Exploring the Wasteland.

Present day

Day 34 

"Do you still like the undead now Colby?" I said wryly, throwing a shotgun his way. 

"In the films I do, when they aren't about to gnaw your arm off or eat your guts" He smiled sardonically, taking cartridges from his pocket and popping them into the shotgun one by one.

"Somehow I thought you might feel that way-" I was cut off by the hollow moans of 4 Walkers. I sighed and pulled up my gun, closing one eye and aiming at the closest Walker. I squeezed the trigger shooting the creature through the eye socket. To my left, I heard Sam mumble something that sounded like Kat's lyrics as he shot two walkers in quick succession.  Colby picked off the final one with his gun raised almost lazily. 

"Sam, why do you mumble when you shoot?" I asked him as we walked passed the now dead again undead. 

"I think because it helps me forget what I'm doing. I pretend I'm not killing or murdering. I pretend I'm with Kat on tour watching her sing, or I'm at home singing Lucy to sleep-" He choked on the last few words. Tears filling his eyes, I swung my gun over my shoulder as he holstered his and allowed himself to be pulled into me, beginning to cry on my shoulder. I held him tight as Colby looked on awkwardly. He jerked his thumb back towards the cars and I nodded slightly. Holding onto Sam, I smoothed down his hair and tried to soothe the man sobbing in my arms.

"It's okay Sam. They're safe, no one can hurt them now.  You have to keep fighting for them" I swallowed, trying to block the images from my head of what had happened at his place last week. I closed my eyes and breathed out. Sam pulled away wiping his tears. 

"I'm sorry Siobhan-Rae, it's just everything I think of reminds me of them, especially Hope" He shook his head. 

"I know, I understand that it's hard-" Sam's sadness dissipated and anger appeared he raised his head and glared at me.  He backed away, creating a canyon of distance between us. 

"No, no you don't. You haven't got a fucking clue. You've lost no one, you've done nothing but gain from this! You still have your best friends; you had no family. You are fucking just fantastic, so don't you dare stand there and tell me you understand" Anger. Grief. The collective weight of the end of the world. It was all etched into his face; he turned and stormed away. As I walked back towards the rest of the group I considered what Sam had said. He was right, to an extent. The fact that I still had Brennen and Jake is true, but to say I didn't understand what it feels like to lose someone you love would be a lie. I arrived back to where we had parked most of the cars before we'd seen the walkers. Brennen stuck his head out of the truck he and Jake were sat in and looked at me. 

"What's up?" He said looking concerned. 

"It's Sam. He has been ripped apart by what happened. We have gone from one chaos to the next and he hasn't had a chance to grieve properly" I looked down at the tattoos that covered his arms and flowed onto his chest and back. 

"Remember when we were younger and you got your first tattoo? You thought you were the shit" I smiled at the memory.

"Oh yeah, I thought I could take on anyone" Brennen smiled widely, warmth filling his eyes. 

"Don't even get me started on when Jake got his nose ring, he thought he was punk as shit" I laughed, and caught myself.  I hadn't laughed in weeks, I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like...