𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

22

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- recommend listening to all night by Beyoncé while reading

It had been a week since the whole sleep over and I've just been really busy, Christmas was tomorrow so of course I was preparing food. Michael would come over every other day, dropping groceries off, checking in on me.

Von basically didn't live here anymore, he been running around with some girl who he call his "best friend" but Michael gave me all the details and now I know what the fuck really going on.

I did a quick run in target earlier, Michael been here all day, in the living room watching criminal minds, I got him hooked on it.

I was currently in the kitchen cutting up all the  peppers so I would skip that step tomorrow.

I heard Michael enter the kitchen what I didn't expect was him to rest his head on my neck.

"I got you the best Christmas gift sos." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Mhmm right." I said and he turned me around to face him.

"Who in the hell got you that Dior necklace ?"

"You."

"Louis Vuitton purse set?"

"You."

"Tory Burch-

"Okay, we get it. Damn." I said and he sighed before taking the knife from my hand-

"Michael-

"Why you been so distant, so tense, this isn't you, what's up?" He asked and I looked at him and my eyes began to well up.

I haven't been the best person towards him and that's mainly because I'm so depressed & ik if I let him see it. He'll stop everything for me. Like everything. I hate it because ever since that night I know he been feeling responsible for me and plus, after Dante's death, we never really talked and I don't know how he'd react seeing me so heartbroken over a man that tried to kill him.

It's such a awkward position and I hate it.

He immediately let his arms wrap around me, pulling me in close, for a hug. I just let it all out.

"It's okay, im here." He whispered in my ear.

I let my emotions take control of me, "I-I'm scared you won't understand." I cried and he rubbed my back.

"Scared I won't understand what sos?" He questioned.

"So you know how Dantè passed?"

"Yes..."

"With him trying to harm you, even after knowing the full and actual story on his intentions. I feel so guilty moping around and being depressed over him. I feel guilty missing him in front of you because well...he tried to hurt you. And it's like I have nobody to talk to about his death because all I have are you and my brother, both people who didn't have the best ways with him. It's like I'm drowning myself. Keeping all my thoughts to myself. All my feelings and that weight...it hurts. It hurts." I quivered and he grabbed my waist and sat me on the countertop.

"Sos look at me." He stated and I looked at him.

"I been let that shit go. I know exactly how the game is. I'm not gone lie, seeing you cry and be so hurt over another man pains me. But I know that's not solely it, what you've experienced is traumatizing, shit that your kind hearted self shouldn't have gone through. I love you more than life itself, I'll get you whatever you need. I'll help out because i understand. I understand you sos. Don't ever be afraid to reach out to me."

He wiped my tears off my face and he gently grabbed my hand, "You not cooking for Christmas, you not doing shit, don't worry about it."

I stayed still looking at him in awe, wondering how I'd been blessed with someone like in my life, wondering why he was so down for me.

"Now go put on your Christmas pajamas princess."

...

As the blue sky began to get dark, i leaned against the rails of the porch, watching the snow fall effortlessly, this Christmas didn't feel like Christmas.

It was so...lonely. My brother called saying he wouldn't be here tonight. Micheal was all I had once again. He managed to cheer me up though and by cheer me up I mean, order us takeout and let me sleep on his chest like a baby.

He was still asleep on the couch, i had woken up earlier than him and decided to attempt to get pretty, in my Christmas PJs.

I was wearing nothing but a tank top and christmas pants that had black Santa on them (Michael picked them out).

He had his on too, he just had a button up pajama top to match.

Our relationship was so...complex. I loved him, he loved me but being together wasn't an option which made things so complicated. I can't keep hiding my love for him. I had come to the conclusion that it was dumb. he's been here for me more than anybody.

Just as I was caught up in my meditations of Micheal I felt him creep up behind me like earlier, but this time it was different, the butterflies that I had once felt from his touch were back, our connection...it was back. And it felt amazing, all my worries seemed to disappear.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked as he placed his head in the crook of my neck, his sleepy voice sending shivers down my spine. I didn't know how to handle our new found contact.

"I slept fine, what about you?" He asked, looking at the sky with me.

"I dreamt of you. I closed my eyes and I saw your pretty face, smiling, and I was there. Just watching you grow. Watching you learn yourself and overcome all that's been thrown at you. And you know what I realized?" He asked, pulling off his button up and wrapping it around me.

"W-what?" I asked nervously and he mumbled, "I want you to see my face as I say this." as he turned me around.

My nose was cold, smoke coming from our mouths with each breath.

"5 months ago, I was re introduced to the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and in the span of those 5 months I fell in love with her. I found myself enjoying her company, listening to her laughs, listening to her cries, watching her take care of me, watching her leave for school every morning in her scrubs, watching her cook, and you know it was something so precious about it and usually I can have whatever I want but no." He went on and I listened because there wasn't much I could say at all.

I knew it was about me.

"I couldn't have her, it was something so simple but so big to me because this was something I wanted- actually no - something I needed. I knew I couldn't get her and I think she knew to. So I tried to brush it off but now as I sit back and think...I no longer can hold the love in that I have for you sos. It's bigger than you and me. It's bigger than us not being able to be together. I don't carry guilt for loving you anymore Solàna-

"Michael." I whispered in awe of what he was telling me, things I knew but never thought I'd hear from here.

"You don't have to say anything back, I know-

My hands found there way to the warmth of his cheeks, and my lips pressed against his, as my stomach fluttered in knots, and the snow dropping on both our faces tied the moment together I found myself enjoying every last second of this. I didn't know what I was doing, it just felt so right in that moment.

It didn't take him long enough to react, his large hands pulling my waist towards him, to have a better hold on me, so he could now be in control.

I was enjoying this. This was the most i had felt in a while.

It wasn't too long before he pulled away and smiled, making me smile, and before I knew it we were both laughing.

"Merry christmas Solàna Imani Logan." He told me softly.

"Merry Christmas Micheal."

...