Dear Me, I'm Pouring Back Into You

Suffering

I fell abruptly into the deep exhale

Found myself trapped in misery

Searched for a way out

My release was far out of the way

I drifted

What used to be a dream

Became a vivid memory

Dark nights were clearer than blue skies

I was lost

Tried to call on the name of Jesus

Praying that he answered my petition

He didn't reply

Wondering if I had permission to talk to Him

Watched as the ones close to me were getting blessed

Witnessing my life becoming more and more of a mess

I guess this is what they meant by suffering

Suffering to be accepted

Suffering to be noticed

Suffering to be appreciated and revered

Why do good people have to suffer all the time?

What must I do so that I no longer have to suffer?

I'm tired

My visions are in isolation

Contemplating revenge is now in my rear view

Desiring to risk it all

I don't have to fall

Questioning who'd answer if I elected to call

Is this what it's supposed to feel like?

Having to mask my pain to make people happy?

Having to do things their way and not what's best for me?

Having to dance and shout for the fire to fall?

What if I just want to be still

Instead of being moved

What's wrong with being immovable?

Yet,

I chose to suffer

No longer in silence

But making all the noise I can

Using my voice unashamed and unbound

Despite being broken

I know one day that I'll be great

My victories are coming

Because God has given me grace.