My Lifeline

16

I'm planning to rush to my car after class to have another panic attack. Nothing really happened, Will just seemed distant with me. Maybe it's nothing to do with me or what I said, but anxiety has a sneaky way of making me believe that everything is always my fault.

Before I can even get to the parking lot, someone grabs onto the top strap of my bag and tugs me back. I pause mid step and return my foot to its previous position before I turn around and look up at Will.

He's smiling again and back to his old self, like he wasn't just avoiding eye contact all lesson which sent me into a slight panic.

"My house or your house?" he asks.

I release a confused laugh as my head recoils. "Sorry? I don't understand-"

"Homework. We've gotta test each other on the quiz, right? Your house will probably be better, my family will be home and they'll probably get on my nerves."

"Oh." It finally sinks in what he's talking about. "Yeah, sure. My house is...good."

"Great. We'll go after last period, you can pick me up and I'll be the passenger princess again," he jokes.

I half smile in return, feeling my airways open up again, allowing me to breathe air into my poor lungs.

"Sounds good."

"Any crazy parents or siblings that I need to be informed about? Maybe a mental dog that will rip up my shoes and possibly traumatise me for life?" he questions as we walk to his locker.

"Nope. It'll just be us. My siblings have moved out, and my mum will be at work."

We get to his locker where his friends are lingering around. Beck is leaning against it, blocking Will of being able to open it.

"Move," he demands, physically moving Beck to the side.

"Woah. Careful, Will. Your hulk strength is going to bruise my ribs." Beck reveals a cheeky smile and rubs his ribs as a way of pretending that the physical contact had actually hurt him.

"He's so rude," Lola speaks to me as she sucks on a red lollipop, rolling her eyes in Will's direction.

I'd laugh with her, but I can't when I can see how much he's going through. One thing I've realised over the seven years I've known Will for is that he hides his sadness with his anger.

I wonder if any of his friends realise this, too.

"Are you joining us for lunch?" Isla asks me.

I look over at Will to examine his expression and check that it's okay with him. His eyes glisten beneath the dim lights in the corridor as he waits for me answer. He seems almost hopeful.

I gulp and turn back to Isla. "Yeah. Sure. If that's okay?"

"Of course that's okay," she assures me with a tired smile.

"We're going to the cafeteria. Come on," Lola demands, motioning her head down the corridor.

My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding violently beneath my chest. Never in my seventeen years of life have I ever cared about what others think of me. At least not this much. I've always been unbothered by the pressures to fit in and make friends — just the way I like it.

I can tell my heart is screaming at me to head to the library so I can get lost in the current book I haven't yet finished. I'm dying to read the next chapter and return the magical place I call my home.

As much as it kills me, the book will have to wait.

Time for my social battery to drain and completely exhaust me. I'm dreading this.