Dear Me, I'm Pouring Back Into You

12AM Heartbreak On Main Street

Question

Why am I always the one fixing things?

Why do people have all of these perceptions of me?

Am I that bad?

 I'm not trying to get people to feel sorry for me

I'm not seeking attention

I just want answers

I'm celebrated when I conform to their directions

But shadow banned and denied for my imperfections

I admit it

I do the right things at the wrong time

I can go overboard and can be extra

But I'm human

What's the point of having friends

When I end up finding myself alone?

Hold up

What if it is me?

I mean,

Maybe they were right

That I'd do anything to get attention

Maybe they were right

That I'd do anything to be seen

They only take notice of my mistakes

But never see that I come from a place of sincerity

 I can be a bit much

I overkill and misuse schemes of others

I was dying to be accepted

Dying to be loved

Now I'm exiled and rejected

This walk is one I must go alone

The people I needed the most

Have me as do not answer or blocked on their phones

I'm sorry

I've been hurting

I haven't been right since I see my heart shattered before my eyes

I put on façade after façade knowing that I cry every night

Sleep hasn't come easy

I've made love to nightmares and became abstinent from dreaming

The brokenness has contaminated my mind and my thoughts

That sometimes I'd want to be dead

But death and life are on the power of my tongue

And if I say how I feel

I'll be treated as if the fat lady has already sung 

She made love behind my back 

And parlayed it in my face

But when she was drunk on my birthday

It was the last time she'd gave me a taste 

I hate how much I love the person who broke me

Lord, please forgive me

I should've listened after the first time

But we made love and I thought we were going to get it right

I wish I could take it all back

Seems like it's too late

God's given me grace so why can't anyone else give me the same?

I'm cancelled

Yet again

Exiled

Never to be seen or heard from

I'm sorry

"Yo, what are you looking at?"

"I'm your reflection, and you look hideous"

"Yeah, I am. You're right"

"You aren't going to do nothing

So don't try to fight back"

"You don't belong here"

"You never mattered."

"You've overstated your welcome"

These are the tears that fell when heartbreak and I met

 I haven't done some things right

I have some regrets

Beyond the transgressions

I just want compassion

I don't want to start over

I don't need to

I desire to maintain this pace of growth

I know who I am

I'm royalty

I'm a king

I'm a work in progress

God is with me

Now say something else negative

That I don't know about me

I'm waiting...

End Piece.