All Along, You

XIII SLIGHT RELIEF

Kinn

I hear him panting in front of me in anticipation but why is that? Why does he do this to me like he has not hurt me enough? Sure, I've been trusting, I let go of my principles, and I bent the rules for him. Who knew? Who knew the only thing he'd ever give me would be pain and betrayal?

And even after breaking my heart, it's never enough. Porsche is never satisfied. And it's not like he's hidden this from me. It was obvious from the get-go. The problem was me. I should have known.

I should hold back and back away from even talking to him. Still, I find myself with my hand on his neck and my knees on the bed while I hover on top of him. I pull the handcuffs from my drawer and put it on his wrist. Without a warning, I put the other one on the bed's headboard leg to keep him bound.

"Kinn, what are you doing?" The panic in his voice gives me some sort of satisfaction and I lift his legs up. He was bare in front of me.

"You're not lubed up. You wouldn't put it inside you without lubrication, would you?" I ask him and he sported a confused reaction the way I remember he always did and I never questioned the authenticity of the reaction until now.

"Put what in?" He asks and I'm losing my patience. It kills me to be forced to spell things out for him.

"The thing you came inside my room for. You wanted some kind of evidence of something, didn't you? Did you put it in your ass or did you swallow it?"

"Kinn, I just came here for you" he mumbled like he couldn't believe his ears.

I couldn't help it. I put my hand around his throat again. He used his free hand to try to remove my grip but our positions and my anger definitely make it difficult for him.

"Spill it if you don't want me to dissect you just to find out. What are you and Vegas planning? " I warn him as he continues to struggle

"No, I-I came here to talk to you, Kinn!" It must have been hard to even talk but he had the courage to lie even when my closet had been opened, even when the vase where I put the notes of instructions from my father tumbled over, even when he's the only one who knew about where I placed these things.

The audacity to lie to my face and plead with me. He still had the guts to try and seduce me to shut me up, thinking it would be effective on me because in his eyes, a stupid gullible idiot I must be!

I stare at him and saw his lips turn pale as his free hand looses the strength of it's grip on mine. I let go of his neck.

"Kinn...s-stop" I hear him say. I stood up and turned away from him.

"I hate you, Porsche"

And I wonder if he heard it and if he understood that I meant it.

I turned around and sat on the sofa with my back on Porsche who continued to cough. I press the buzzer on the table and a bodyguard appears behind the door.

"Call Pete here. Tell him I need him." I instructed and he looked hesitant as he glances at Porsche.

This is not an ideal scenario, I know. My bodyguards probably have an idea about my feelings for Pete but I couldn't do this interrogation alone. I need Pete with me. If he could, I wish he'd do it for me. Interrogate Porsche. He's the only one I can trust for this. If he says yes, I'll be glad. If he says no, I can't really blame him.

The bodyguard had no choice but to oblige and as I sat in silence, I look at a magazine with my face on the cover.

"Annakinn Theerapanyakul, The Perfect Prince Charming, Everybody's dream" That was the caption. Funny how the media deceives you.

How can such an loser be considered the Perfect Prince? A hopeless romantic? Come to think of it, no one really loved me; not Tawan, not Porsche, not any other guy. I've often been used and discarded. Every boyfriend, Vegas afforded to seduce into being unfaithful. I don't know about Porsche but didn't he run away with Vegas too?

And it's unfair. It's always been unfair. I never asked to be born as me. I never asked to have the things people take advantage of me for.

If I had died when Pete and I fell off that damned building, would I have been reincarnated as someone else? Would I be better off or worst off? I wonder if I'd be born into a complete family full of love and understanding and I would not be compromised and worked to the bone? Or I could just go straight to hell but that's not that much different from here except in hell maybe there won't be...

"Pete!" I got surprised when he busts inside the door. That was quick. I thought he wouldn't be here for at least five minutes but he's here. All sweaty and panting a little like he's been running.I thought he'd be pissed off.

"Pete, I'm sorry I had to---" but he puts a palm up

"Kinn, stand up. Come on. It's so far, your room and Khun Noo's" to my confusion, he grabs my arm and asks me to go with him

"What's the matter?" I ask

"Venice, he...he" I immediately stand up and my heart starts pounding. What happened to Venice? I've gotten so attached to him I didn't even notice.

"He said his first word. He keeps repeating it!" Pete says and he grabs my hand

Without hesitation, I ran the hallways with Pete while holding hands. He takes it for nothing but I'm relishing on the comfort it brings, on the change of emotion, on the shift of reality he's brought upon me. And it makes me wonder whether this could be my reality from now on. Whether Pete could accept me, whether he would stay, or whether he would leave when Vegas decides he wants Pete back.

Because I know he eventually would. Who wouldn't want Pete in his life?

Whether Vegas loved Pete or not, I'm afraid he'd ask for him again and Pete would go to him, like everyone does.

That makes it difficult because while he's dragging me down the hall, I couldn't help but want more. I wish he'd stop, look me in the eye and tell me he won't be leaving, that he'd choose me and not be swayed but I can't ask him that. My steps get heavier as we near Tankhun's room. He turns around to face me with a smile. And I smile too, unconsciously.

"I don't know how to feel about his first word, Khun Kinn!" Pete says and it's endearing how he switches up from Kinn to Khun Kinn.

"Isn't he too young to talk at six months?" I ask him. I've read a little about babies at this point because of how much time we've all been spending with Venice.

"I'm not sure. He's started crawling a bit and can stand if you hold him by the armpits. Oh my God! My son's a genius!" He says and I shake my head. Unbelievable.

Pete slowly opens the door and the cool air greeted us before Tankhun's voice rang through the room.

"Feast your eyes on the main act of this afternoon!" He said as he held Venice up by the armpits.

"Ready, little one?" Tankhun asks Venice and he inhales sharply and purses his lips like he understood what he was supposed to do.

"Go on now" Khun instructs and everyone was in anticipation of what he was about to do. He puts an arm forward like he's pointing at us

"Peeeetteee!" He exhales loudly, his cheeks shaking. His first word is his father's name. I couldn't help but smile. This is one of the best things I've ever witnessed in my life and I have Pete to thank.

Pete grows weak because of his son and I feel him lean on me unconsciously. I put an arm around his shoulder to support him even though I myself feel like I'm falling.

And that's as dangerous as it could get because I still fear what becomes of me later, tomorrow, a month, or a year after and whether he feels the same for me.

And to dream that this family is all mine could be a stretch but that's okay, because what is Kinn Theerapanyakul if not a fool anyway?

Author's notes:

Engkkk. Short chapter for now. Felt like I needed to establish Kinn's stance and feelings before I dive in to the next chapters which will heavily focus on Vegas and Porsche's agenda. The next parts would contain narratives and POVs which would piece together the story as to why they left in the first place. Until then, please wait for them.

-Juwee