29. Breakups aren't breakdowns

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Victoria swirls her wine in the clear goblet, feeling the anguish weighing her partner down like an anchor along her spine. Sitting in the bar they decided to officially start dating in, she could feel the resolution in him. She could still vaguely remember the overseas company trip and the two laughing about all trips bring overseas because they're from China. He sits, not reclined as he usually does, legs crossed in an almost arrogant way before him, arms folded before him. Instead, he sits on the edge of the chair, cocktail untouched, olives nervously chewed away. Perhaps if the view from up high overlooking the light pollution of Tokyo wasn't so damn lovely, she could muster some feeling. But truthfully, Victoria is a rational woman and the amount of drama that has plagued her recently is much more than she can handle. She's almost ready to let him go, so that eventually he will come back when Yifan's games are up.

"You look nervous, should I be nervous?" She coaxes with a gentle smile.

Tao seems to take this like a slap to the face, physically turned by it, grabbing his drink off of the table top and downing it quickly. She supposes she should let him gather his courage but this isn't exactly an ideal position for her to be in, on the other side of a breakup.

"Look..." He starts.

"Before you say another word, and I think I know where this is heading, you've come all the way from Seoul so I know it must serious, okay? Tao, you are a wonderful man, and I love being with you, and nothing you say will change that, okay?"

"Victoria, I'm gay."

She stops swirling her wine and stills. Her mind stops the recited speech, accepting his mistakes and offering a short break before trying once more. Caught completely off guard, her gaze finds the meek man and almost hopes that he's just trying to break the ice with a joke.

"Come again?"

"I'm gay. I thought that maybe... I thought that maybe I was just attracted to one man, but it's not just one man. I'm attracted to other men too. I just... I like men."

She had been sure that Yifan's games had included seducing her boyfriend to lead him astray but this was a bit... this isn't what she was prepared for and VIctoria is always prepared.

"Maybe it's just a phase?" She asks.

"Victoria, you're gorgeous."

"I know." And she did. Because she may not have the perfect face to be a top celebrity but she knew she was cute enough to get by.

"You deserve to be with someone who loves you and I just don't love you the way you deserve."

She's still reeling from shock. She's still not over the admission of her boyfriend's change of heart, and she's definitely not listening to the part of her that is wondering if in some strange way, Yifan did her a favor.

"So... so you're in love with someone else?" She asks.

He avoids that topic entirely for a moment and flags down the waiter for another drink. She looks back out the window and takes slow breath. Her world was quickly filling with gay men, and she thought it was both strange and progressive. Either way it's giving her a headache right now.

"Look, I know this is startling and I don't want you to be hurt. I tried to hold it in, but I just found myself straying slowly. It's not that what he had wasn't great. Because it was. Victoria, you're so amazing when we--"

"If you're about to tell me how my love making is not what turned you gay, please hold off on that." She interrupts, possibly a little louder than she intended.

"I do have feelings for someone else, Victoria. And having feelings for the right person, makes me feel like an asshole to you."

"To me, being the wrong person." She deducts matter-of-factly.

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