarella sticks first," Georgia pointed out.

Later that evening, Hannah was saying goodnight to Harry.

"Please can you lay with me?" Harry asked quietly, scared of getting a no. He hadn't asked her to do that in years but she couldn't turn him down.

"Of course, I can," she replied.

***