After Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff get divorced, Mr. Krabs doesn't know what to do with himself: that is, until Squidward comes over to Eugene's place at night after work.
Squidward daintily skipped over to his walk in closet. He needed to make sure he looked good for Eugene today. He only had a few hours before Patrick got back from his outing with SpongeBob. The squidly man had a few outfits in mind.
The first outfit was a slutty D.va cosplay. Squidward had never played Overwatch before, but Patrick practically begged him to buy the costume off of Amazon. Squiddy didn't want to come off as a fake gamer girl to daddy Krabs, so he quickly put the costume back.
The second outfit seemed a bit more promising. It was a musty ass cat fursuit head that reeked of shit and cum, Patrick liked the smell, with a matching maid dress and cat tail butt plug to go with. But then the squid realized that he would be walking by Sandy's tree dome on his way to Eugene's. He didn't want to open up that can of seanut brittle.
So Squidward finally decided on outfit number three. It was similar to the outfit he had worn over to Eugene's last night. It was a soft, pastel pink sweater accompanied by six white thigh high socks (one for each tentacle). No pants. Afterall, that was the way Eugene liked him.
After getting dressed, Squidly began his long trek across Bikini Bottom. He found himself picking up his pace as time went on, barely able to contain his excitement. He suddenly stopped when he heard a familiar voice that caused him to shit his britches.
"Yeah Larry's dick straight up smells like garlic butter it's so fucking cool," SpongeBob exclaimed. "I got like 60 holes so our sex life has been pretty interesting. When he eats me out it sounds like he's playing an ocarina."
"Wow SpongBong that is so epic. I wish me and Squidward could have musical sex. Squidward doesn't have a musical bone in his twinky little fuck boy body."
Squidward recognized that voice anywhere: it was his husband, Patrick.
"I don't think he has any bones, Patrick."
"Shut the fuck up." Patrick picked SpongeBob up and threw him across the fucking field.
SpongeBob giggled with glee more than he had ever giggled in his silly little life. He hit a rock and died.
Patrick scoffed. "Couldn't asexually reproduce fast enough to avoid death this time, huh SpongeBitch?" He pulled out his 11 incher and pissed on the sponge's pathetic little corpse.
Squidward squeaked at the sight of Patrick absolutely slaying SpongeBob. He quickly covered his mouth, but it was far too late. Patrick had already teleported behind him.
"Where do you think your going all whored up like that?" he said in a sexually charged tone.
"O-oh Pat-" Squipward stammered. "I- I was just going to the Barg'N-Mart to pick up some canned bread."
Patrick sniffed his beautiful hair. "Smells freshly washed. Keep up the good work, sport." Patrick smacked one of Squidward's several asses. He then began to turn around, "Make sure din din is ready by the time I get home. Daddy's hungy." The starfish started to drag SpongeBob's body off to the cave.
Squidward sighed a sigh of relief. That was close. He continued his journey to Eugene's, not letting SpongeCog's sacrifice go to waste.
Eugene was heartbroken when Squidward had left him the other night. He was so heartbroken, in fact, he drank himself into a stupor to attempt to deal with his crippling loneliness. It didn't work though, since it just make him think more about the frail blue cephalopod that had visited him hours prior. He hadn't even realized he fell asleep until he heard three sharp knocks at his door.
"Agagagagagagagagagaga" he agagaga'd weakly. "Hold on just a minute, I'll be right there."
Krabs quickly put all his clothes back on since he got so sad he ripped them all off. He assumed that Puff was at the door coming to scream at him for his unpaid child support. She had full custody of Pearl which only escalated the ginger's loneliness. He was pleasantly surprised to see Squidward at the door.
"Squidward! I- wasn't expectin to see ye here so soon. I'm sure I reek of alcohol. I'm sorry about that Mr. Squidward. What did ye need-"
The crab was quickly interrupted by Squidward pulling him into a passionate kiss. Squidward's nose hit Krabs right in the base of his eyestalks. The older man didn't mind. On the contrary, he actually found himself liking it quite a bit.
Squidward pulled away, breathless. "Krabsy, I missed you so much. We need to talk."
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