Variation - W.M.

Chapter 70 - January 17, 2017

Time alone in the compound recently led to me spending dazed hours in the training room, mindlessly attacking the punching bag as I drifted in my thoughts, feeling as though I was sinking in the ocean, unable to escape until someone, usually Nat or Yelena, wandered in and called my name.

Today was no different, Yelena being the one to discover me and break me from my trance.

My thoughts never picked one thing to focus on, not truly, but after the lighthearted comment from Peter a couple days ago, today was different. Today my mind lingered on Wanda, although not the brunette version I called my girlfriend. Instead the ginger witch from my timeline floated around my head.

I hadn't noticed it at first, desperate to keep the woman who had hurt me out of my head, but similar to my memories with Oscar, Wanda had begun to fade from my mind and the empty space that was starting to overtake my heart and mind was becoming too large to ignore; this Wanda having moved to her own space instead of being haphazardly slotted in as a replacement.

Now I found myself at Helen and George's, desperate to prove to myself that I wasn't losing myself and that everything was still okay, desperate to hold on to the good memories even if I wasn't returning to the place I had made them.

"Oh, Olivia!" Helen chirped happily as she opened the door, stepping aside to let me in. The name felt foreign to me and my stomach somersaulted, although the exact reason why was escaping me. Had Helen always called me Olivia? I had thought that she was the one who had come up with my nickname, although the idea of that seemed out of place in my mind.

"Sorry for showing up unannounced" I apologized, stepping in to the house and breathing in, although the smell did nothing to relax me, doubt over my own timeline's information muddled in my head. "I was just wondering if I could look at some of those pictures I looked at the first time I was here. I've been feeling a little off recently."

Helen smiled, waving me off as she led the way to the living room. "No need to apologize, you know you're always welcome here!" She pulled the photo book from the shelf, handing it to me before starting to the kitchen. "I just put on some water for tea, I'll make us some."

I hummed distractedly, already sitting down and opening to the first page. Pictures of me, my parents, Helen and George were numerous, ranging from holidays to little trips. The pictures were littered with a childish face I had grown out of years before; chubby cheeks and a small gap in my front teeth that had long since disappeared. I smiled a little, the tension in me evaporating as I took my time eyeing each picture. I looked so happy, and it was normal to not remember small moments like zoo trips that took place twenty years prior.

Helen came to join me not too long after I had started flipping through with two mugs in her grasp. She handed one over and sat down next to me, leaning over to look at the pictures. Catching sight of one she chuckled, taking a sip of her tea. "I remember that. You were so excited to be the little mermaid for halloween that you insisted on getting a hermit crab to carry around with you. You must have been four at the time but you were so headstrong."

I smiled, my hand gently running along the edge of the photo before I turned the page, skimming the next ones.

Our routine continued; me looking through the pictures and Helen chiming in ever so often until I paused, pointing to one that featured me and little boy around the same age, his pale skin colored red from sunburn and a toothy grin on his face. "Where was this?"

I recognized the boy easily as my former best friend. Our parents were good friends and we had grown up together, almost inseparable for the first eighteen years of life. We used to take trips with them, going hiking and camping quite often. The rocky shore and the clear blue water, however, was something I didn't recognize in the slightest.

"That's, uh, Ontario I believe. Remember you went there right around the time of your ninth birthday? I remember you talking about it almost nonstop for days when you came back."

I felt a rock settle deep in my stomach, ice surging through my veins. I had never been to Ontario, at least not with my family. As I flipped back through the pictures I felt panic overtake me. I was becoming more unsure of which ones were the same as from before; whether each moment simply never happened to me or if I had just forgotten that it had. There had been a reason I didn't remember the existence of some of the pictures and this was it.

My brain spun as fast as it could as I tried to dig up memories I had made, any being acceptable at this point be it with my parents, Oscar or Wanda. My Wanda, the one I had left behind when I stepped through that door.

I could remember Wanda herself, remember the ginger hair that she had modeled after Nat's while we were on the run but all I could hear was this Wanda's Sokovian accent that clung to all her words and this Wanda's scent of vanilla and sage. Trying to summon memories was like having a word on the tip of my tongue, out of reach and unavailable to me at the moment.

"Olivia, what's wrong?"

The hand that landed on my shoulder felt almost painful and I jolted away from it, backing away from the woman as I struggled to breathe through my panic. "It's Ollie, not Olivia. You were the one who started calling me that and you were the one who started calling Oscar Ozzy to match." I looked down at the mug in my hand, feeling the tingle of what should have been a burn from the liquid that had spilled onto my hand at my lurching. "I've never liked tea. You-Helen knew that. Helen always made me coffee or hot chocolate or got me a glass of juice when she had tea. I-I've never liked tea." My words became strained and they felt foreign on my tongue, as if I was retelling a story I had heard from someone else. Was everything I was saying right?

Helen stared at me with wide eyes, her mouth propped open in surprise. It took a second for me to realize what I had done before I mumbled an apology at my outburst, placing the mug down on the table far harder than I meant to and running out of the house. In seconds I found myself back in my room at the compound, instructing JARVIS to block everyone from my room.

As much as I didn't want to talk to any of the Avengers I had nowhere else to go. Nothing in the world was the same; the branching of this timeline from my own starting much farther back than I had thought. Every safe place I knew didn't exist in this world, and every comfort was something foreign.

I was an imposter in this world.

My breaths still coming out shallowly I scrambled to my bedside table, yanking the TemPad out and pressing the button to summon Miss Minutes aggressively. She popped out, her cartoonish features morphed in concern at my state. "Are you okay sugar cube? What's goin on?"

"I need-I need to get back. Back to my timeline. I need to go home" I panted out, my insides twisting painfully and my heart constricting, feeling as though someone or something had a tight grip on it and was squeezing as hard as they could. "Please."