Top Gun (Marina)

Chapter 23

"Dont flatter yourself gorgeous girl" Maya smiled looking at her girlfriend.
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The two took their showers and where ready to go. Maya was on the balcony waiting for carina to get the last of her things.

"Bambina?" Carina appeared on the balcony with her hands behind her back as if she was hiding something.

"Yeah?" Maya turned towards carina,

Carina removed her hands from behind her back, showing a small black box. "It's for you she gave it to maya.

Maya smiled opening it, it was a silver bracelet with a diamond on it. "It matches the necklace I gave you.."

Maya slipped it onto her wrist, as she played with it." I love it" she said making carina smile. "You ready to go?" The blonde asked as carina nodded.

They were in the jeep heading to one of Maya's favorite breakfast places at the mountains. "I am maya bishop.." the blonde started as carina looked over at her with a questioning look on her face.

"I'm 17 years old, I was born and raised in Seattle Washington, i go to Golden crest highschool, I love sports any sport you name I've probably did it. My favorite color is blue and yellow. I am selfish...narcissistic and self destructive...but i believe that under all of that mess im a good person and I just want someone to see that I guess. When I leave highschool I plan to go to the military, i think it fits me. I want to be a detective or something when I grow up. I want to live up here in the mountains and have a husky. If I do plan on having kids, a girl I think I'd name her riyan..and for a boy, I haven't really dug that far. Throughout the years I've been trying to find myself, I've hurt some people in the process. Specifically Vic, my bestfriend..i um used her a lot, she's not stupid she knows. I feel like I've let down my mom, dad, dead brother. Sometimes I just randomly go into this self defense mode and shut everything and everyone out. I hate when I get like that because I feel like I have zero control over myself. I think something is wrong with me but throughout my life people have told me that everyone goes through stuff like that and that's true but not everyone chooses to fix it or talk about it. I overthink alot, sometimes I get so caught up in those thoughts that I forget what's real and what's not, it's like I mix up what's going on in my head with what's true and it's all a disaster in the end. I sometimes keep myself up all night reminiscing on if I'm good enough for this girl that I am so in love with. I love her and knowing that I've lost her trust kills me because I fucked up once again. I keep doing that, fucking up and she gives me another chance but one day I'm gonna do something unforgivable and she'll hate me... I think that its better when everyone hates you because then you don't have to deal with them. Some days I get why my brother offed himself the way he did..I think about it all the time, I almost did it the day before I met you but Vic stopped me, her mom is chief of police so of course she has a gun so I took the opportunity. On the days that I'm quiet all I hear is racketness and banging in my head 24/7, when I'm trying to sleep it just won't shut up. I just feel like snatching my brain out of my head or something. I haven't been to a school party in a while, when I used to go..all I looked foward to was getting high and drunk and looking for sex, because it helped with the noises and anxiety but it wasn't permanent. Cheer is one of my favorite things to do but sometimes it gets draining, I've done it my entire life. I still haven't found myself though, but im getting there.." maya took a breath, Carina noticed her hand shaking a little. One of Maya's hands was on the wheel and the other one was on the armrest.

"Your hand, it's shaking" Carina grabbed it. "Is it because of the anxiety?"

"Yeah, I get scared or nervous when I talk about my self or have to endure long conversations with people... you'll think not, but im not really good at socializing hence why I don't have many friends. When I argue my hand shakes uncontrollably, like I'm holding back or trying to keep something in..i dont know" Maya shook her head slightly.