2 Seconds •LT•

VI

4 September, 2015

    "Life's a b*tch. Then you die" - Nasir Jones

    I regretted my words the moment they were floating in the atmosphere. How I told her there was nothing. Nothing between us. I should have said there was.

     Screw the border. I'd have been a rebel for her. I should have told her everything I'd come to love about her. But I didn't. Why didn't I?! Why. didn't. I? I should have. That doesn't exist anymore.

    What if she had said she didn't love me that way? What if... She did? Well the answer to that is quite simple. I would have snogged her senseless there and then.
   
" You're cute" spoke a voice close to me.

    I was sent back into reality. I was inside a pub a couple blocks away from home, getting pretty drunk. I couldn't handle being in my own sober skin.
    Why? You might ask. Well because I just told the girl I love... that I don't. I couldn't live with myself. It was Friday night. I sure as hell don't mind waking up with a wicked hangover tomorrow. Damn. I won't see her until Monday. I took an extended chug of my pint. I wanted to see her. I couldn't. Screw my situation. I finished my pint and ordered another.

    "Hey! I'm going to sit next to you, okay?" Spoke a female voice, directed to me. I turned to her. She looked bloody drunk. I hued green with envy. I drank more. " I'm not drunk"

    "Okay" I responded, not caring much.
    "I'm just intoxicated by you" she laughed at her pickup line. I forced a grin on my frowning face.
    "You should lighten up more often mate" she said soberly. "What's your name?"
    "Louis"

   "Astrid" she gave me her hand to shake. "Aw" Astrid cooed. "Who broke your heart?"

    My body tensed at the thought yet warmed all over. I'm not telling you, a stranger all my problems. I kept quiet.
    "Okay then. It's too early to be asking that" She pondered for a new conversation starter. "So. Wanna dance?"
    I shook my head. "Thanks, but no thanks" swilling the pint I looked down for interesting floor tiles.
    "What do you want to do then?"

    "Nothing. I'm fine. You can get back to your friends, they must be waiting for you"

    "My friends?" She flattered herself. "I don't have any. Well not true friends, just some blokes I get drunk with"
    Better than what I have.
    I must have looked mopey, leading to her upcoming words "I'm keeping you company Louis. We can do what ever you want. I'll be up for it" She shrugged carelessly.

    I chuckled nervously. This opportunity to forget about Belle had presented itself. With Astrid. Astrid had walked into my life. I could pretend Belle doesn't exist. Just for a night. To not feel the agony of the border.

    "Can we just. Talk?"
    "Of course!" There was a reason she was so eager to talk. I just didn't suspect it. Dumbfounded she left me when she truly told me her motive to talking to me. Strangers don't walk up to you to just talk.
    Silence. What do we speak of? Belle came to mind. I wanted to speak of Belle and all I knew about her. Like I'd known Belle for years. But I didn't.
   "So what do you do for a living?" I ask instead.

    "I um, work for uh, promotion. And advertisement." She took a gulp from her drink. The way she did it. Jittery. I didn't push the observation. "What about you?"

    "Drama teacher"
    "That's brilliant, ain't it?"
    "Sometimes"
    "How come?"
    I exhaled in a gushing manner. "It gets in between your love life"
    "Oh" To lighten the darkened mood, she joked, " It'd be even worse if your lover were a student. So look at the bright side"
Then there is no bright side.

    I moved uncomfortably as I drowned down the toxin. Way better than trying to get my sh*t straight.
    "Oh. Sh*t!" Astrid had a moment of realization. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I- I just assumed. I am so so sorry"
    "It's fine" I irked vulnerable-like. "It wasn't leading anywhere either way. Just one sided desperation" I muttered.

    "Must be tough" she said under her breath. "So what's your plan now?" She asked clearly.

    "Get wasted. Just. Forget"
    "B- But you'll remember later"
    "Yeah, don't remind me"
    "Can I help?"
    "How?" I scoffed at her suggestion.

    She shrugged, "Tell me about her"

    I looked down at my drink, finishing it off. My 4th one. Lovely, I shouldn't think of Belle in, say, half? Yeah, half an hour. So I can say whatever stupid sh*t I want, because I won't remember this night as well. Nor this girl: Astrid.
    "Well, her name is Belle. And I love her"

    I looked down. Words of heartbreak were and still are difficult to speak of. "She has brunette hair and hazel eyes. I named her 'My Beautiful beautiful Belle' She doesn't know it. She's in my 5th period drama class"

    Astrid neared for better impact on the words exiting my warm breaths. "She dances ballet. She's usually lonely, doesn't have friends. It may sound horrid, but I enjoy the fact that I am the only one. Belle is quiet at first until you get to know her"

   The bit I know of Belle and I'm infatuated?

    I sighed, looking down, brushing a hand down my hair. "She's 16. Skipped a year. So it's just this year and she'll be off and out of my life. It's crazy how I haven't known her for long, yet, I can't seem to-"

    My emotions got icky. Tears glossed my eyes, "oh, no, no, no, don't cry Louis" Astrid cooed. If I had been sober while telling her, I would have held in all my emotions.

    But I wasn't. I was tipsy at this point. "Let's um, come on, let's go to the dance floor, that'll cheer ya' up!"

    I shook my head, sniffled and went back to another drink. I didn't blubber, but let a downcast tear fall. She hugged me. Damn you human craving. The waterworks flowed down and I clung to her like a cliff.

    She realised her fatal mistake to stop me from weeping. "It's gonna be alright Louis, it's gotta be" She felt responsible for me. That's why she hadn't let me go. To fall into a puddle on the floor. To melt and dribble my feelings.

    "And I love it, f*cking love it when I catch her staring at me. Or when her bullies accuse she of having a crush on me!" My words slurred, "How she laughs at my every joke, even forcing it. Her laugh is such a f*cking sexy turn on, or the way she bites her bottom lip. It makes me want to kiss them until they swell. I love making her blush and look down. She makes it so damn hard to keep it all in" These are the things I'd never say sober to a stranger. "I wonder what she looks like. Naked, moaning on my bed"

    "Louis, shut the bloody hell up with your sexual desires"
    So I stopped talking of the sensual desires "I enjoy how much she trusts me, ya know? She asked me if there was anything between us. I told her there wasn't. I shall live with that as my deepest regret 'till the day I die. Pfft, it's not like she actually liked me back" I scoffed for ever letting my hopes rise.

    "Louis, you Idiot!"

    "Yeah, I'm an idiot for saying there wasn't anything between us"

    "No, you fool. She likes you back as well"