Variation - W.M.

Chapter 72 - January 18, 2017

Despite my best efforts, confrontation was inevitable with Wanda, so only an hour after Steve and I's return from Wakanda I found myself trapped in a room with the brunette, avoiding her harsh gaze and shifting from side to side.

"You've been avoiding me" Wanda accused and I bit my lip, squeezing my sides tighter.

"I haven't been avoiding you."

"Olivia-"

"Please don't call me that" I interrupted, feeling my stomach churn at the name. It had been sweet at first but now it only reminded me of everything that was wrong with this place. "Everyone calls me Ollie. Just call me Ollie."

Wanda frowned at my interruption, taking a couple steps toward me. "What's going on?"

I felt my mouth open and close, my brain spinning to find another lie to cover up all of my sneaking around but a gasp from Wanda let me know that I had let down my guard, exposing the thoughts I had so desperately been trying to keep private.

"Wanda-"

"You're trying to go back to the timeline you came from?" Wanda's voice was flooded with hurt and I felt my heart constrict as I sighed, nodding meekly and opening my mouth to say something when I was cut off by Wanda. "You belong here as much as everyone else." I scowled, ready to say something else when she did it again. "Just because you aren't from here doesn't mean-"

"Can you stop?" I snapped, feeling anger begin to buzz through me. Wanda ignored me, taking yet another step toward me as her tone turned from hurt to convincing.

"Why would you want to go back? You like it here."

Ignoring the fact that it sounded like something straight out of the movie Coraline and that I half expected Wanda's eyes to suddenly turn into buttons, I sighed. "I'm losing memories of my old life, Wanda. Of my parents and my brother and my Wanda-"

"Your Wanda?"

I cringed, internally cursing myself for reverting back to my original wording. "The Wanda from my timeline. I can barely remember what I did for sixteenth birthday or what Oscar wore for his first halloween. I'm losing everything, Wanda, and it's all being replaced with things in this timeline. I need to get back before I lose it all."

"But do you really?" Wanda asked, and the words were so blunt that I barely registered the desperation in her tone.

"What?"

"Is it so bad if you forget everything? Everyone you love is dead back in your timeline except for 'your Wanda' who you said hates you. Wouldn't it be better to just forget the guilt you feel from your brother's death and the pain that you always felt back in that world?"

I felt my body freeze, my nervous shifting forgotten and my skin burning with anger as my thoughts exploded and swarmed until I could only see a deep red in my mind.

"Would you rather forget every Christmas and birthday you spent with your parents if it meant you wouldn't remember their death? Would it be better for you to forget the way they woke you up when you were a kid or the way your mother baked in the kitchen when you were upset? Just so you could forget what you saw that day in Hydra? Is forgetting every good memory worth forgetting the pain that comes nowhere close to the amount of time you spent with them?" I knew I had gone too far but I no longer cared, only wanting the witch to understand.

"Of course not but you're happy here. You have all of us and you have powers-"

"Powers that I can do nothing with because you went behind my back and made it so I couldn't go on missions without even talking to me about it. I'm a fucking secretary, Wanda. All I do is sit around and wait for you guys to get back like some fucking dog. And All I do while I'm waiting is think. Think about how I'm losing who I was. Think about how I'm beginning to hate it in this fucking prison of a compound but nothing else in this world feels okay so I'm stuck here. Think about how I want nothing more to be actually happy here with you and Piet and Lena and the others. But I'm not and the more I feel like an imposter the worse it gets."

I was never one who excelled in the art of arguing and I had always hated that fact about me. Always hated the way my voice grew thick and tears blurred my vision the more I raised my voice. I hated it even more now as I tried to hang on to the rage that was slowly ebbing away, giving way to a hopelessness and desperation as I tried to wipe away the tears and mucus with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"I have been lying since the beginning that I was happy here. I tried to pile on reasons why it was better here and it worked for a while; Pietro and Yelena became my best friends, I got to spend more time with Steve, I actually got to know Nat and my hatred for Tony was gone. Not to mention I finally, finally, got a chance to be with the girl who I've liked for the past two and a half years."

Wanda took a step back, her own eyes filling with tears. "So I'm just a replacement?"

I started to shake my head before stopping and sniffling loudly, letting my nails dig into my arms. "At first you were. At first I convinced myself that if I was stuck here I could at least have a chance with you and all the feelings I felt for the other Wanda transferred to you. But slowly I got to know you more and you started filling your own place in my heart instead of hers. It was when we were up on that ferris wheel that I realized the feelings I have for you are separate from the ones I have for her. You aren't just a replacement for her, I-" I stopped, swallowing roughly. I couldn't say the three words that were dancing around in my head. As much as I wanted to convince myself that this Wanda was the one I wanted to say them to, the words were lodged in my throat and I knew they would never become unstuck here.

"She doesn't hate me. I got hurt when I was with her and Vision. If Nat and the others hadn't come when they did I have no doubts that I would have been the first to die. That's why she left me. It's the same reason you stopped me from going on missions. Both of you just wanted to protect me and keep me safe, only in her case she would have gone to any lengths to do it and that included leaving me in a foreign country or pushing me away from her."

Wanda sniffled, wiping tears out of her eyes as she backed away from me. "I think I need some time."

I simply nodded, my nails digging even further into my skin that they pierced it, beginning to draw blood. I couldn't watch as she exited the room, only able to keep my eyes on the red pricks surfacing on my skin as a myriad of emotions flooded through me; regret, anger, sadness, regret, guilt, regret, regret, regret. Soon it was all regret. The word sped across my brain so many times it caused a headache and no longer sounded like a word. I regretted using Wanda as a replacement. I regretted allowing myself to believe I was happy. I regretted so many things but what I didn't regret was finally speaking my mind. Finally letting out everything I had been keeping bottled up.

But, as I sunk to the floor and sat on the cold ground, I began to realize that releasing everything did nothing to solve the fact that I was stuck in this timeline with no way to fix any of the problems I had just ranted about and no way to get home. My confessions and shouting did nothing to change my current situation.

It only took ten minutes for me to realize that I was wrong. I did regret saying anything.

Hi, I'm so sorry about it but I had to do it, Ollie's been going through it and it's kinda exploded. I love this timeline Wanda but lets be honest, normal timeline Wanda is wifey.

Anywhooo, I hope everyone has been having an amazing day and they will keep on having an amazing day/night! Also thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!